Ask Me Help Desk - Called off Marriage

Hello,

I met my would be through parents, had couple of meetings (met thrice) and being a first sight love for both we decided to get married, as he and myself were looking for a alliance . Since he is living out of my home country initial ceremony was arranged to fix up the wedding. We were having healthy relation for the past 2 1/2 months, appreciated persons caring and loving nature. But during his recent visit, I mentioned about my being born with some medical history (to be precise a small hole in heart) which never created a problem in my life and I have never taken any medication or visited doctor for this ailment, in fact I was an athlete in school and actively participating in school activities and actively working in organisation also. I wear specs. Too for which person knows about this.

On my mentioning this he reacted and said he has lost interest & lost confidence in me and my parents. :mad: :( . I should have informed him about this medical history earlier before the ceremony has taken place. But, on my end, it was just a part of me so thought of only sharing with him and to make him aware off and not to cheat on him for anything.

During our conversation he said he loved me and is happy to have me in his life. I too have got a deep feelings for him which was developed over a period over our constant touch on daily basis over the phone and chat round the clock.

In spite of explaining to him and giving him the doctors report he has refused to come back and talk to me and returned back to his home country. How can I get him back and explain him that I have not cheated on him. Love him and want him back in my life as my better half.

HELP!!

Dear, I don't know what to tell you, but there are men out there who fear and are repelled about illnesses.

I just found out I have cancer and when I told my BF (I'm 56 and he's 63) he started verbally abusing me and finding other things wrong with our relationship.. Since then, he has picked little fights, I can never do anything right, and now he claims he wants out of the relationship because I don't give him the sexual pleasure he wants and that he's going to look for someone else. Can you imagine how much that hurt... Needless to say, he has a severe kidney ailment and I have been pampering him and had him on a strict diet to help him. His illnesses are more serious to him and so are his needs.

Fact is, there are some men out there who don't care how you feel and don't really want to know about it when you are not perfect. Vanity is a sorry state, but there is nothing we can do about it.

If he needs another excuse for keeping away from you, he will find it, no matter how much you profess your love and loyalty. Be glad that you found out what he is like before you started a life with him that would make you totally unhappy.

You deserve better, don't waste any more time investing in this lost cause.

I sure hope you get over this and find someone who loves you just the way you are and appreciates what you share with him..

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

The word of the day is... SHALLOW. Both of you have found out the hard way that no matter what your significant other has stated to you, selfishness rules their world.

Ishta, Chery is right. As much pain as this brings to you, you are better off knowing now that your intended husband didn't love you just for who you are. He was more concerned about the effect your health background would have on any children you would both have together in the future. That is why he broke it off with you. It has nothing to do with anything you have done. He is very narrowminded, cruel, and selfish. It is definitely better that you know his true personality now than to have had him reject you after marriage. He very well might have subjected you to both physical and/or verbal abuse. You are now free to have your parents work on setting up another match for you. Please speak with them about that and try not to let this situation hurt you your feelings too much. This was all about him, not you. You sound like a sweet and loving woman. I am sure there is a man out there who is much more worthy of your attention and love.

Thanks Chery and Ruby... It is so easy to point out faults at other end. But why people don't realise its small world and what you have got now you derserve and be happy and content with it... longing for something better will result in not getting what you have and in fact land up for something worst. I accepted him the way he was... I have a good feedback from all my relatives, my ex-employers, my friends... about me, I adjusted and accepted him and did my level best to be what he wanted for the upcoming wedding, but he broke off the relation just for the things which has got no impact in my life. We all know nothing is same all the time. Inpite of explaining him he is not understanding just blamed me that I should have informed him about this before the function. :( .

Quote:

Originally Posted by ishta

I accepted him the way he was...

I adjusted and accepted him and did my level best to be what he wanted for the upcoming wedding, :( .

Adjusted and accepted... that is something he was not willing to do. Even if you told him before, he would not have been able to deal with it. He was looking for perfection as he imagines it. That means a perfectly healthy woman who will not be a burden and will not have any ailments. There is no such person and his search will take him on a road to a life of bitterness.

I adjusted and accepted my BFs diagnosis of kidney disease and helped him bring his blood pressure to near normal through thoughtful hard work adjusting to his dietary needs. When he found out about my recent diagnosis of cancer, he treated me as if I had the plague.. I was so shocked at this rejection. He acts as if it might be catching and that is is all my fault. Now he is heading for bars to pick up potential bed-mates and I hope he catches what he deserves... HIV. Sorry to be so bitter, but I wasted so much time on this vain self-serving person that took so much from me without blinking an eye. And this is a man I shared life with since 1999. Be glad that it did not take you that long of invested time.

Too bad that there are more of his kind around. I hope you don't meet up with another one.

None of us deserve this kind of treatment from anyone.

Since the OP is from India there may be some cultural peculiarities at play here that are different than the way things work in the U.S. Let's keep that in mind.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Since the OP is from India there may be some cultural peculiarities at play here that are different than the way things work in the U.S. Let's keep that in mind.

Interesting that you think this is a cultural peculiarity NK. I did realize she was living in India immediately NK. Her location was a good tip off. Her intended is also Indian but living in another country. I think you need to read her posts a little more closely. Are you suggesting most Indian men are domineering and treat women the way he has treated her? Maybe your experience with Indian men is different than mine. I have worked very closely with a number of Indian men living in the U.S. who went back to India for a wife. Although all the men are living in the NYC metro area and not Canada, I can't believe all of them are so far from the norm. I am very friendly with two of them and see them on a regular basis with their families. Out of this group of men, in which only one was actually raised in the U.S. there was one man (raised in India) who I believe would have treated her with such disdain and contempt. I have actually found Indian people to be more proper and polite than most other cultures, definitely more so than the U.S culture. If your experience is different than mine, maybe you can help Ishta understand why this man has rejected her the way he has. I do believe his reaction is one of a man who is selfish. I agree with Chery. He will live a bitter and unhappy life with the way he conducts himself. If ishta and/or her parents outright lied to him, telling him that her medical history was perfect, I could understand (not excuse) such a rude reaction. But, she hasn't mentioned that this occurred. Right now, she is very hurt and needs to make sense of this. Maybe you have some words that will help lessen her pain.