I am a 34yo wife and mother of 3. I have a 3yo, 2yo and a 3 month old. I have a wonderful husband and I do enjoy doing things with my family, but I have been having thoughts of death lately. My father died when I was 17yo and I found him dead. I am so worried about losing someone else close to me. I know death is a part of life. My mom had heart bypass last year, she is going to be 70yo this year and I constantly worry if she is going to die. I worry when, how, why and how I am suppose to tell my children and how do I live without one of my best friends. I am usually OK during the day, but at night I just want to sit and cry. My mom is over a lot which I love, but then I think... what am I going to do one day when she isn't here anymore. I do not want to go see a doctor because I do not want to be put on meds. I talked to my husband about it but he said to just STOP thinking about death. Does anybody else feel this way? I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't take it.

Before we go any further I have to ask a question... It is a very IMPORTANT question...

How long have these feelings been going on?

I have had some feelings of this since my dad died 17yrs ago. But lately it seems to be getting worse. When I am alone, that is all I think about. I feel like I am losing my mind. I would say I have been feeling like this since my moms heart surgery a year ago, but more so lately.

I know how you feel. I am always worrying about my grandmother because I recently lost my grandmother. As simple it is, just think of all the good things that have happened and will happen while she is living. As for when she does die... there is really only one way to tell your kids, just tell them she is gone. Someday they will understand, just be glad they are still young. When my step mom told me her mother had died, a grandmother of mine I'm very close to, over the phone I collapsed on the floor, dropping the phone and crying. At least now your kids are young and as bad as it sounds it won't seem so bad to them it won't hurt as much cause they have not been around so long and known her too long. Just stop thinking about it and enjoy your mother while she is here. When you were a kid did you think about your mother dying?

Can I ask you another question?

How did your father die?

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Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Just stop thinking about it and enjoy your mother while she is here.

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Very bad advice to someone who might be suffering clinical depression. You can't tell someone to "just stop thinking about it." It just doesn't work that way.

My dad had diabetes and hypertension. His heart was severely damaged. The year before he died his doctor told us he wouldn't live a long life. I guess he was right. He died in his sleep on the couch. He had fallen asleep on the couch and had a doctors appt. the next morning. I went to wake him up, but he was already dead. Til this day, I do not want to wake anybody up in the morning or from naps.

Have you ever had any counseling about all of this?

Please understand that I hate to answer questions with questions, but sometimes it is extremely important that I get all the info prior to giving the advice necessary.

JoJo, It sounds like your experience with your Dad affected you significantly. While it is normal to feel extreme loss of a loved one you need to appreciate that you were traumatized by this event. I understand that you do not want to go to a doctor, but have you considered a counselor or social worker? I think that would be extremely helpful to you especially since your husband doesn't know how or is capable of helping you through these difficult times/thoughts. Most importantly, remember your beautiful kids and family
And how much you mean to them. They deserve to have a mom. Please seek professional help, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

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Originally Posted by elx45

JoJo, It sounds like your experience with your Dad affected you significantly. While it is normal to feel extreme loss of a loved one you need to appreciate that you were traumatized by this event. I understand that you do not want to go to a doctor, but have you considered a counselor or social worker? I think that would be extremely helpful to you especially since your husband doesn't know how or is capable of helping you through these difficult times/thoughts. Most importantly, remember your beautiful kids and family
and how much you mean to them. They deserve to have a mom. Please seek professional help, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

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I have to totally agree, but I was trying to get her to talk about it as a mental health professional myself.

There are issues here that need to be addressed. Medication, while many people are "afraid" of it is sometimes a necessity, even if only temporarily.

Did the depression feelings start sometime near the time of the latest baby's' birth?
Or increase in severity?

Post pardom depression isn't impossible to overcome,It does, however,need treatment.

Also,the trauma from your past is obviously a problem for you,otherwise it wouldn't have been brought up,Right?

What is your biggest fear about being put on meds?Side effects?Necessity for life?
I have been on meds(and off too) for 12 years.
Do they help? Very much.
Do they cure my depression? NO.
I had to seek professional help to deal with all my issues.(and still do to an extent)
Can you do this alone?How has it worked for you so far?

Please look for help,the depression is something that tells the sufferer"It'll be ok,I don't need what those other people need",then it attacks yourself esteem with new ideas,or repeated ideas(as the case may be)

Does this sound familiar?If so,Let us know.

I care,I really am interested in hearing more from you soon.. Ken