Hi! My name is melissa and I am 19 years old. I have a job and currently go to school for paralegal studies. However, about a month or so ago, I met this guy and we started to mess around. One month later I come to find out that I am pregnant and he dumps me. He said that he needed to concentrate more on his career/life. He didn't know I was pregnant until after he dumped me. He said that I tried to trap him. Funny isn't it. He does not want me to have the baby. He wants me to have an abortion and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. But, I am capable of raising a child. I have family that I know once they know, will support me after they get over the tears etc. They are not going to let me do it by myself. So my question to you is, do you think it would be a good idea to have this child and raise him or her on my own? I do not want to abort my child. I do not want to kill my baby. I think a person should face all the troubles that they get themselves into instead of running away and getting over it the easy way. Why should I kill a child that is truly innocent? And if I do get the abortion pursay, it is going to break my heart and every time that I see a child I will cry. So, I am asking you to please let me know what I should do? Thank you:confused:

Sweetie, I feel for you, yours is not an easy position to be in. But you have choices, and it's good you already know this.

Now, some people here will try to talk you into abortion, others will try to talk you into adoption, yet others will try to talk you into keeping your baby. I can't try to talk you into any of these. Why? Because I do not know you personally, and without knowing you personally I cannot try to sway your decision.

This is a very personal decision that only you can make, and nobody on an anonymous website has any right to try to make you think one way or another. It is all about beliefs, values, and morals. Without knowing where you stand, deep in your heart, we will be doing you an injustice pushing our values and morals on you.

We have Pro-Lifer's here, we have Pro-Choicer's here... And all are very strong in their convictions and will try to persuade you to follow their beliefs. But, ultimately it is your decision.

No matter your decision, it will be life changing, and you will never forget it.

Now, I will give you my side, from all 3 perspectives...

I had an abortion, why? Because it was a medical necessity. The child I was carrying had a disorder called Anacephaly (simply put, little or no brain)... My husband and 2 of his siblings were adopted and they are very thankful for the parents that they were raised with... I am a mother of 4 now, and my oldest will be married on Saturday, and my youngest is just 5. No matter what the circumstances were, they were all life changing events and will be forever ingrained in my mind. You, I am sure, will experience either regrets or happiness.

I wish I could help you more, but this is a VERY personal decision and should not be left to the anonymity of a website such as this.

Thank you for your answer. I guess I just want to hear what my options are even thought I already know them. I would just like to hear it from someone else's perspective.

I gave you all 3 perspectives...

1) Abortion = Can you live with this?

2) Adoption = Can you live remembering every day of your pregnancy and date of delivery, wondering how the child has grown? Wondering if the child wonders about you? Wondering if the child is healthy, happy? What it looks like? What it's likes and dislikes are?

3) Keeping baby = Can you afford it? Are you willing to go through all of the strife of fighting for child support (and yes, you are due it an deserve it), are you ready to be tied to this man for the rest of your life? Yes, you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. Weddings, grandchildren, etc.

You will hear it from someone else's perspective, I can PROMISE you that. But few here have the perspective of all 3, like I do. Most will tell you that abortion is murder... That adoption is the easy way out... That keeping it is your responsibility.

The final choice is yours, and yours alone.

Hello, Dear One: It is not by coincidence that I logged into this website and saw your question regarding being pregnant and 19 years old. I, too, found myself pregnant at 19 while attending college 36 years ago. The baby’s father decided he did not want to stick around once he found out about the pregnancy. Thank God, I had a wonderful, supportive family and could afford to have and raise my baby as a single parent. I was scared and disappointed with myself for getting involved with someone who could abandon me when he learned I was pregnant. Once I told my parents, they encouraged me to continue my education and said they would help me with my baby. I had a beautiful baby boy. I won’t lie to you – it was difficult being a young mom to a little baby, attending college, and working part time. However, I was determined to make the best life I could for me and my baby. My parents helped with childcare, but I never abandoned my responsibility as mother to my precious son. I finished school, got a really good job, and made a good life for the two of us. Several years later, I met a wonderful young man when my son was 4 years old. We began dating and I told him early on that I had a son. When he met my son, they hit it off. After dating for nearly a year, he asked me to marry him. Of course, he knew that we were a package deal – my son & me.

We had a beautiful church wedding in my home town with all the trimmings. He was a young Naval Officer and the wedding was beautiful. I wore a beautiful, ivory and beige wedding dress with a custom veil and lace overlay. His fellow Naval Officers were groomsmen and best man, and my life-long friends were bridesmaids. My son was the ring bearer and my daddy gave the bride away. It was the wedding of my dreams.

We have been happily married for 31 years and I am more in love with him today than on the day we married. He adopted my son, and 2 years later we had another son together. We were a Navy family for 24 years. We have 2 wonderful sons, and 5 beautiful grandchildren that we absolutely adore.

Why am I telling you all of this? To let you know that you can make a wonderful life for you and your baby – with or without the baby’s father. Your answer is within your heart. It is clear that you already love the baby growing inside you. How could you not love that precious soul?? He/she is a part of you.

Talk to your family, pray and trust the Lord to provide for your needs and the needs of your precious baby.

Blessings,
Mom427:)

Well it sounds like you already made your decision... you said you don't want to have an abortion, and your family will help you support and raise this baby.

I was engaged at 18... about 5 months after we got engaged we found out I was pregnant. Everything fell apart, I was 18 he was 21... neither of us were ready for this. I had been on brith control pills, and took them religiously... we had tried to avoid this. But for me abortion was out of the question and he knew this so he didn't even bring it up.
Because things got bad between us, I moved in with my mom. And a few weeks later he and I got our own apartment together. I went through my entire pregnancy alone. Doctors appts by myself, baby shopping by myself. I sat at home alone, while he was out with his buddies drinking. Then when I was about 5 months pregnant he told me "I think after the baby is born we should split up"... I was like "why wait". I packed my things, and the things for the baby and went to live with my mom again... I was determined to show him I could do this on my own... I was determined to show myself.

I turned 19 and a few months later gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Funny, though how after I had her he begged me to come back. But we had so many problems when I was pregnant, there was a baby here now, I didn't want to put my baby into that situation. He eventually fell out of our lives.

Now don't get me wrong, it was hard. I got my own apartment and waitressed nights so my mom could be home to watch the baby. I didn't get to go out partying like other girls my age. I eventually moved back in with my mom so I could cut back on bills and afford to go to school. I went to school at night and waitressed at night on the weekends. When I turned 21... no huge drunken party... I had a baby to get home too. Once I got my medical assisting degree I moved out again.

I had her in daycare and worked during the days, and had my mom watch her at nights so I could take night classes at college... then I would still pick up a couple shifts waitressing on the weekends for extra money.

I will stop there... but by NO means is it easy. It's hard work, but so rewarding. I'm sad that I was gone so much with working and going to school. I missed her first steps, I missed the first time she went potty, I missed first words. But I wanted to make sure I didn't give up. So many girls who get pregnant young, give up on themselves, and usually just have more kids. I didn't want to do that... not for my daughter. I wanted to go to school, get my education, and be able to support her on my own. Of course I had help from family during hard time (like when I was trying to go to school). You just have to realize you don't come first anymore... everything you do now is for that baby.

I am now married, and my daughter is 5... almost 6 :):)

Hello, J9 has pretty much laid it out for you and what your options are. I did want to tell you some additional information on adoption in the event you are even considering it. There is a closed adoption which basically is what J9 was talking about. You would have no contact with the child or family. However, open adoption is a lot different. We see our son's birthmother (and extended family including the birthfathers 2 teenage daughters... the birthfather signed off on his rights and walked away) twice a year. It works for us. My son understands that they are part of our family. Again, it works for us. It doesn't work for everyone. The one question I always get is "aren't you scared that the mother will come back for your son?" The answer is NO! Our birthmother had raised a child alone and had just gone back to college. She wanted something more for her second son. I hope this helps you in some way. I wish you all the best in whatever path you chose! Take care of yourself... :) If you have any questions or want to ask me any questions, please feel free...

Just know babies are happy with their mothers. If there is a reason you think you would be a bad mother then yes adoption is something to look into. Life is full of surprises and sometimes its best to embrace them. In times like this many women find their inner strength. Before I got pregnant I had no idea how I would handle being a mother (even though I wanted to be one). It's almost like my pregnancy has helped me find an inner strength I never knew I had. Your life will change if you chouse to have and raise this baby. But then life is always changing. I don't know you, but I think you have it in you to be a good mother and raise your baby. By reading your post I think that's what you want to do. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

I think you are an intelligent person, and that you already know the answer to your question. I respect your decision to not have an abortion, I think it takes a strong person to make that kind of a decision in a case like this, so I tip my hat to you.

I'm also a young mother, but I have a supportive family and a wonderful husband to help me out. I think if you know your family will help, that you will get through just fine... and that lout that left you will regret the fact that he won't know his own child. Be sure that he pays child support though--you weren't the only one responsible for creating the child, and you shouldn't be the only one to care for him/her.

You are making the right decision. My heart goes out to you... good luck and God bless! :)

You have been given some very solid and warm advice. If you decide to raise this child please do go for the child support. Don't try and be so self sufficient that you do not ask for that. That is a rightful and just sum of money due to your child. It is the very least the birth father can do and should do and will do. Even if you say you do not need it, your child will need it. Save it for college or the first car or the first apartment or whatever. Just do not let this guy walk away like nothing happened.

The very best to you.

I thank you all for your responses they were very help ful but shygrneyzs: he told me he has no money for himself let alone take care of a child. This is why he doesn't want me to have it. So, what should I do in this situation?

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Originally Posted by coronazdimedoll

I thank you all for your responses they were very help ful but shygrneyzs: he told me he has no money for himself let alone take care of a child. This is why he doesn't want me to have it. So, what should I do in this situation?

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If he makes even $100 a month go for the % you are owed.

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Originally Posted by babieface85

If he makes even $100 a month go for the % you are owed.

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I agree wholeheartedly. If nothing else, maybe it will encourage him to make something of himself.

He will be assessed an amount according to his income. Do not have any pity on him or feel sorry for his financial situation. He just does not want the consequences but he was sure there when he thought it was just a fun time. His income taxes can be garnished also for back child support - if that should ever come to happen. That happened to my ex for his back child support and it worked!

You have so much ahead of you. I pray your family holds you close during this time. Mine shut me out when I became pregnant at the age of 20. May you have all the blessings that you and your baby will ever need.

Hey guess what guys? There is such a thing as stressing your baby to death. I just found out today that I lost my child and I will never forgive myself for letting that idiot get to me the way that he did. I hate when doctors say, "It happens all the time" so now I definitely feel so alone and I hate the idiot so much!!

Yes, stress can cause the mom to miscarry. But many other things can also. I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy and beat myself up for that. The "what if I had done this or that". I was working long hours and on call a lot and my (then) husband blamed me for losing the baby. I had shoveled snow two weeks before and that could have played a part. Maybe I was not eating right. Maybe the baby was not healthy and this was God's way of taking the baby home. So many maybes.

Do not do that to yourself. You had a precious life for a short time and you certainly can grieve. There are even counselors and grief support groups for moms who miscarried. I hope you take some time for yourself now and heal. Hugssssssss you tight. Take care.

Adoption would be your best choice
Unless you want to raise a child but it seems like you too busy
Yea, the child will worrie about you
(I was adopted and I think of my birth parents all the time)
But I wouldn't abort the baby please don't its murder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coronazdimedoll

Hi! My name is melissa and I am 19 years old. I have a job and currently go to school for paralegal studies. However, about a month or so ago, i met this guy and we started to mess around. One month later I come to find out that I am pregnant and he dumps me. He said that he needed to concentrate more on his career/life. He didn't know I was pregnant until after he dumped me. He said that I tried to trap him. Funny isn't it. He does not want me to have the baby. He wants me to have an abortion and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. But, I am capable of raising a child. I have family that I know once they know, will support me after they get over the tears etc. They are not going to let me do it by myself. So my question to you is, do you think it would be a good idea to have this child and raise him or her on my own? I do not want to abort my child. I do not want to kill my baby. I think a person should face all the troubles that they get themselves into instead of running away and getting over it the easy way. Why should I kill a child that is truly innocent? And if i do get the abortion pursay, it is going to break my heart and everytime that I see a child I will cry. So, I am asking you to please let me know what I should do? Thank you:confused:

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I think you already know the answer don't get an abortion. Either keep the baby or put it up for adoption.

Good luck,
Michelle

This is a decision that's yours and yours alone to make. And I think you've already made up your mind. And for the record, I agree with your not wanting an abortion. Best of luck!

As this post was October 18, it would be too late at this point in time for her to have an abortion at this point in time.

An update from the OP would be nice.