Hi guys;

My current situation with my girlfriend is driving me insane.

I have not heard a thing from her in a few days, and I really don't know what to do. This is messing up my head.

Basically, it was my girlfriend's birthday last Sunday, and we had a nice day and all, but that evening she was quiet and seemed cold with me. I didn't comment on it, but like when I went to kiss her she was only interested in a peck on the cheek. Fair enough, but it seems this has been the case for over a week now. Just a little thing I've noticed. Could be an over-reaction.

Well I last saw her on Monday daytime and she was very quiet and seemingly moody, perhaps not just with me but in general. Anyway, I just have started to get insecure an dthinking that she has a problem with me.

So, that night (monday) I spoke to her and asked tactfully if everything was OK, she said yeah. Then I asked if she wanted to see me in the week, and she said she would probably be busy. So I said, 'won't you be able to fit me in at least an hour here or there' and she said probably not. So I assumed the worst again, and said can't you even make time for me, and I just asked 'are you sure everything is ok' and then stupidly perhaps, I asked ' are you definitely sure you want to be in a relationship with me,' and I asked why she was being cold with me.

Well she thought I was being silly and making something out of nothing. When I had to put the phone down we didn't end the conversation on the best terms, but this has happened before.

When I tend to think this it is usually the girlfriend is just moody anyway though I tend to take it very personally. The next day she would be in a very good moody, all loving and nice.

Maybe I just can't get over the mood swings, it is something I will have to accept.

The problem is that I haven't heard from her since Monday (she doesn't have texts or call time, though surely she could use a friends fone to just text me once). I tried calling last night but her friend answered and said she was not there and that she had left her phone. Fair enough. I tried calling today, but no answer.


Am I right to be paranoid, or do I worry FAR too much?

I really do no know.

If you want clarifying on anything feel free to ask. I am confused, I feel left out and ignored. I have a bad hunch that I am going to be dumped soon, despite her saying she is totally fine with me.


:( :(

Is she on her period? O.o... normally I'm told I give good advice in relationships but here I'm kind of stumped. The mood swings just started happening out of no where on her birthday? Did she maybe see an ex that hurt her or something. Could something have happened to put her into depression or something?

The big question though... are you SURE you didn't do anything? I mean sometimes there are little tiny things guys do that get on a girls nerves quick, same with guys. I was talking to a friend of mine about my relationship with my boyfriend cause I wanted advice on something and he waltzed up wanting to know what it was and I just asked him to go away a sec cause I wanted to talk to her. He gave me the cold shoulder all day and then told me later he was mad cause "his opinon obviously didn't matter"?? I hadn't even realized I did something wrong. So are you absolutely sure that you didn't do something? Look back on the events happening right before she got moody. Anything unusuall that may have set her off on accident?

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Originally Posted by snuffy

Hi guys;

My current situation with my girlfriend is driving me insane.

I have not heard a thing from her in a few days, and I really don't know what to do. This is messing up my head.

Basically, it was my girlfriend's birthday last Sunday, and we had a nice day and all, but that evening she was quiet and seemed cold with me. I didn't comment on it, but like when I went to kiss her she was only interested in a peck on the cheek. Fair enough, but it seems this has been the case for over a week now. Just a little thing I've noticed. Could be an over-reaction.

Well I last saw her on monday daytime and she was very quiet and seemingly moody, perhaps not just with me but in general. Anyway, I just have started to get insecure an dthinking that she has a problem with me.

So, that night (monday) I spoke to her and asked tactfully if everything was ok, she said yeh. Then I asked if she wanted to see me in the week, and she said she would probably be busy. So I said, 'won't you be able to fit me in at least an hour here or there' and she said probably not. So I assumed the worst again, and said can't you even make time for me, and I just asked 'are u sure everything is ok' and then stupidly perhaps, I asked ' are u definitely sure u want to be in a relationship with me,' and i asked why she was being cold with me.

Well she thought I was being silly and making something out of nothing. When i had to put the phone down we didn't end the conversation on the best terms, but this has happened before.

When i tend to think this it is usually the girlfriend is just moody anyway though I tend to take it very personally. The next day she would be in a very good moody, all loving and nice.

Maybe I just can't get over the mood swings, it is something i will have to accept.

The problem is that I havent heard from her since monday (she doesn't have texts or call time, tho surely she could use a friends fone to just text me once). I tried calling last night but her friend answered and said she was not there and that she had left her phone. Fair enough. I tried calling today, but no answer.


Am I right to be paranoid, or do i worry FAR too much?

I really do no know.

If you want clarifying on anything feel free to ask. I am confused, I feel left out and ignored. I have a bad hunch that I am going to be dumped soon, despite her saying she is totally fine with me.


:( :(

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Give it time... things will work out

How oftern did you used to talk?

PS - Mood Swings are fun!!

To be honest, something doesn't seem right with me either id be worryed too, is this normal behavior for her, not talking for days? Or even trying to drop a texts on you?

She's avoiding you. The fact she didn't want to kiss you is huge. She's either really upset with you, which seems to be so or it's going to end soon. Sadly if you really want to know I would leave her a message some how by either dropping a letter off at her place or something saying that you care about her and that there you feel there is something wrong and to please understand you are more than willing to listen because you don't want to be missing something important. Then back off. If she wants to talk to you she will call if weeks go by then you may want to reconsider being with her yourself. Good luck.

She is a complex character.

Does have a habit of going hot and cold, so it is not entirely new. The only new part is this week's no contact at all. It could be simply down to having no calltime to ring or text me; and she has no housephone or internet connection at the moment. Apparently has not answered calls from one of her best friends either.

Re the intimacy part; she din't want a prolonged kiss, though we di d'fench kiss' a little, just not the same as usual.

Her older sister recently had a premature baby (only 23 weeks) so I guess there may just be things playing on her mind; but I don't know because she doesn't say much if things are bothering her.


Also, just to add context, last Sunday mornign we were in bed together and did things together sexually (no intercourse), so maybe again I am over-reacting about the not wanting to kiss me part.

There must be a simple explanation. I just do tend to worry a hell of a lot.

Here's hoping there's nothing majorly wrong.

Furthermore afor one of her birthday presents I got her tickets to see meatloaf on November 8th (she was visibly delighted to get them) so it would be a bad time to dump me! If anything she would wait until then.

The unanswered phone calls are an issue though. Unless my timing has been totally wrong and she really has not been available. I guess it's possible.

We've had too many good times recently for it to be over already; well I keep telling myself it can't be over yet, not without a more gradual ending?

I will ring tomorrow and see if she answers. And if she decides she does not want to see me AT ALL this weekend then her actions will speak for themselves.

Guess I just have to wait and see.

(By the way, she has no idea the level of paranoia I am having at the moment)

The good times might actually be scaring her. The level of commitment you two may be approaching her may be frightening her. Either way I hope she's worth it because she seems like an awful lot of work. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

The good times might actually be scaring her. the level of commitment you two may be approaching her may be frightening her. Either way I hope shes worth it because she seems like an awful lot of work. Good luck.

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So what shall I say.

I sometimes ask about the relationship and ask if she has anything to input/talk about an dshe says no.

I don't necessarily want it to be daunting, but commitment to me (ie no cheating) is a definite prerequisite.

If this no contact is intentional, I hope it is for me to miss her and that feeling I have now ( I feel physically sick and nervy) will make seeing her feel so much more intense.

I just hope it's not her preparing me an dherself for rthe end.

Shouldn't there be a time where we can discuss things (maybe slow down the relationship) rather than an abrupt ending.

I'm madly speculating because it's all I can do :(

I agree with engimagnetic, she could just be scared at everything between you. Scared it will all come falling apart.

I have an update; and the situation I think has got worse.

Finally managed to talk to her today on phone in the morning, arranged to see her alone at her house 5pm.

I ended up gong ice skating at 2pm and she came too. While there it was obviously a bit awkward but again I noticed she was STILL being cold with me. I was tentative, but it was certainly her who would not hardly look at me. Put it this way our connection did not seem romantic.

I didn't get a hug or kiss or hold hands or anything. Still I remained cool and didn't show it was bothering me. I thought I will wait until we are alone later to talk and sort things out/ clarify everything.


Then lo and behold, at 5pm she walks over and TELLS me that she is going to a local travelling fairground with her friend instead of seeing me. No sensitivity. She just told me she was going. I said 'oh right' will I see you tonigh afterwards; she says she will see if she can use somebody else's cell phone to text me when she is free.

I said, 'can't we just agree on a time and place' and she was like 'no.' So immediately I knew she would not meet me.

Her own sister and step mum said what a she is to me and asked why I take it.

Anyway, as you can probably guess, she did not meet me. I got a text off another male friend asking me where I am and what am I up to? I said I was at a friends and not up too much, so he replied '[your girlfriend] says she's tired and going to bed she will talk to you tomorrow.'

I was obviously annoyed again at being seemingly ignored/avoided.

I rang him and he said that he had asked me what am I up to because he, his girlfriend and my girlfriend were considering coming down 'if there was anything happening (eg a party); but since there was not, my girlfriend aparently decided she was going to bed. Again this enraged me.

So I texted the girlfriend and said I would walk up to her house to say hello for a short while and that I would walk back home soon after. I also texted my friend to say I would be walking in that direction and that he could meet me on the way if he wished.


So; when I got so far uo the road, my friend and his girlfriend (who happens to be my gfs best friend) said to me 'dont go up to her house, she has just told me on the fone that she doesn't want you to go up there now she is tired)..

I said that is a bit odd, and that could she not make time to see me seeig as I had been waiting all night to see her.

I got the impression they were covering something up. In the end I decided no to go but texted the girlfriend and said I would be at her house at 10am tomorrow morning - which I will. She does not have calltme to reply so I will be there regardless.

I have to sort this out. Too many of her recent actions seem very incongruous and I just want to know if there is a problem or if she wants to be in a relationship with me. Her behaviour toward me suggests she no longer wishes to be with me, but when I ask her point blank, she denies that this is the case.


So tomorrow, I will basically (if I am not dumped first) lay down some conditions if we are to stay together, I will say I am not happy with the way I am being treated, and if there is a valid reason other than a direct problem with me, then I need to know.

Otherwise I will end it unless things change.

It is driving me insane; the behaviour is too odd, if not plain disrespectful towards me, and certainly NOT conducive to a successful and happy relationship.


If, as I suspect, she has 'engineered' me breaking up with her all along to save her doing it then she is going to get her wish.
I am almost past caring. This is not the way I want to be treated.


Am I right here?

Any other thoughts welcome.

Thanks.

Well, you did good by not going to her house, but I will tell you one thing, although I'm a bit paranoid, I also sense there is something more going on. The fact that your friends are telling you instead of her makes it seem really suspect. I would suggest you just straight out ask her what is going on, tell her how you feel and see what she says. First all you can't set conditions on relationships like that, because it will backfire on you. The best thing you could do is what I initially told you to be honest. Just drop off a letter and back off. Give her time. If in a couple weeks she doesn't contact you move on. That is the ideal response. Of course in relationships things are rarely that ideal, but that's my opinion. Take care and good luck.

Latest update:

This morning I was dumped.

Reason: 'she doesn't feel the same way about me recently.' fair enough.

I said how recently, she replied just the last 3 weeks.

I said what about before then; she said everything before then was perfectly fine, no doubts at all.

Seemed very final, I was a bit shocked at the finality of it all.

She said it is nothing I have done (well obviously I MUST be the reason, something I have done or said will be a contributing and causal factor.)

Stupidly I cried a lot showed myself as vulnerable; then I was saying if you change the way you feel that I am here and I want her. I said I do no 'need' her but I definitely want her.

Now; the last 3 weeks I suspected something was wrong but when I asked, I was greeted with 'there is nothing wrong.' I even recently asked 'is everything OK with out relationship; do you still want to be with me' she kept reassuring me 'yes.'

Obviously actions speak louder than words and the body language towards me told me something was wrong. I said to her, had she told me immediately that something was wrong instead of waiting three weeks an dtreating me like crap then I wouldve done something about it.

She disagreed and said there was nothing I could have done.

I replied, 'well there was because if I had known I would not have been through you treating me badly, I would have been able to say 'lets have a break for a while to see how you feel.'

I have been denied that chance. I said as much.

She seems very definite and when I cried and probed her about possibly giving it a chance if she feels something for me after a while; she was adamant that she will 'not feel any different.'


Has she a crystal ball? How does she know she may feel differently.

After all, if everything was good until the last 3 weeks and fair enough if her feelings have change since then, what is to say that her feelings could not be fond of me again, when I am absent and not in contact.


This is a big shock to me; I thought in a relationship we would have the chane to discuss things lke this.

Instead I have been ruthlessly dumped without a fighting chance.


Maybe she was saying she would not change how she feels to avoid giving me hope and because her CURRENT state of mind is against being eith me.

We haven't had the chance to be apart from each other for any considerable length of time. So surely she may feel something when she has not heard from me for a few weeks.


I do hope she will miss me. But do not get me wrong; if she were to say lets give it another go, I will not jump straight back in. I don't need her. I just really want her.


Advice please...

Sadly love is blinding hence the shock. I for one, think she did you a favor. You sound too good for her man. She seems b!tchy and quite frankly a pain in the . The way she ended was completely underhanded and selfish. Quite frankly she is a liar, she said nothing was wrong then ends it. So we have a liar who can't communicate properly, who treated you coldly and terribly and has no compassion. Yep she did you a favor. I know you want her right now but I guarantee you a few months down the road you'll think otherwise. You'll probably ask yourself what you ever saw in her. I mean even if she is blisteringly attractive she is a pain. You know the rule around here, time for no contact. Cut her off completely and DO NOT SEEK HER OUT. She has already moved on man. Even if she hasn't she is not a good lady. Furthermore, you weren't ruthlessly dumped the signs where there. Now you know what to expect in the future. Treat this as a learning experience. Finally, I wouldn't be surprised if your friends had known before hand and quite frankly I still don't rule out the fact that another guy is in the picture. Your friends where acting really shady and I would suggest you reevaluate the situation. Now move on, get a hobby focus on school and make yourself the best you can be so you can show this chick who you really are. Of course that is further down the road. For now you must break all contact, make sure you get rid of anything she might have given you. Now BUCK UP son. Cheers.

Snuff:

How old are you two and how long were you dating?

I will go with the no contact thing.

My friends did not know but her friend knew she wasn't happy with me. She didn't know she was about to end it with me.

I omitted to point out that earlier the ex girlfriend said to me that had I not brought up the subject of us, it would not have ended tonight. She said she would have prolonged it. What a.


Back to the actual last 3 weeks she is talking about: I have been talking with a relative about this and she has a cynical but possibly wise view point on this, and maybe has the ex girlfriend sussed out: She said that exactly 3 weeks ago culminated in me being out of work (still unemployed but working on it) and I do not have a car on the road.

My aunt says this is definitely the reason and too much of a coincidence. I had not thought of it, but the mor I do, the more sense it makes.

I am suddenly unattractive without money and transport. It is logical.

Though it woul suggest, as a young girl, she was after the whole package (the paycheck, the car, and me).

I had not thought of this until tonight. It figures and seriously it coincides with the EXACT time that she started 'not feeling the same towards me'?

Could this be true?

You never know man it could be. I say try to move on dwelling on her will only hurt you.

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Originally Posted by LivingtheLifeinFLA

Snuff:

How old are you two and how long were you dating?

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24 and 18. We were dating properly since end april; seeing each other since January.

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Originally Posted by snuffy

I will go with the no contact thing.

My friends did not know but her friend knew she wasn't happy with me. She didn't know she was about to end it with me.

i ommited to point out that earlier the ex girlfriend said to me that had i not brought up the subject of us, it would not have ended tonight. She said she would have prolonged it. what a.


Back to the actual last 3 weeks she is talking about: I have been talking with a relative about this and she has a cynical but possibly wise view point on this, and maybe has the ex girlfriend sussed out: She said that exactly 3 weeks ago culminated in me being out of work (still unemployed but working on it) and I do not have a car on the road.

My aunt says this is definitely the reason and too much of a coincidence. I had not thought of it, but the mor i do, the more sense it makes.

I am suddenly unattractive without money and transport. It is logical.

Though it woul suggest, as a young girl, she was after the whole package (the paycheck, the car, and me).

I had not thought of this til tonight. It figures and seriously it coincides with the EXACT time that she started 'not feeling the same towards me'??

Could this be true?

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First of all, I know this is the age of materialism and I don't condone inaction and lack of employment, but to think that she would leave you because of that makes her a golddigger plain and simple. I believe you need to work and progress and improve your career and what not but do not for a second think that a woman will stay with you just because of career success. The right relationships have more substance than just material things. The whole package involves much more than cash and cars. I know it can be big now a days but if a girl is with you for those reasons she is the wrong woman to be with. I thought once like you, that money and cars = relationship success, and it isn't true. My ex and me broke up despite my rising success. It took reality to take that notion away from me. Move on and improve for yourself not for her or for anyone. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

First of all, I know this is the age of materialism and I don't condone inaction and lack of employment, but to think that she would leave you because of that makes her a golddigger plain and simple. I believe you need to work and progress and improve your career and what not but do not for a second think that a woman will stay with you just because of career success. The right relationships have more substance than just material things. The whole package involves much more than cash and cars. I know it can be big now a days but if a girl is with you for those reasons she is the wrong woman to be with. I thought once like you, that money and cars = relationship success, and it isn't true. My ex and me broke up despite my rising success. It took reality to take that notion away from me. Move on and improve for yourself not for her or for anyone. Good luck.

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No you get me wrong. I do not personally think that money and a car equals a great relationship. I in fact do not assign any importance to material things and did not myself think that my change in circumstances could trigger a total loss in attraction.

The reason it has occurred to me is that the timing she talks of coincides exactly with the timescale she didn't feel the same towards me.

There was nothing wrong in the relationship before, and no hint of anything being wrong, this by her own admission. She just does not feel the same.

She is to a degree materialistic; oftens says she will marry a rich man.

For me, it does no matter how wealthy or not a person is.

I thought the relationship had more than just material value; but I may have been duped all along.


In the absence of no other reason, it must have some possibility, even if it is a subliminal decision.


If she really is like this then she is despicable.

I will no be contacting her at all.

My aunt says when I have a new job and she hears I have the car back on the road she will come sniffing around...


well if this happens then I will know!

In any case, I'm not hurting as much as I thought I would. Im handling this quite well.