hello, this is my first time posting. My name is allison and I am 22 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and 9 months of it I was pregnant, during which time he was uninterested, so I was understanding, and let him do his own thing. But now after having a gorgeous baby girl who is already almost 4 months old, things have gotten even worse, he never tries to instigate sex,. ever. So when I do it makes me feel awful plus I gained some weight during the pregnancy and my breasts got larger, and I feel way less attractive, but I am by no means an un attractive women. I am 5'2 and 135 pounds, I feel like I should be more appreciated. I'm sure after having a child every women feels a bit unattractive, but I know that if I was with a man who loved me regardless and showed a true interest in me sexually that id have no problem feeling good about myself. So ill just sum up the last two times we were intimate. 1. I started kissing him in the dark and as my eyes were adjusting to the lighting, I noticed he was rolling his eyes in disgust, I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was upset because I wasn't aware that he was "not turned on" and I should have let him go to bed. 2. I have recently purchased a pretty toy called the "jack rabbit" which I thought may enhance our sex-life; or lack thereof. While I was using it like 10 minutes into it, he said he was bored and didn't know what to do and left me to do it myself. I don't feel normal about this. And I have tried everything besides counseling. I don't know if him and I will ever work out. And I'm tired of feeling un appreciated and un attractive. Anyone with any advice on this would help me a lot. Thank you. :confused:

Well I don't think he deserves you .
He obviously doesn't love you and might have stayed with you this long bcoz of the baby. He feels trapped and he blames you for it, (not bcoz you are to blame, but just bcoz he needs to blame someone)
I honestly think from the few lines you wrote that the problem is farrrrr deeper than just sex!
Is he attentive to you during the day? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he do or say sweet and thoughtful things to u, maybe surprise you with gifts or roses etc.. or anything else that shows you he loves u...

I am happy you still feel good about yourself, so all is not lost yet. Once you start feeling ugly you will not only lose him for good , but more importantly you will lose yourself. If you are still inetersted in saving your relationship, you should forget about him for a while and focus on your happiness and well being not his. Do the things you like, make yourself pretty for you not for him. Go out whenever you can with frds etc.. Once you are blooming again because most probably you will when you are happier, he will love you again.


Are you a bit the submissive type? I feel he is taking advantage of you emotionally and enjoys putting you down. Another woman would have reacted differently to him and "rolling his eyes in disgust"

I hope this helps,
And I apologize if I offended you in anyway.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by edzmedz

I honestly think from the few lines you wrote that the problem is farrrrr deeper than just sex!

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Definitely far deeper as to why he is so turned off! Until you can get to the root of the problem you will be beating yourself up and I have a feeling he will never be honest to tell you.

look, you are 22 and a new mother....he is a bit distracted...i mean this is a big life change.

Until your lives have a plan I don't think it's going to be like it was... there is another human being in the room/the house/the apartment he hadn't planned on... that takes some adjustment... you are at an age when most people are trying to figure themselves out - and their career... a baby is the focus now. I'd let the sex life work its way back in time as you figure this out - hopefully together. This is a big change and you can't expect him to be casual.

He is not happy and you all need to talk...
Had you planned this? Are you on birth control now?
Were you then?

As you get your lives together, intimacy will grow together -again, hopefully together.