We raise our granddaughter who is 7 almost 8, we have custody of her. Her mom calls her sometimes but not near enough as she should. Her father has not called her in over a year, the only 1 time she has talked to him was when I called him to ask about her changing her last name to mine. Eden tells my husband and I that we are mean, rude and how we have ruined her life. She does this after we have gotten onto her for doing something. We have tried the following methods, talking to her, time outs, taking things away, and spanking. We don't really like to spank her for it really does her no good at all. She sees a therapist who states her behavior is from the way she has been shifted around most of her life by her parents, and how her parents don't have anything to do with her now. We also raise her 2 year old brother as well, and at times she tells us we spend more time with him etc. we explain to her that he requires more of our time as he isn't a "big kid" like she is. Her room is always so messy, her back pack is messy, and she will tell you she doesn't care. We have tried being very nice and explaining to her why she should keep her room and stuff clean. I have jumped in several times and helped her clean her room for a few days in a row to show her if she picks it up every night how easy it is to keep clean. I am 46 years old and running out of patience to be honest, she is now telling blatant lies to our faces after being caught doing something wrong. Can someone please help me what can I do to help her, obviously this being her 3rd counselor that counseling is not working. When we get on her she will also start what I call a fake cry and say she wants her mommy and how she will not stop crying till she gets to see her. She has not always been like this, we used to only have standard visitation with her while she lived with her dad, back then she was good. Her mother is a recovering crack addict and really doesn't try do her part as her parent to help me by talking to Eden.
Help!

There's probably some truth in what the therapist tells you. I also wonder if she's being influenced by someone on the outside, such as a neighbor, friend's parent or her mother feeding her the ideas about being "mean, rude and ruining her life" and "spending more time with her brother than with her." I find it hard to believe that a 7-year-old would come up with this on her own without some outside "help."

There is a book I got that changed my life with my 6year old. She's not perfect but she would never lie to me and I rarely have to tell her do something more than twice. The book is called Child Training Tips by Reb Bradley. He is a father of six, a pastor for more that 25 years, a writer, a radio talk show host and gives conferences all over the country helping parents train their children to be respectful disciplined children. It's all about regaining the respect and control in a household that an adult should have always had. It's an ongoing process and we still have to work at things all the time but it really put things in prospective for my husband and I about where our heads were in the household. It's only about $10.00 and if you Google his name you can find his website. Just to let you know it does lean more toward spanking the child then most parent help books do these days and that was something that I didn't believe was the answer. "Spare the rod, spoil the child." (I actually cried the first time I spanked my daughter) But Reb's ideals and technique's really helped with the discipline problems we had in my house.