Deep down inside me I can't stand life. I hate every minute of the constant lack of my emotions. I feel as though mentally my head is being tossed around. I can't feel the world as a special place to live. I know I am depressed and sort of not because I'll do what I have to and listen to people but there is this constant signal coming from my brain that tells me something is not right. I've talked to doctors before both mental and non mental and they say I am as healthy as ever. But I'm lacking what other people have and I don't. Some sort of wellness to the world were people can deal with everyday situations. I want to die but I now better than to commit suicide. I know that pain and I never want to go there, ever. I look fine in the mirror no sign of baggy eyes or depression. I look just fine, but then I break loose and feel as though everything were wrong, like the world's mathematicians, scientists, and other most important people are all on the wrong track. I'm looking for answer and its not death. I just need something... not a psychiatrist not a doctor... no, I've been there many times. My question is finally, what is my problem? I want to escape and no where near home, I want to go away to the most beautiful place and not have to worry about life's boring and stressful situations, I want to blow it away. Maybe I'm just delusional, or maybe I psychic and I can sense something near in my future that's making forget about the presence. Anyway, help.

Have you every experienced anything that brings out true emotion

Are you religious or not religious?
I ask because some people have found their peace in religion while others have not.

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Originally Posted by albear

have you every experienced anything that brings out true emotion

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Yes I have, when I feel like I have had it with life, I go to my room and cry. I think with all my might of what bothered me to feel this way and what makes me feel better and if I'm lucky enough I'll dream about it the next night almost experiencing my true emotional self.

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Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Are you religious or not religious?
I ask because some people have found their peace in religion while others have not.

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I have never been religious, religion makes me feel like I am being manipulated by the people in the religion. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

I meant a situation that called for true emotion, death for example

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Originally Posted by albear

i meant a situation that called for true emotion, death for example

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Oh yes, I have. After my tenth birthday (five years ago) My uncle had died. And I still grieve because I feel like I am this way because of his death and if he were still here it would be better. But I know that is not possible because he has died and deaths happen. But still, I feel as though he is still around me telling me it will be all right and until I die I will experience everything until the minute passes. I feel like he is me in some way, almost like he is here he just chose me to give messages to my family.

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Originally Posted by NoAnswer

I have never been religious, religion makes me feel like i am being manipulated by the people in the religion. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

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Have you ever tried meditation or other techniques to help calm your mind and look into yourself for answers?

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Originally Posted by NoAnswer

Oh yes, I have. After my tenth birthday (five years ago) My uncle had died. And I still grieve because i feel like i am this way because of his death and if he were still here it would be better. But i know that is not possible because he has died and deaths happen. But still, i feel as though he is still around me telling me it will be alright and until i die i will experience everything until the minute passes. I feel like he is me in some way, almost like he is here he just chose me to give messages to my family.

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I know what you mean about the emotion thing and I was just wondering if it was because you've had no real call for them, but obviously I was wrong

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Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Have you ever tried meditation or other techniques to help calm your mind and look into yourself for answers?

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I have never actually tried it seriously or ever looked into it but I have had some experiences where I am laing down totally aware of how I am feeling (crappy,curious about something, or maybe a undefined mood) and I usually see rows and rows of flowers and some times just one not right before me eyes but subconsciously and very vivid.. Usually the colors pink and yellow. So... yes I think I have used mediation only being unaware. That is most successful for me, just to think of being alert and waiting for an answer from me or a loved one. Oh by the way, I am not really religious but I do believe in spirits and loved ones who I know exist in some form. So I am spiritual.

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Originally Posted by albear

i know what you mean about the emotion thing and i was just wondering if it was because youve had no real call for them, but obviously i was wrong

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Yeah, I think I mainly have these feelings because I am sort of lost about if my uncle still is him and is around even though some people are really critical about this things. I really do believe this world can improve a lot more and I feel that way because of loss. Yeah, I agree, sometimes I am curious about if people have a call for emotions too because the are too critical about themselves and what people would think about them instead of feeling the real pain of emotions. Death, pain, whatever type of emotion it is people should really be understanding instead of going by what they have been through you know?

Yea, I see people around me using emotions in different types os scenarios and there, just like... why? And I'm wondering if I should be doing the same just so that I don't stand out, also about they wanting to die but don't, I'm with you on that plane too, but in the end I just stopped caring one way or the other and I just carry on, the psychic type thing I would put down to the less emotions, and at the risk of sounding sci-fiy 'they cloud your judgement' hence your can analyse things better.
Oh god I'm ramblin

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Originally Posted by albear

yea, i see people around me using emotions in different types os scenarios and there, just like ......why? and im wondering if i should be doing the same just so that i dont stand out, also about they wanting to die but dont, im with you on that plane too, but in the end i just stoped caring one way or the other and i just carry on, the psychic type thing i would put down to the less emotions, and at the risk of sounding sci-fiy 'they cloud your judgement' hence your can analyse things better.
oh god im ramblin

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Yeah, I usually don't go by my intuition feelings, I go by how I really feel and understand things. And you were not rambling, you were being clear about the situation and being clear often takes lots and lots of words.

Anyhoo," I hate every minute of the constant lack of my emotions.". Is a bit contraversial, really you shouldn't care, in which case I think that you should find something that makes you happy and keep it close

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Originally Posted by albear

anyhoo," I hate every minute of the constant lack of my emotions.". is a bit contraversial, really you shouldnt care, in which case i think that you should find something that makes you happy and keep it close

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I know what you mean, after thinking it over, I really don't lack that much emotion. I think I was a but unclear of how I really feel actually. Clearly, I feel more like everything inside me depends on intuition and not facts, but then again not every person believes every fact, and not every fact is proven to be real. I am clearly not a scientist, but I really think most things in life especially my emotions are meant to lack, they are my own and there are supposed to lack because what is hidden beneath them does not lack at all. So, your right, I should find something that makes happy.

Cool

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Originally Posted by NoAnswer

............. i should find something that makes happy.

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Lets try that .
Why not start a list right here?What will make you happy?

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Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Lets try that .
Why not start a list right here?What will make you happy?

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The things that make me happy or mostly impossible but I can still have the some how in some way. First of all I love babies, when I am around them they make me happy. Being around them makes me want to stay alive. Babysitting young kids makes me happy, since I am too young to even have any I like to babysit them. Good dreams make my day easier and happier, for example I had a dream I was hiding from someone who broke into a house that was not even mine, I was hiding from it or someone, under a bed. I was hiding with two other people who would not shut up. They talked and talked and I said shhhhh. When all of a sudden it turned out to be a nice couple who lived in the house. A woman who was very young,maybe about twenty years old, and very pretty. Started tickling I laughed and woke up with a smile. What else makes me happy. Using my imagination at free will and getting what I want from it, the problem is I have a hard time daydreaming and imaging thing. Well mainly babies, having extra money (not too much not too little), and using my imagination and dreams at free will (it makes me feel good, it gives me good feelings when I dream good dreams). Not much makes me happy, lots of little things make me happy but not big things like being rich, or having a expensive allowance.

I was thinking about music, any songs that just make you smile

Noanswer,
Imagination.. do you like to write?Poetry,stories.Maybe you could use both your imagination and dreams to make up a story..
Just an idea.

I am off for now,but will let you know later about more ideas I may have