It's me again with a sleeping issue question. Although, this time it's not about nutrition...

I'm with my girl for 5 and a half months now. We like each other a lot, have great respect for one another and enjoy our time together a lot. We can talk about everything and I'm not shy about telling her anything that I have a problem with. I really feel good with her.

2 times I stayed at her place over night. I'm not talking about sex here... we do that before the night ;) I'm talking about sleeping over night. And I noticed that I'm having troubles sleeping beside her.

It's not that I feel uncomfortable around her... just the opposite, I feel VERY comfortable around her. I like her body being close to me. So I don't think my problem has anything to do with not feeling right around her.

If I'm tired, and we lie in bed in the afternoon, I can fall asleep beside her with no problems. But as soon as she mentions sleeping over night, I somehow cannot sleep any more. Those 2 times I stayed at her place, I feel asleep at 7am and was asleep for half an hour maybe... then woke up again.

I don't have problems sleeping on my own (any more). Her bed is even bigger than mine, which is kind of important because I'm 6"4 tall and weight at about 205 pounds, and I have enough space to feel comfortable in her bed.

I just have no idea what might be causing me not to be able to sleep over night in her bed with her. Has anyone got any ideas?

Hi,
At 63 yrs old, married now for 28 yrs, I have been there... done that also.
Two nights trying to sleep together is really not enough to say there is a problem. My guess is that you are nervous about it. I couldn't sleep either, the first few times I tried actually going to sleep with my girl at that time, many years ago.
Please give yourself some time, and don't worry about it too much. It might take 10 or 15 nights trying to sleep before you overcome being "stressed" or nervous about it. It's new to you, and believe me, you will be sleeping like a baby before long, with her.
I do wish you the best. The more you worry about it, the longer it will take before you can go to sleep.

Thank you for your reply.

Actually, I forgot mentioning that yesterday (when I posted the first topic here) I tried sleeping for the third time (well, 3 is 50% more than 2 :) ) with her, and after 15 minutes realized I won't be able to sleep all night long. So I just went home...

The main thing that's bugging me is my ability to sleep beside her in the afternoon (I slept for 3 hours there today with no problems) but not over night.

I guess I'll just give it more time.

First we'll start with the obvious ; is her bed comfortable for you or not? You mentioned that it is sufficiently large for you but is the mattress to your liking? That could be the problem right there. Does she live in an area that experiences frequent noises which could disrupt sleep in someone who's not accustomed to them, for example near an airport or railroad? Some people just naturally have difficulty sleeping anywhere else besides their own bed in their own home. If it is none of these things, then there must be some psychological barrier to your spending the night at her home ; for some unknown reason you really don't want to or feel guilty about doing so. You may want to refrain from spending the night at her home, at least temporarily until you get to the root of your problem.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

First we'll start with the obvious ; is her bed comfortable for you or not? You mentioned that it is sufficiently large for you but is the mattress to your liking? That could be the problem right there. Does she live in an area that experiences frequent noises which could disrupt sleep in someone who's not accustomed to them, for example near an airport or railroad? Some people just naturally have difficulty sleeping anywhere else besides their own bed in their own home. If it is none of these things, then there must be some psychological barrier to your spending the night at her home ; for some unknown reason you really don't want to or feel guilty about doing so. You may want to refrain from spending the night at her home, at least temporarily until you get to the root of your problem.

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Thanks a lot for your answer.

Her bed is quite comfortable for me. I'm not a picky person and I can really sleep anywhere - on the bare floor, on the beach, in a hanging net... it really makes no difference to me. Her mattress is just fine... as I said, I don't have ANY troubles sleeping there over day (today slept 3 hours on it :) ).

She lives in a very peaceful neighbourhood. Closest railroad is about a mile away, and it's really barely hearable. To add to it - it's not really used much... actually, I think I heard a train pass about a week ago. None after that.

Closest airport is some 30 miles away. No sounds of airplanes what so ever.

To add to it - I am accustomed to sleeping with radio/TV on, since I shared a room with my sister until last year, and she would frequently leave radio turned on over night.

As for having problems sleeping anywhere else beside my bed - I really don't have such problems. I traveled a lot, and wherever I went I never had problems sleeping. Oh, there was one place - I simply CANNOT sleep while standing in a running bus! :) Bus floor, however, is just fine ;)

I believe it's some sort of psychological problem, but I just cannot understand what it is. As I said - I feel very comfortable around her, I shared very personal things with her, I am not feeling shy about anything with her, I don't have troubles sleeping over day with her, no noises are disturbing me...

I'll just try it again in a month, I guess.

OK, here's my 2 cent's worth. Do you have carpeting in your own room and does she also, or is the carpet only in her room? Also, are you normally a snorer? Taking a short nap (3 hours) usually does not make one snore as it's not deep enough of a sleep, and not all people snore with daylight in the room. I don't know why this is so, but it has been documented. Also carpets have an allergic type reaction ability.

If you are a snorer, long sleep will tend to make you snore and maybe this is keeping you 'awake' for fear that she'll be bothered by it, so out of considerations for her you refuse, subconsciously to stay over all night. Have you tried sleeping at her place on the couch all night? If not, next time you 'sleep over' and get the same feeling, instead of leaving try the couch. I'm sure you talked about it with her otherwise she'd feel she is doing something wrong or bothering you.

If you are serious about each other, see a therapist after giving it a few more chances. Maybe she has a few ideas also.

I don't stay the whole night as my b/f has carpet and I have allergies, so he will pull it out after the winter and put in flooring and understands that until then, it's play and go for me.

I sure hope that you get the issue straightened out and wish you both a lot of fun. If the couch works, then both of you try it together. If it does not work then, you have a fear you need to talk to a therapist about. Pleasant dreams and Good Luck.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_8_4v.gif

I have been sharing a room with my sister for about 15 years. I asked her multiple times if I snore, and she said I don't. Also, I asked people I was traveling with if I snore, and they all said I don't.

I am allergic to nothing. NOTHING. :) There are carpets all over my place, as well as hers, but I'm certain I'm not allergic to anything (which includes carpets).

We talked openly about it, and she understands me. She knows she's not bothering me in any way. I'd tell her if I feel anything is bothering me, because I want to sort this thing out too :)

We went for a short journey together this weekend and spent a night together at her aunt's. I could sleep in sessions of 1-2 hours, then I'd wake and stay awake for 5-10 minutes, then fall asleep again.

I guess I'm doing better.

One thing I noticed: I don't like waking her up whenever she falls asleep, unless we have to go somewhere. Whenever I turn in bed when she's asleep, I wake her up. Perhaps me not wanting to wake her up has something to do with it, however I don't find it a trouble over day.

Well, at least I see some improvement...