I am 19 years old and falling in love with guy 13 years older than me. This came as a surprise for me because is the first time I like someone with so many years of difference. He seems to like me to, but the age thing could be holding him back a little. I have been flirting with him for a couple of months, and know that think are advancing, I have been thinking more of what I am doing. I am afraid the age difference would be too much, and that later on he would ask for more that just hugs and kisses, and I am not ready for it yet. For some reason the story of my life repeats it self, the guys I like don't like me or now in this case, probably he shouldn't like me. I really like him, and I don’t know if it would be wise to continue and listen to my feelings. I fell desperate, confused and helpless with this situation. I would really appreciate some comments.:( :confused:

What do you hope to gain from this? It sounds to me like this "man" acts like a child if this is how he shows he likes you... and I don't think you need that. You are lonely, I get that, but why not find a guy more your age? He WILL ask you for more than "hugs and kisses" later on, and I personally think he has no busniess hitting on a 19 year old. Nothing against you, its just not right though. I say stay away from this situation while you can, nothing good can come out of this. What happens when you are not lonely anymore and want to break it off? Maybe he wants to get married, or have kids!! You young ladies can get yourselves into BIG TROUBLE by not thinking this kind of stuff out. You don't like him, you just like the attention he is giving you... think about it. Do you really think he wants to take you out to the movies and ice cream for long? You being under 21 there isn't much a 32 year old man can do with you... sorry. If you really want an older man, why not look for someone about 3-4 years older than you, but at 19 I don't think that would be a good idea either. I think nothing good will come of this... BAIL NOW! If you need to talk, we are here for you 24/7 and Im sure you have friedns you can talk to as well! Use your head, don't do it... end of story. I seriously doubt anyone else on here will tell you any different.

Thank you

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Originally Posted by Amanda_88

I am 19 years old and falling in love with guy 13 years older than me. This came as a surprise for me because is the first time I like someone with so many years of difference. He seems to like me to, but the age thing could be holding him back a little. I have been flirting with him for a couple of months, and know that think are advancing, I have been thinking more of what I am doing. I am afraid the age difference would be too much, and that later on he would ask for more that just hugs and kisses, and I am not ready for it yet. For some reason the story of my life repeats it self, the guys i like don't like me or now in this case, probably he shouldn't like me. I really like him, and I don’t know if it would be wise to continue and listen to my feelings. I fell desperate, confused and helpless with this situation. I would really appreciate some comments.:( :confused:

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I once dated a man 20 years older than me. So I know how you feel. You're probably right about him expecting more than hugs and kisses. If you're not ready for that then don't do it. Make sure he respects you. Lots of people say age is just a number, and it doesn't make a difference in the long run. And that's true in some cases. It's all about the level of maturity you are at at this point. You are 19, so it's legal. But if you feel like you're doing something wrong, or something's not right about the relationship, then don't pursue it any further. In the same respect, if you want to see how things would work out, take it slow. Stay true to yourself, and stick to your morals either way. Good luck.

No problem, but you can REALLY thank me by letting this go... please... NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT, NO "TAKING IT SLOW" You are "legal" but that doesn't mean you are an adult... Jesus, nothing good will come of this... %100 sure about that.

The age thing can be a big issue, although not always admittedly. I married a 31 year old man when I was 22. I thought he loved me, but it was only a small attraction and friendship - he thought he was getting older and thought he should 'settle down', so he chose me! (LUCKY ME! Yeah... )

The first 6 months of our marriage was good and he treated me like a princess and the love of his life, but everything went downhill pretty quickly after that. At times it felt like there was a 90 year age gap rather than 9 too.

We divorced after a 4 year marriage and have both now remarried. I have no idea how his new marriage is going nor how old his new wife is, but all I can hope it's that it's faring better than ours... And my new husband is wonderful - we've been together 5 years and are still as happy as the day we met (and he's only 2 years older). We have much more in common too.

My only real advise (other than letting you know my story) is this: If you have ANY doubts, DON'T go there! I should have listened to mine when I was about to marry the first time - I had absolutely no doubts with my second husband. Your instincts are your best defence.

I think you seriously need to figure out (preferably with a good therapist) why you tend to become attracted to men who are not suited for you. I also agree with other posters who very clearly say that you must follow your intuition, gut, instincts...

Hugs, Didi

I have gotten to think that the fact that I have many goals for my life makes afraid of getting too involved , and then not been able to fulfill them. Probably that's why...

Jeffatl: You chose to disagree with me and called me rude because I suggested that Amanda_88 seek therapy?? Let's see... was it because I closed my advice with "Hugs, Didi" that I was rude? Or was it because I agreed with other posts who suggested that she follow her insticts?

For the record, Amanda_88 stated: "For some reason the story of my life repeats it self, the guys i like don't like me or now in this case, probably he shouldn't like me."

I, speaking as someone with years of experience as a counsellor, gave her advice that I felt she seriously needed to figure out (preferably with a good therapist) why she tends to become attracted to men who are not suited for her. How does that become rude, and how does that not offer advice for the situation? Your comment that it was uncalled for was totally inaccurate. Amanda_88 was seeking advice for the situation, and said she was repeating a pattern. I would be remiss in NOT suggesting that she seek therapy!

I would like to know what your therapeutic background is that makes you capable of judging my response in the way that you did? Personally I think you should think before you react.

Amanda_88, I stand behind my original post. You are very clearly troubled about the situation and from your post it seems that you have had several unsuccessful relationships. To me, an experienced counselor (and yes, I have done couple's counselling, marital counselling and family counselling) I think that exploring the possible reasons as to why you tend to be attracted to men who are not suitable for you would be a wise choice.

Hugs, Didi

EDIT: Okay, now I think I understand Jeffatl's response! On Sept. 26 he posted "I just seem to have this crazy habbit of going for girls that are totally WRONG for me.." Perhaps my advice just hit a little too close to home?

Didi

Hey amanda..
I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 16 yrs older than me... more or less the same age gap...
I had exactly the same reservations when we first started but once I stopped worrying about what other people would think, it didn't matter. I don't see my boyf as an age I see him as a guy I love. We took it very slow in the beginning and tested the relationship to make sure we were doing the right thing.
Call me a hopless romantic but I do believe love is ageless.
Two years on and we're getting on better and better every day. There's some people that say your young and you should be out living your life and I totally agree,do the things you want to do and do them for yourself,but would it make a difference if it was a guy who was 5 yrs or 13 yrs older than you? If he cares then he won't want to hold you back either way..
For obvious reasons I'm in favour of it... I think we're all just people and at the end of the day lifes too short to miss out on something so beautiful just because it has been instilled in us that age gaps are wrong. In many other cultures it's the norm...
I'm sure you'll come to the right decision, and I wish you the best whatever it is! X

Thank you for everything, it's helping me to see things with a different perspective.