In order to understand this I suppose you will have to know a thing or two about me. I'm a very giving person, all I do is care for others. Constantly. My constant caring for others has left me with a lifetime that is less than desired. I've never been truly happy. Ever.. because I never do a damn thing for myself.

After coming out of a really terrible two and a half year relationship, with someone who was controlling, and manipulative and just overall really emotionally abusive. I met a wonderful man. We talk for hours every night, we connected on a level neither of us has ever experienced before. Any childhood prince charming, I could have ever dreamed up, personality, physically, everything. He blows out of the water. He's the first person who truly has complete respect, for me. And he's the only person I've ever been able to talk to fully. He's much like myself, in that he's really caring and a great listener. So being able to talk to him is amazing.

The downside? He's married. You knew something was coming. Anyway, their marriage is one that has been deteriorating for years, and finally hit an all time low after his mother died. And she showed no compassion and pulled away even more from him and their two young boys. She's in the military and is currently on a 1 year leave. She comes home after six months, at which point they are going to discuss their divorce and separate.

So basically.. everything between the two of us is perfect, and our future is set. We are madly in love and I am more than excited to bring three new people into my life.

However, my family does not support me. They do not believe that they are going to divorce, and they just think that he is going to hurt me. While I'm not being completely blind to that option that this may happen.. in my heart I know it won't. The moment she stopped being mom, he knew he had to end the marriage.

My family refuses to speak to me about the matter until they see divorce papers, and my brother refuses to look at me.. let alone speak to me.

What do I do? Just wait it out without the support of my family until I can show them "look here are the papers...and he's still by my side!" or.. do I fight for their support?

Help me.


_confusedpirate

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Originally Posted by confusedpirate

In order to understand this I suppose you will have to know a thing or two about me. I'm a very giving person, all I do is care for others. Constantly. My constant caring for others has left me with a lifetime that is less than desired. I've never been truly happy. Ever..

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If you have never been truly happy giving to others, then you have not done it correctly. You've been a Pleaser, a Doormat, not a Giver. (I know whereof I speak. I've been there.)

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She's in the military and is currently on a 1 year leave. She comes home after six months, at which point they are going to discuss their divorce and separate.

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You have seen solid evidence of this beyond only his telling you so?

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The moment she stopped being mom, he knew he had to end the marriage.

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She joined the military to get away from him and their children? Or was she already obligated to serve and had no choice in the matter? How did she stop "being mom"? She has had no contact with her husband and children and has written them out of her life in favor of being in the military?

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My family refuses to speak to me about the matter until they see divorce papers

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I want to see the divorce papers too. Once the wife/mother comes home on leave (and relieves him of many of the responsibilities he's had to take on in her absence), I'm betting there will be no discussion of divorce.

Please find someone who is available and legal.

I am no expert in this matter other than my ex husband did about the same thing to me. It is just my opinion but I don't see how you can expect them to support you because after all he is still married. I am afraid you are setting yourself up for heartache as well. My husband was talking with another woman had her convinced I was the wicked witch of the East and he was so far off base it wasn't even funny. The truth of the matter was that he liked the feeling of the thrill of getting caught by me, it all started over the internet. He had even went as far as flying to meet this woman (telling me he had business for his job there) spent time with her and such. I found out about his little affair while he was away and he begged me to forgive him. I called this woman to confront her and after talking comparing his lies and shedding many tears, we both ended our relationship with him. I have been divorced now for over 17 years from that man, and me and her still email each other. Please be careful, and protect your heart, he hurt this other woman very badly as she had just lost her husband 2 years prior to that, not to mention the hurt he caused me as I loved him more than anything. It isn't truly fair to his wife for him to be talking with you like he does, there is always 2 sides to a story and you can't hear hers. I am living proof to that. Take care and Good luck

Congrats on finding love, but you kind of need to think about what other people think, and think about what's right.
My parents got divorced when I was eight and I will never forgive my mother for getting married almost two months after the divorce. It makes you look like a homewrecker. Furthermore, has he already said he was going to marry you after the divorce? If this is the case he is an unloyal husband and unworthy of any woman's love, including yours. Who's to say he won't leave you for another woman just like he did to his wife.
If he divorces, this man needs to get his head on straight before he launches in to another relationship.
Your family is mad about this for all of the duhhh reasons in the world!!
Your destroying a family, the man is getting a divorce because of you.

I can understand your desperation for love when you've already lead such a selfless life. However, because he is a married man seeking an extramarital affair, I wonder if you have fallen into a trap of being used again.

My mother married a man like this. His wife wasn't there and he wanted someone who was open to taking care of his 4 kids. Unfortunately, mom didn't realize that was his only interest in her until they were heading toward their own divorce.

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So basically.. everything between the two of us is perfect, and our future is set. We are madly in love and I am more than excited to bring three new people into my life.

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I'm sorry hun, but it can't really be perfect between you until he's divorced. I'm not 100% certain, but if his heart is set on this he may not have to wait 6 months to proceed with this. I would look into it if I were you and try to force the issue.

Honestly, I know you feel used by your family but they do love and cherish you. Otherwise, they wouldn't take the time to complain about the situation you're in. Heck, if you're right about him, you'll be able to shove it in their face later. But, take some time to consider what they are saying... they're worried about you.

Good luck

I have nothing to say... Other than please take your own advice.

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Originally Posted by confusedpirate

Also please consider what you deserve, no woman deserves to be the "other woman", if by chance one finds love and the circumstances are not correct. Then between the two, it needs to be decided whether or not the man wants to leave his spouse. However, being the "other woman" for a period of years is something that no woman deserves.

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I understand that you feel you found Prince Charming and his white horse. But you are only hearing things from his side of the story, which he can paint any colour he wants you to hear. My advice would be to break it off with him and tell him that you cannot see him, talk to him, hear from him, until he brings the physical evidence he is divorced. Period. Then close the door, do not answer his calls or his emails. If he really means what he says to you, then he will either move mountains to be with you or you will see his real colours come through that rainbow you have painted of him.

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Originally Posted by confusedpirate

In order to understand this i suppose ya'll will have to know a thing or two about me. i'm a very giving person, all i do is care for others. Constantly. My constant caring for others has left me with a lifetime that is less than desired. I've never been truly happy. Ever.. because i never do a damn thing for myself.

After coming out of a really terrible two and a half year relationship, with someone who was controlling, and manipulative and just overall really emotionally abusive. I met a wonderful man. We talk for hours every night, we connected on a level neither of us has ever experienced before. Any childhood prince charming, i could have ever dreamed up, personality, physically, everything. He blows out of the water. He's the first person who truly has complete respect, for me. And he's the only person i've ever been able to talk to fully. He's much like myself, in that he's really caring and a great listener. So being able to talk to him is amazing.

The downside? He's married. Ya'll knew something was coming. Anyway, their marriage is one that has been deteriorating for years, and finally hit an all time low after his mother died. And she showed no compassion and pulled away even more from him and their two young boys. She's in the military and is currently on a 1 year leave. She comes home after six months, at which point they are going to discuss their divorce and separate.

So basically..everything between the two of us is perfect, and our future is set. We are madly in love and i am more than excited to bring three new people into my life.

However, my family does not support me. They do not believe that they are going to divorce, and they just think that he is going to hurt me. While i'm not being completely blind to that option that this may happen.. in my heart i know it wont. The moment she stopped being mom, he knew he had to end the marriage.

My family refuses to speak to me about the matter until they see divorce papers, and my brother refuses to look at me.. let alone speak to me.

What do i do? Just wait it out without the support of my family until i can show them "look here are the papers...and he's still by my side!" or.. do i fight for their support?

help me.


_confusedpirate

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I am a widow. I am in love with person who is married .there is no affection between two of them .but my as well as his children are of the age we are in the situation of finding suitable match for our elder ones. Hence in his case divorce is out of question. But we cannot live without each other and moreover i need his support to a greater extent

Why Why Why?? Why do women do this? You are setting yourself up for disappoinment. If this is really the "one" then break it off with this guy. Go about this the right way for the sake of his wife and his children. If this is really it, then he will still love you after he divorces his wife. I am sorry that your family doesn't support you and you feel abandoned by them, but I can't say that I blame them. I don't believe that my family would support me in this type of relationship either. Want to know why? Because sleeping with another woman's husband is just plain WRONG! I think that it is fantastic that you are a giver, so show your true colors and give this man back to his wife. If he is truly the great man that you think he is then he will respect his wife enough to go about ending this marriage the manly way.