Iam 29 and she is 24 have been married for 4 years now. I have made all the effort in the world to make her life comfortable pay her college tuition, books and everything she needs take her on vactions outside the country every year at least once. She works at a hospital and I recently found out that she way cheating on me with a doctor at the hospital am so hurt right now and don't know what to do. All I know is that I love her very much but I don't know if I can trust her ever again. I need advice on what to do.

How did you find out?
Does she know that you know?

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Originally Posted by Daskgh

Iam 29 and she is 24 have been married for 4 years now. I have made all the effort in the world to make her life comfortable pay her college tuition, books and everything she needs take her on vactions outside the country every year at least once. she works at a hospital and i recently found out that she way cheating on me with a doctor at the hospital am so hurt right now and dont know what to do. all i know is that i love her very much but i dont know if i can trust her ever again. I need advice on what to do.

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#1, proof of evidence? Did she tell you she is cheating? Do you have evidence she is cheating?

I know you don't always need evidence to know someone is cheating, but if you are going off an assumption or you 'heard it through the grapevine' then maybe you don't know what you think you know...

Yes I do have the prove because she admitted to cheating

Well, IMO I think this is where you have to make a choice.

If you have assumed the 'Daddy' role, paid her way, made sure she has had everything, I'm sure she probably DOES love you -- just not in the same way you love her, or not in the way that she needs. She does not respect you if she has slept with someone else. Not only can you not trust her, or respect her, you shouldn't feel sorry for her in any way.

If you let her 'get away' with being a cheater in this relationship - and forgive her - you will never know that she hasn't done it again, and your relationship will go beyond 'not trusting' to a controlling situation. Not only will she feel like she has to let you know what she is doing every minute of the day to try and avoid you doubting her, the second that you don't know what she is doing - you will probably start wondering if she is doing someone else.

If you ask me, I would have to say honestly get out now. You deserve better, and if she REALLY LOVED YOU she wouldn't have been able to bring herself to sleep with another man.

I've been here before myself, with my ex boyfriend being the cheater. I could not leave myself in a relationship in which I did not feel secure. To think that he gave into cheating on me - possibly exposing me to disease - and really not caring what it could do to me...

I know where you stand and it's not a pretty view.

I know you are married and I respect the sacrement of marriage, but then again -- she took those vows too, and obviously they didn't mean too much to her.

If I were you, I wouldn't torture myself. You deserve better, can do better, and should pick up, move on, and let her sleep in the bed she has made. Life is about decisions and it's the decision she has made for you.

Well at least she admitted it... that is the first step to working through it... that is, if you both want to.

What does she say about it? Does she want to try and work through it, do you?

Personally I believe once a cheater always a cheater... at least with the same partner. I mean, if she was looking for something outside your marriage, what won't make her look for it again?