I think you have to examine 'the dream' and ask yourself why it is that you are clinging to it so strongly. It may not all be about *her*, the real person, if you get my drift. What is it about her that caused you to fall in love with her? Did she treat you well from the start? Or did she blow hot and cold, encouraging you to become obsessed? Because there is a strong element of fantasy in all romantic relationships, but especially so in the unhealthy ones. We have to be brutally honest in asking ourselves exactly what it is that ticks our boxes - that leads to emotional enslavement.

Because I think what you are describing is a form of emotional enslavement. Idealistic people are prone to this. I know, from personal experience.

I think it's up to you to recognise that, realise what it is in you that causes that kind of emotional reaction, and resolve to change it. It is minimally about *her* - WHY should you love someone who is cruel and selfish and morally reprehensible (I'm going by what I know of her manipulations in your various posts). You speak about her like she is a drug. You need to break that habit, like any addiction.


EDIT: I deleted her from my Facebook, all her friends, family. Photos of us. All gone no more traces... finally, you have to let go sooner or later lol.

I love it.. Best way my counselor described it to me was like this. If you were to write down everything about your ex like it was a profile of her and you were going threw profiles and came across one that said

Selfish
Cold hearted
Unfaithful
Head games
Afraid of commitment

You would probably go to the next page.

Look at the whole picture and no just what you thought it could be or who you THOUGHT she was look at who she is NOW and realize that is WHO she is.. Not what you conjured in your head