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Originally Posted by survivor03

This question(s) is open really for anyone, but I do want it to be known that I am sincerely seeking wisdom from a "seasoned" Christian.
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I am nearing 40 now and feel as if I have accomplished nothing in my life except mistakes.....I wonder how God still can be so good to me, but sometimes wonder if he will provide and love me but as far as my "dreams" and "desires" that I wish to do for him....I feel as if my time is passed. How can I get rid of all this anger, synicism and hurt that I feel for all the things that I feel I have been robbed of....even though I went through all that I did in my "earlier" years I always felt sincere compassion and heart felt love for others....I find my thoughts being angry and it's as if I have very little compassion, sympathy or pity for some these days....partly I think beacuse "pity" was my snare.... and I sometimes want to just get "bold" and "cold" with what I say......I haven't acted on most of these emotions or feelings but I am so angry at the loss of time.....the waste of time and the fact that here I sit yet again, tired, worn out and wanting to still make a difference that I never seem to achieve.

I know now things that I didn't know then, I do have more "knowledge" in some areas and I can see things more clearly in some things but MAN is this walk in life this hard for others sometimes I wonder..... I love God with everything in me and I have to be honest I am so tired of crying tears on his altar....sometimes such worthless tears. I feel that I have filled his altar at times with tears. I adore him, and know truly in my life I could not breath without him.....quite frankly I think I have worn the ears out of my friends...I have asked and sought knowledge, direction and wisdom until I am worn out in thinking about it and since I have been home alone now I haven't talked about any of this with anyone because even though my friends and family love me so dearly I couldn't say much now but how angry I am and that is never a good thing.......so here I am seeking the advice of strangers in the hopes that maybe someone "out there" will understand or maybe have "been there"....

If you would like to share your thoughts or wisdom please do so...I do not however ask for your pity it is undeserved as I have said......these choices mostly I made for myself........If nothing else......thanks for listening.

survivor03

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Hello, Survivor,

You have certainly been through the mill, and my heart goes out to you. Some of the questions you ask, I cannot answer. Mostly because I can not see into your future and my crsytal ball is at the shop because it keeps getting things wrong! :)

But I can share some of my thoughts with you about feeling 'unconnected' to God.

We know from experience that God is faithful to us. That does not mean that he never lets us get into bad situations, or that he makes sure that nothing bad ever happens to us. It means that when we are in trouble, he never abandons us and he never stops loving us.

If you will continue to have faith and trust in God, and continue to pour out your heart to him in prayer, you will regain the closeness that you once had. God does not move away from us, even when it feels as if he has done so.

Read your Bible daily, and find a church where you are happy to worship, and the seeming distance between yourself and your loving God will shrink until it disappears altogether.

There are some other fine Christians who write here who will give you good advice also.

God bless you.




MORGANITE

:)

Hi,
In order to know "where I am coming from", I am 63 yrs old, retire, married (second time) now for 28 yrs to a wonderful woman, 3 grown children, one grandson, 8 yrs old.
I am a Christian, Baptized into our Lord, Jesus Christ, and just recently, both of us renewed our vows to Jesus. In the year 2004, my wife had tongue cancer, bottom of the tongue, went through Chemo and Radiation treatments, lost almost half her weight, and I had to retire to stay home with her 24/7.
After 1 and 1/2 yrs, she is now "cancer free". The Lord has blessed us.
We don't ask "Why did God allow this to happen", we simply pray to thank him for all our blessings, and that she is still alive and well.
You might feel you are "disconnected" from God, but God does not feel that way. His Grace is always there, and all one has to do is accept it.

First, I highly, highly, recommend going to an Ala-Non meeting in your local area. There, you can talk with others who have been through the exact, and/or similar situations. PLEASE attend at least one meeting, and you will be amazed at what you learn, new friends you will make, and you will come to know that God is maybe quiding you there! You will also learn a most important fact... that is, none of this is Your Fault.
Second, re-dedicate your life to God at your Church. Get out and meet some new people, and start thinking about the good things in your life, talking with others... especially the Ala-Non meeting.
Another good thing to do is to sit down, and start writing down what you are thankful for... Write down the good things in your life. Before you know it, you will have a whole legal pad full of good things that God has blessed you with.
After my first divorce, I thought my life was over, had two children, 3 and 4 yrs old, and all my ideas of raising a family were gone. But, I got out, met new people, and met my wife to be... after two yrs, we married.
God blesses you everyday, and all you have to do is find out how, and where He is guiding you. If you "worry", it will produce nothing, but more "worry"... not helping anything. If you are "concerned", then that means you want to change your life, and do something about it. Start with Ala-NON.

I want to that you Fredg and also morganite for your kind words and advice. I do appreciate them. Fredg... I am humbled by your experiences with your wife and thankful to the Lord for healing your wife. I do pray sincerely that she continues to be in remission and that you both thrive in your walk with him. Again, thank you both.