I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. I have a baby girl who is less than a year old with this guy. My relationship with this guy has been feeling like its hitting the rocks. Sex life has basically gone out the window after gaining weight from my pregnancy, he doesn't give me the attention or affection that I so badly need. I ran into an old friend from high school recently, this old friend and I used to be really close. I used to be head over heals for him, but I never told him. I could tell that he felt something for me too, but I was never confident enough to make a move on him. This old friend has a girlfriend now as well, I know he wouldn't be with her if he didn't go and get her pregnant (but that's a different story). Anyway, we hung out for a few hours catching up, flirting like always. I told him how I used to feel about him, and he was on the same page as me. After getting a little touchy-feely we shared a little kiss. This old friend has been in the back of my mind for the past 5 years, I've never been able to shake him off. I truly feel like Im in love with him. There is a part of me that wants so badly to be with him, but then I feel committed to my recently gone-bad relationship. The other part of me feels like my daughter cannot grow up with separated parents. What am I supposed to do? Do I leave the father of my baby because Im not happy and have my baby paying for that? Or do I leave to find my own happiness?

Ask yourself how you'd like your life to look..
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Do you think you can get yourself together, start losing weight, feeling better about yourself, and re-kindling the romance with 'dad'?

Do you think you can stay a little heavy, probably get pregnant again with this other guy who is already going to be a 'dad' because that 'kiss' sent your stomach tingling?

What exactly is it that you want to hear from us?

Try and seriously look at the pros and cons of your present state and work on what you want changed. Just be aware that as a mother, you have responsibilities that were not there before, and you also have to think with a level head.

Worst case looks to me like you'll have to join a group with a lot of other 'single moms'.

Take a look and see what you can 'live' with.

Get back with us and tell us how you see your future.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_5_16.gif The past is gone... all you have now is your future.. plan it well.



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You are not happy, that is clear. But you know that going after someone who gave you a good kiss is not going to make you happy. Happiness does not come in the form of something or someone external. Sure, being around certain people can lend to happiness but if you are that sad in your heart, that sadness will follow you like a hungry dog.

Rather than worry about this other guy - who impregnated another girl and has THAT responsibility - concentrate on you. Look at where you are and how you can make your own self-improvements. Do not make yourself over for anyone else but you. If losing weight will help you gain back yourself esteem, then do it for that reason. Also, I would ask that you go to your doctor for a complete physical. Some of the things you say reminds me of lingering post partum depression. Also a family or relationship counselor would not be a bad idea. Both you and your boyfriend should go.

You say the relationship has hit the rocks. Identify all the reasons you think it has and can you tell when that started? What are some of the triggers that caused the downhill slope? Ask yourself how much are you willing to emotionally invest in this man? Is your life better off with him or better off without him (Ann Landers used to ask that of women who would write into her)? You have a toddler with this man - do not use your child as an excuse to stay in a dysfunctional relationship. You can use your child as a reason to honestly make this relationship work. Hard work. On BOTH sides. If you are the only one who is willing and able to fis what is broken, then it is adios to this guy. He is not worth it. It took the two of you to create the family and it will take the two of you to strengthen the family and make it whole.

But whatever you do, do not go to this other guy and try for something that is missing in your life. Because it is missing in his life too. Why would you want a man who would already cheat on his pregnant girlfriend? That could be you in nine months, remember that.

I wanted to say thank you to the both of you for your much needed advice. It has really helped me come to my sensces.

I don't know if you guys are very spirtual, but I have been having a lot of talks with God and I have been asking him to help me, to show me what I am supposed to do. In just these couple of days I have come to realize that I cannot give into temptation.

I committed myself to this relationship way before I had my baby. My boyfriend was there for me when I had no one and nothing! There are always going to be problems in every relationship. I do want my relationship to work... I want my baby to now what it's like to have both loving paretns there for her, together. I did not come to this conclusion based on my baby alone.

I cannot be selfish! I know my boyfriend loves me and I know that he is probably going through his own problems. There is happiness in our relationship, I've been there before.

I can't believe I was honestly thinking of doing such a monsterous thing... If I left him, he would be broken! I know this. And what about the other girl? How could I think about ruing their relationship?? She is about to have his child...

Im glad I didn't do such a stupid thing and jepordize mine and my child's future. The answer was right there the whole time, I just needed someone to show me a little clearer. This whole situation has made me a little stronger and made me more secure in my relationship.

Temptation. It's a hard thing to walk away from, when at that point and time, looks like the answer to your prayrs. I cannot let old feelings get in the way of what's reality...

Reality. That I know my boyfriend and I can be GREAT togther. Realationships don't work themselves, you have to make them work. I know he is a great guy. I've seen it first hand...

So thank God for answering my prayrs and thank you shygrneyzs and Chery for caring for a perfect stranger.

I'm so glad we were able to help you Alicia.

Perfect strangers can help each other see things a little clearer beause there is no biased judgement in the way. What is not strange is the issues and emotions involved because we are all human and vulnerable and most of us have somehow been in the same predicament.

Please don't be a stranger here.. we love having you, and you can help others who are confused as well.

Wishing you and yours all the best.

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You are so welcome, Alicia. Am glad that you saw things through different sets of eyes. You are right - you made a commitment. I know it is hard, sometimes very hard, to honor that commitment. You are human, just like us, and face the same temptations. Don't be hard on yourself but be glad you resisted the "forbidden fruit" in this situation.

I will be praying for you and your family. Let us know how things go. Take care.

I wanted to update this post...

M