Ask Me Help Desk - 4 year girlfriend ups and leaves.no particular or exact explination

Hello everyone.. I am having a bit of a problem.. my girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago.. we were together for 4 and ahalf years.. Ive already made the stupid mistake of chasing after her.. trying to talk to her.. begging for a chance.. throught out our relationship we were so in love.. the first 2 years.. we spent damn near every day together.. our love was so strong.. she was everything to me.. we both at one point told each other we could not live without each other.. toward the end we both started to just go through the motions.. we started to fall apart.. one day she just completely started ignoring me.. gave me no explination, nothing. I would have to beg her just to get a simpole little answer out of her.. I still can't grasp what's happened.. its been 2 months since we have broike up.. she isn't seeing anyone, I know that for a fact. She said she needed time away from me.. what the hell do I do! I think about her at least 5 times a day.. should I move on? Keep trying? Not contact her and let her miss me?

Its REALLY good you have finally understood it's a stupid idea to keep chacing them.. Now you have relised that you may have a chance!
What do you want to do??
The best thing you can do is leave her alone... and only talk to her every now and then!
Don't give your hopes up... It may be over for good it may not.. if you want to take the time to wait and see do it.. If you want to move on do it..
Eitherway work on yourself and better yourself in this time..

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Originally Posted by CornDog

Its REALLY good you have finaly understood its a stupid idea to keep chacing them.. Now you have relised that you may have a chance!
What do you want to do???
The best thing you can do is leave her alone... and only talk to her every now and then!
Dont give your hopes up... It may be over for good it may not.. if you want to take the time to wait and see do it.. If you want to move on do it..
Eitherway work on yourself and better yourself in this time..

Well of course what I want is her. I'll do whatever it takes.. if it takes no contact I guess ill do it.. I just cannot grasp or understand how someone you loved for 4 years can completely ignore u.. I haven't contacted her for a little over a week until today.. I wrote her a 7 page letter asking her for an explinatin.. a reason, anything.. I wish I knew how she felt, I don't even know that.. I don't know how to treat the situation because she doesn't tell me anything. At all. She seriously up and left one day, ignored me ever since..

Quote:

Originally Posted by youneek1988

well of course what i want is her. I'll do whatever it takes..if it takes no contact I guess ill do it..i just cannot grasp or understand how someone u loved for 4 years can completely ignore u..i havent contacted her for a little over a week until today..i wrote her a 7 page letter asking her for an explinatin..a reason, anything..i wish i knew how she felt, i dont even know that..i dont know how to treat the situation because she doesnt tell me anything. at all. she seriously up and left one day, ignored me ever since..

:| NO, We don't write 7 page letters, Your just making it worse! I thought you said you had relised it's a stupid idea?
That letter of 7 pages better not be about how much you love her,
Look I have been where you are only just coming out the other side of it now..
It took me amonth of leaving my ex alone for her to start even opening up about our problems.. I just contacted her once aweek said hello or what not and yeah didn't talk much..

She can Be doing this for 2 reasons:
1.She is either a total meanie and doesn't care
2.She needs time to heal from what ever has upset her.
THINK ABOUT IT!!
Mostlikley the answer is 2, so you have nothing to worrie about.
She isn't going to be with anyone else etc etc...
I don't know her, you do.. And I think you can answer that one yourself..
So start thinking logicaly and give her the time she needs.. Its very hard I know!
Hopfully someone can give you more advice, with a little more experence than me

You have put this in Mental & Emotional Health So I guess your having some problems/breakdowns/depression of sorts..
What's been going on? Do you Sleep at all? Have you been eating?

Don't worry, the letter was nothing like that at all.. I told her that I was done being annoying.. and done trying to talk to her.. I just explained to her that I wanted an explination and why or whatever.. I think I at least deserve that.. I told her she could write me back, e mail me or whatever.. I just really want to know what I did.. im just left in the dark here trying to figure out what is going on.. I find myself always trying to figure out what she is thinking.. as far as my health goes.. ive been losing a lot of sleep.. I usually don't go to bed until 2 or later.. eating habits are all right.. and I always get that bad feeling in my stomach.. kinda like butterflies when I think about it too much.. I don't really have breakdowns.. I drink a lot.. im in college, so I often lose focus while doing homework or in class.. it sucks.. I hate not having contact with her because I'm always afraid of if I let it go too long.. she will just eventually get over me and it will be too late.. im already afraid of that, how else would she have the strength to ignore someone she was w for 4 and ahalf years.. she doesn't care a bit about me, and I don't understand how she does it

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I hate not having contact with her because I'm always afraid of if I let it go too long.. she will just eventually get over me and it will be too late

Of course, But this is the whole reason in doing it! If she moves on there's nothing you can do and you should be ready for that because it could well happen.. But if she comes back your know its for the right reasons.

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don't worry, the letter was nothing like that at all.. I told her that I was done being annoying.. and done trying to talk to her.. I just explained to her that I wanted an explination and why or whatever

Don't send anymore to her... ITS NOT HELPING!

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I'm already afraid of that, how else would she have the strength to ignore someone she was w for 4 and ahalf years.. she doesn't care a bit about me, and I don't understand how she does it

Girls seem to be very good at shutting down in relationship breakups..

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as far as my health goes.. ive been losing a lot of sleep.. I usually don't go to bed until 2 or later.. eating habits are all right.. and I always get that bad feeling in my stomach.. kinda like butterflies when I think about it too much.. I don't really have breakdowns..

Sounds like what most people feel, Was just making sure you was allright.. You should consider going to a DR like I did though.. they can really give you some good ideas or even some temp sleeping tablets.. and they can help you think a lot clearer.

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.. she doesn't care a bit about me, and I don't understand how she does it

If she didn't care about you Im sure she would have let you know by now... But that's just a guess. Again you know her better than anyone!

REMEMBER, Your not the only one going through all this.. And even though its hard right now.. You WILL get through it and come out a stronger person.
I can't really give many tips.. Im still learning myself the main reason I replyed to you was because, I just wanted to say you need to leave her alone if you want any chance of ever getting back with her.. That's one thing I have learnt :P

Yeah.. I really appreciate the advice.. it really has honestly helped.. and thanks for checking up on me! I know right now I am wrapped up in the whole situation and can't look at it in the right way, and it helps to have different perspectives from people.. how long has it been since your whole ordeal? And are you over it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by youneek1988

well of course what i want is her. I'll do whatever it takes..if it takes no contact I guess ill do it..i just cannot grasp or understand how someone u loved for 4 years can completely ignore u..i havent contacted her for a little over a week until today..i wrote her a 7 page letter asking her for an explinatin..a reason, anything..i wish i knew how she felt, i dont even know that..i dont know how to treat the situation because she doesnt tell me anything. at all. she seriously up and left one day, ignored me ever since..

Well try 9yrs that's how long I was with mine unless you are a real jerk or behave inapropriately!She must either really want to be single or has been with someone else because my ex couldn't sleep or even look at me and I am a big jerk cause I keep contacting her but trying hard not too!:mad:

Quote:

Originally Posted by youneek1988

yeah..i really appreciate the advice..it really has honestly helped..and thanks for checkin up on me!!i know right now i am wrapped up in the whole situation and can't look at it in the right way, and it helps to have different perspectives from people..how long has it been since your whole ordeal? and are you over it?

About the same as you! 3 months ;)
I only did the whole chace thing for 2 weeks though.. we are starting to talk again now!
I had to give her the time she needed.. And it was very hard.. Its hard to pretend you don't care about somoene just to give them there time... Its also hard to not recive love from the person you have loved for so long.. And Who the hell do you share problems with now? That's one that's really been hard for me, I was so used to sharing everything with her. I still sometimes nearly ring her to tell her things that are going on in my life.. Just out of habbit...
So the answer to Am I over it is No... Its only just started.
I have hope for us, But Im not putting mylife on it working in my favour.. And Im preparing myself for the worst.
Only in the last week have I started to come out of it abit.. You can see in another thread here I made on the 5th I wasn't coping tell well..
Lol

Well that's good to hear.. and you can tell that you've changed a bit just from reading your posts lol.. I gave her that letter last night, sat it in her car.. and she still hasn't contacted me.. can't believe it.. should I say anything to her about that? Or just leave it as it is now and go on w no contact?

The letter was a good tool to say "Im done begging for you Im done annoying you for your attention" Don't destroy it all by ringing and proving your letter to be a lie. Just let it be..

All right.. im going to take yours and everyone's advice here.. I guess its all I can do.. we'll see how it goes.. from here on out.. no contact..

Well ladies and gentlemen.. stick a fork in me.. im done haha.. this is what she had to say..

Zach,
I am so terribly sorry I have been ignoring you and being a cold hearted... that is not my intention. This is hard to repond to your letter because I do not know the right words to say or even where to start. Our relationship has had its ups and downs... I miss the good times we had and to be perfectly honest I have been lonely and do think you very often.
For a long time we were both going through the motions of being togther, never really acting "inlove". It got to a point where I did not want to hang out with you for the fear of a fight or getting kicked out of your apt. It seemed like everything was conflict between us which made me grow tired and unsure about myself and the way I was being treated. I want you to understand that I do not blame you. It was both of us. Maybe we just weren't compatible, I am not sure? I am the type of person that gives people chance after chance no matter how big or small... But I do have my limit. When that limit is reached I just stop caring, It can be something small it doesn't matter, Its weird I have no good explanation for it. This is just the way I am wired I guess. I wish more than anything I could feel again. I am unsure about love and actually don't believe in it anymore, which is very sad. I want to feel, I want to love and be loved... But I cant. Not now anyway. I have just been hurt one to many times. I sometimes wonder how I could go from worshiping the ground you walked on to not wanting to be with you... the only thing I can come up with is that when I am with you I loose myself, my hopes, dreams, happiness for life, and honestly everything that I like about myself. Over the course of our relationship I went from a strong individual to a weak small minded girl who was dependent on a guy for all aspects of my life... and that is not who I am, or who I ever want to be.
Really sit and think about it Zach... Were you happy when we were togther? Yes maybe 20% of the time but the rest of the time we were fighting. I don't want that. That was disfunctional. I started thinking about the future one day and was like... WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING?? If I stay with Zach we could potentially get married or something... what would happen if we got in a fight?? Would he kick me out or leave?? My parents don't do that crap and I don't want that kind of a life someday. I also started thinking about how you don't trust me... If we stayed together you would never let me leave your sight, or just hang out with my friends. NOt to mention you would never come to anything where my family would be there.
One night Kent and I were drunk and talking about you, It was right at the beginning of summer... I said Kent... Do you think Zach really loves me? Or do think I am wasting my time? Then he said one the most eye opening things to me... he said... Kelsey how many years have you and zach been together? And how many times have I seen him? When I first started seeing brooke I hated your dad but I loved brooke and wanted to be part of her life so I went to family things because it was important to her...
He said enough without directly answering my question. Looking back It was never right... we just clashed.
Someday you are going to wake up and thank god that We are not together becaue the life you would have had with me would have been constant turmoil. I know this is hard, its hard for me to... but I know it has to be like this. I am doing both of us a favor and ending this before it gets out of hand and we are dug so deep we can't get out. I love you. You will always always have a special place in my heart. I thank you for showing me love and sharing many great memories with me, I will never forget them. Maybe someday along the road we could work.. But I have no idea. Anything is possible I guess.

And as for you thinking I am seeing someone else that is completely false. I have no desire to get into another relationship anytime soon. I hope this E-mail gives you some kind of closure. I only want the best for you and I hope that you succeed in everything you set out for. I do care and only want the best for you. I hope someday in the near future, after we are both strong and over the backlash of this break up, that we can be friends.

You are a great guy Zach just not a great guy to me! Someday you will find your true love, and when you do treat her right!

Love Always,
Kelsey

Quote:

Originally Posted by youneek1988

Hello everyone..I am having a bit of a problem..my girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago..we were together for 4 and ahalf years..Ive already made the stupid mistake of chasing after her..trying to talk to her..begging for a chance..throught out our relationship we were so in love..the first 2 years..we spent damn near every day toghether..our love was so strong..she was everything to me..we both at one point told each other we could not live without each other..toward the end we both started to just go through the motions..we started to fall apart..one day she just completely started ignoring me..gave me no explination, nothing. I would have to beg her just to get a simpole little answer out of her..i still can't grasp whats happend..its been 2 months since we have broike up..she isnt seeing anyone, i know that for a fact. she said she needed time away from me..what the hell do i do!! i think about her atleast 5 times a day..should i move on? keep trying? not contact her and let her miss me?

Mabey just give her some space maybe she needs to no she can live with out you be inderpentant or just find her self again if its meant to be she will come back to you.

Youneek. Be happy that she is being honest with you because I see her email as truthful. Be happy you got a good answer why she broke up with you.

Now is the time where what you did or didn't do during the relationship will pay dividends. Do not try to show her you changed etc. You have to let her be if you are ever going to get a chance. Do not push her away by telling her how much you care, love her etc. She knows all this and maybe needs time to think. You can make matters worse by not letting her be.

Many people despise their exes for things that happened after the break up versus what happened during the relationship.

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Originally Posted by Sandstorm99

Youneek. Be happy that she is being honest with you because I see her email as truthful. Be happy you got a good answer why she broke up with you.

Now is the time where what you did or didn't do during the relationship will pay dividends. Do not try to show her you changed etc. You have to let her be if you are ever going to get a chance. Do not push her away by telling her how much you care, love her etc. She knows all this and maybe needs time to think. You can make matters worse by not letting her be.

Many people despise their exes for things that happened after the break up versus what happened during the relationship.

Yeah.. I'm not going to contact her anymore unless she does first.. I replied to her e mail.. Her reply was "wow that e mail was a lot to comprehend..I think we should go to dinner somewhere and talk about this as friends when I feel better" (she is sick).. So who knows, even though I know the reason for her breaking up w me and ignoring me, I am still confused.. She said in the letter we may work someday, then went to saying you just aren't the right guy for me.. Her response confused me as well, I didn't think she would respond, because she said she hoped I could get some closure out of the first e mail..