Ask Me Help Desk - Lost. Relationship with kids

I really don't know where to start... first of its dealing with my two kids from a ex girlfriend, my oldest she is 12 and the youngest is 6, I've been there for them all the way till I met my now wife(2 years ago), me and my ex broke up like 4 years ago, but the kids would still come over almost everyday cause they live like 6 houses away, everything was still good with me and my kids, there mom moved on and had a few boy friends, then I got married and things went down hill. She nailed me with childsupport which I pay $1000 a month, and she hardly lets me see them, always makes a excuse on why they can't come over or doesn't answer the phone, I would always call them to see if they can come over, and there's ALWAYS an excuse why they can't and its stupid reasons, why do I have to pay? I know you are saying cause your the dad, but I have ALWAYS paid for stuff that they need always, I have never ever said no to things that they need I pay for there medical, there school clothes and supplies, everything. I have always paid for there needs, even after me and there mom split up( she fooled around on me) u know there's a lot of dads that want no part ofthre kids at all, and there's me that has always been here and wanting to be here but there mother doesn't wan tthat. Its so frustrating. Me and my daugher(the olddest) used to be best friends, daddys girls,goes with me everywhere, that all ended in one day, next day all the way until now hell.. now my daughter doesn't even call me, I ask her and all she tells me is " i dunno" everything is I don't know, I think there mom brain washed them. Now I have a new baby and this childsupport is really hurting my new family> its not that I forgeting about my old family(kids), it's that there mother is not letting me be there for them and its still my fault she says, everything is my fault, I don't know why I'm typing this here, I know I'm still going to pay out of my , cause it's the law, I guess I'm just venting, if anyone wants to tell me that's its my fault then do so, if you want to tell me shut up and pay, then OK... but you are not in my shoes and every situation is unique and totally different, I'm in living hell, I lost mybest friend(daughter) and some how its my fault and now I'm paying for it, I'm so lost, thanks for letting me vent somewhere , aloha

What I'm gathering from your post is a lot of frustration and pain.
First you must remember that your 1000$ child support is going toward taking care of your children, so that shouldn't bother you.
I think the issue is with the mother not allowing you to see your children, therefor, to take it out on the mother, you feel "why should I have to pay".
In all actuality, yes this may hurt the mother, however, it hurts the children more, and you don't want to do that.
Try to come up with a solution to the real problem... not being able to see your kids like you want to.
Was there a certain court ordered visitation that went along with the custody and the child support?
If you have visitation rights, you can legally see your children during the ordered times.

Well we did go court and she told me thaat she would have it were she is ljoint rights only, and that as soon as she got a job she would make it joint, but that never materialised, she just lied so that I would do that(sign over joint custody, I know for a factg, that I t does not take 1000 bucksevery month to take care of them, remember now, I used to care for them to at one point for A LONG TIME, MAYB E AT THE Beginning OF SCHOOL YEAR ITS COSTS MONEY BUT NOT THAT MUCH, PLUS I HAVE ALWAYS PAID FOR THOSE THINGS Anyway,( sorry for the caps lock) lol she is nailing me with child support because she can, just to hurt me I know cause she tells me if you no do this then I going do this kind of deal, doesn't really need that much financial help,she just wants another source of money coming in, if she did need help I was always here to help, I told her bvefore if there is a bill for the kids, send the bill to me, she has never sent me a thing, always wanted cash, why?? so as far as just feel good that the money is going to the kids, it doesn't, cause its not going to them 100%, you know a lot of people here in Hawaii abuse the rights that we have, well fare is another one, same thing with child support, a lot of mothers do it just to hurt the dad, there are a lot of great dads out there that want nothing more but everything for there kids, then there's the moms that just want to hurt the other one just because they can, I have always taken care of them finacially and physically, its to bad the laws are just "general" one size fits all, why not have a thing where the person that receives the child support have a list on what the parent spends the child support money on? Never will be one like that , oh well mahalo for the reply though its hard dealing with a person that just plays game and hasent grown up, aloha...

The system is abused in other states too. I see all around me mothers who want the child support and they spend it on themselves or a drug addict or their boyfriend and send the kids to relatives or neighbors to get fed. People buy presents for the kids and the mother returns the presents to the store for money for herself. There isn't anything you can do because the law simply goes by what the law IS.

In time when your kids grow up and aren't having to please mom they will probably come around more since they did see they had a good relationship with you at one time. Always let them know they are welcome any time and you want to help them with even the smallest of problems. In the meantime you do need to keep going to court to fight for your visitations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost dad

I really dont know where to start..... first of its dealing with my two kids from a ex girlfriend, my oldest she is 12 and the youngest is 6, ive been there for them all the way till i met my now wife(2 years ago), me and my ex broke up like 4 years ago, but the kids would still come over almost everyday cause they live like 6 houses away, everything was still good with me and my kids, there mom moved on and had a few boy friends, then i got married and things went down hill. she nailed me with childsupport which i pay $1000 a month, and she hardly lets me see them, always makes a excuse on why they can't come over or doesnt answer the phone, i would always call them to see if they can come over, and theres ALWAYS an excuse why they can't and its stupid reasons, why do i have to pay? i know u are saying cause ur the dad, but i have ALWAYS paid for stuff that they need always, i have never ever said no to things that they need i pay for there medical, there school clothes and supplies, everything. I have always paid for there needs, even after me and there mom split up( she fooled around on me) u know theres alot of dads that want no part ofthre kids at all, and theres me that has always been here and wanting to be here but there mother doesnt wan tthat. its so frustrating. Me and my daugher(the olddest) used to be best friends, daddys girls,goes with me everywhere, that all ended in one day, next day all the way until now hell...................................., now my daughter doesnt even call me, i ask her and all she tells me is " i dunno" everything is i dunno, i think there mom brain washed them. Now i have a new baby and this childsupport is really hurting my new family> its not that i forgeting about my old family(kids), its that there mother is not letting me be there for them and its still my fault she says, everything is my fault, i dunno why im typing this here, i know im still going to pay out of my , cause its the law, i guess im just venting, if anyone wants to tell me thats its my fault then do so, if you want to tell me jus shut up and pay, then ok.... but you are not in my shoes and every situation is unique and totally diffrent, im in living hell, i lost mybest friend(daughter) and some how its my fault and now im paying for it, im so lost, thanks for letting me vent somewhere , aloha

Mahalo for the replys, I guess the only thing I can do is keep paying child support and bite my tongue and let this screwed up system rape good parents like me and others, mahalo again