I'm in dire need of assitance. Ex emailed!
Ladies and Gents,
Ok here's the lowdown. I dated a girl for two years. We lived together and we had a great relationship for the first year. Then she went on a family trip with the women of her family a couple weeks after our one year anniversary. During that trip she met some guy who she spent all her time with and took loads of pictures with :( . Upon returning I could sense a disturbance in her and got it out of her that she "felt" something for him. She said she never cheated though (unverified, no evidence). I stayed with her because she insisted she loved me. Thus began the gradual deterioration of our once great "love". We moved in together into a nice house a couple months later (I know I'm foolish but love is blinding). She got into a big car accident and lost her vehicle. I had to drive her around for six months because of it. Our relationship grew in proximity, (i.e. families became intertwined, talking about kids, thinking of the future) but for some reason it wasn't "right". I was very much in love with her since I've never had more fun with anyone in my life but after a month of living together and driving together we began having spats, and really vicious arguments. All of our previous arguments where random and about absurdities. I felt these arguments where caused by an adjustment to living together. I began to feel like I couldn't trust her (the thought of the trip began to take it's toll). I am by nature a paranoid person but can mostly hold it in. She had started a new job since the move and wouldn't shut up about how great her boss was. He was single and I could tell he was into her (gifts, compliments, disliked me). She also bought a car This only added to my already increasing tension. We had worse arguments. I eventually grew to accuse her when she started to act stranger and stranger. Then about 1.5 years into our relationship I got injured. My back went out terribly. I had never had an injury with this severity before. I needed someone to help me even eat. My distrust of her prompted me to ask her if she'd be there for me. She told me she had been trying to be there and asking her just showed how I didn't trust her so she insisted on taking a "break". I didn't eat for a few days as no one could help whilst she watched during this "break". I gradually turned to alcohol as my only source of comfort while she was out every night with her friends. She even kicked me out when I was able to walk again saying that a night away from me would do us well (!). Anyway I healed and she invariably came back to me go figure. Mind you this wasn't the first time she contemplated breaking up with me, although in the past it had been a much more quick turn around time. I had already become an alcoholic though. I started drinking every night. I still loved her though because I felt like I had been a jerk and she had good reason to leave me. I have terrible mood swings and can be difficult to live with. All in all we tried again for a few months. Then one afternoon she said she would meet me at home for a night together. I left work early as we agreed and when I got home she wasn't there. I called her a few times to no avail. She did not answer. She then eventually got home after a couple hours and told me she had been out with her boss. This seemed like a big red flag to me so I accused her of cheating on me. We fought I left. I came back drunk as hell and we continued fighting. It lead to me breaking a lamp and then we she uttered those words. It's over. Whew that was as short as I could get it. Now I think the blame in breaking up is 60% my fault 40% hers.
Now 5 months have passed. I've quit drinking, smoking, I'm working my arse off, moving forwards in my career, have become a health nut, and I'm lifting weights. Sadly, I'm all alone, working too hard and I haven't dated but once. Then I'm working really hard one Saturday and low and behold she emails me to ask how I'm doing. I hadn't heard from her since the nasty break up mind you. Since that initial email we have sent a few emails back and forth. When I told her I was doing well and that she had inspired me to change she wrote back telling me that she is working out as well has her own house with a freaking pool and is "loving life" in bold letters. She also said she is single (pfft that is temporary). She keeps emailing me like every five days or so with some lighthearted banter. Today (which is why I'm writing this) she is going to a major music event with one of my favorite musicians and she wrote me saying "you're not going to believe this but...". I'm no simpleton. It seems like a pissing contest to me. When she did ask me how I was and I responded she was like well that's good (surprised I'm sure) and then was went on for like 5 paragraphs about how great she has it. I mean she gave me her health itinerary for pete's sake. Sad thing is I think I may still have feelings for her. Girl is bloody brilliant. In any case I can't fully grasp why she is contacting me like this. Understand I've been very polite saying "way to go!" and "you go girl" type statements. I want to be nice to her and at the least friendly. But it seems like she is effing with my head, as all women do to us simple men. I think I'm being too nice now and I'm moving towards the "girl-friend who's a guy" stage. I'm no punk. What do I do? I think I might want to try and get her back. I'm a challenge whore. What is in effect here? Is she purposefully attempting to torture me by saying look at what you don't have now? Is she trying to get a feel for me again? Does she want to feel better about herself? Does she want to verify that I don't hate her anymore. I've been as sly as "I" can be. I'm somewhat scarce. I don't email her right away (several days later) and I haven't said I want you back, nor I have expressed ANY interest in seeing her again. But today's email rocked me. This is the second time she contacts me on a Friday and she had responded to an email where I beautifully described how to not worry about aging with a "that's nice, guess where I'm going bub!". Any replies would be greatly appreciated.