Ask Me Help Desk - I'm in dire need of assitance. Ex emailed!

Ladies and Gents,

Ok here's the lowdown. I dated a girl for two years. We lived together and we had a great relationship for the first year. Then she went on a family trip with the women of her family a couple weeks after our one year anniversary. During that trip she met some guy who she spent all her time with and took loads of pictures with :( . Upon returning I could sense a disturbance in her and got it out of her that she "felt" something for him. She said she never cheated though (unverified, no evidence). I stayed with her because she insisted she loved me. Thus began the gradual deterioration of our once great "love". We moved in together into a nice house a couple months later (I know I'm foolish but love is blinding). She got into a big car accident and lost her vehicle. I had to drive her around for six months because of it. Our relationship grew in proximity, (i.e. families became intertwined, talking about kids, thinking of the future) but for some reason it wasn't "right". I was very much in love with her since I've never had more fun with anyone in my life but after a month of living together and driving together we began having spats, and really vicious arguments. All of our previous arguments where random and about absurdities. I felt these arguments where caused by an adjustment to living together. I began to feel like I couldn't trust her (the thought of the trip began to take it's toll). I am by nature a paranoid person but can mostly hold it in. She had started a new job since the move and wouldn't shut up about how great her boss was. He was single and I could tell he was into her (gifts, compliments, disliked me). She also bought a car This only added to my already increasing tension. We had worse arguments. I eventually grew to accuse her when she started to act stranger and stranger. Then about 1.5 years into our relationship I got injured. My back went out terribly. I had never had an injury with this severity before. I needed someone to help me even eat. My distrust of her prompted me to ask her if she'd be there for me. She told me she had been trying to be there and asking her just showed how I didn't trust her so she insisted on taking a "break". I didn't eat for a few days as no one could help whilst she watched during this "break". I gradually turned to alcohol as my only source of comfort while she was out every night with her friends. She even kicked me out when I was able to walk again saying that a night away from me would do us well (!). Anyway I healed and she invariably came back to me go figure. Mind you this wasn't the first time she contemplated breaking up with me, although in the past it had been a much more quick turn around time. I had already become an alcoholic though. I started drinking every night. I still loved her though because I felt like I had been a jerk and she had good reason to leave me. I have terrible mood swings and can be difficult to live with. All in all we tried again for a few months. Then one afternoon she said she would meet me at home for a night together. I left work early as we agreed and when I got home she wasn't there. I called her a few times to no avail. She did not answer. She then eventually got home after a couple hours and told me she had been out with her boss. This seemed like a big red flag to me so I accused her of cheating on me. We fought I left. I came back drunk as hell and we continued fighting. It lead to me breaking a lamp and then we she uttered those words. It's over. Whew that was as short as I could get it. Now I think the blame in breaking up is 60% my fault 40% hers.

Now 5 months have passed. I've quit drinking, smoking, I'm working my arse off, moving forwards in my career, have become a health nut, and I'm lifting weights. Sadly, I'm all alone, working too hard and I haven't dated but once. Then I'm working really hard one Saturday and low and behold she emails me to ask how I'm doing. I hadn't heard from her since the nasty break up mind you. Since that initial email we have sent a few emails back and forth. When I told her I was doing well and that she had inspired me to change she wrote back telling me that she is working out as well has her own house with a freaking pool and is "loving life" in bold letters. She also said she is single (pfft that is temporary). She keeps emailing me like every five days or so with some lighthearted banter. Today (which is why I'm writing this) she is going to a major music event with one of my favorite musicians and she wrote me saying "you're not going to believe this but...". I'm no simpleton. It seems like a pissing contest to me. When she did ask me how I was and I responded she was like well that's good (surprised I'm sure) and then was went on for like 5 paragraphs about how great she has it. I mean she gave me her health itinerary for pete's sake. Sad thing is I think I may still have feelings for her. Girl is bloody brilliant. In any case I can't fully grasp why she is contacting me like this. Understand I've been very polite saying "way to go!" and "you go girl" type statements. I want to be nice to her and at the least friendly. But it seems like she is effing with my head, as all women do to us simple men. I think I'm being too nice now and I'm moving towards the "girl-friend who's a guy" stage. I'm no punk. What do I do? I think I might want to try and get her back. I'm a challenge whore. What is in effect here? Is she purposefully attempting to torture me by saying look at what you don't have now? Is she trying to get a feel for me again? Does she want to feel better about herself? Does she want to verify that I don't hate her anymore. I've been as sly as "I" can be. I'm somewhat scarce. I don't email her right away (several days later) and I haven't said I want you back, nor I have expressed ANY interest in seeing her again. But today's email rocked me. This is the second time she contacts me on a Friday and she had responded to an email where I beautifully described how to not worry about aging with a "that's nice, guess where I'm going bub!". Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

You are still hurt and bitter. Tell her to stop emailing you.

From where I'm sitting she is trying to get the wrds out ov your mouth or words on paper, so shall we meet an go for a coffee, she wants to know if you still have feelings for her, that's why she wrote to u... showing her self in a new light so you think she is all she was when you first met, making you think the thoughts ov how much you loved her... don't fall for it mate, she will ask you eventually, an I hope you find the strenth to say NO

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are still hurt and bitter. Tell her to stop emailing you.

Homegirl I appreciate your comment. I'm not bitter, more like envious that she has it so well without me (My male ego is hurt). I also miss her. I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I'm alone all the time as well which is irritating because I have no buddy in this town to punch me in the arm and label me a head case. I may still be hurt but I think I am strong enough now, having conquered what I have, where I can forgive. I'm not bitter though. I think I deserved to be broken up with, and she may have saved my life, inadvertently.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chukieanbride

from where im sitting she is trying to get the wrds out ov your mouth or words on paper, so shall we meet an go for a coffee, she wants to know if u still have feelings for her, thats why she wrote to u..... showing her self in a new light so u think she is all she was when u first met, making u think the thoughts ov how much u loved her..... dont fall for it mate, she will ask u eventualy, an i hope u find the strenth to say NO

Why do you gather I should say no? Thanks for your comment.

Is it too long is that it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Ladies and Gents,

Ok here's the lowdown. I dated a girl for two years. We lived together and we had a great relationship for the first year. Then she went on a family trip with the women of her family a couple weeks after our one year anniversary. During that trip she met some guy who she spent all her time with and took loads of pictures with :( . Upon returning I could sense a disturbance in her and got it out of her that she "felt" something for him. She said she never cheated though (unverified, no evidence). I stayed with her because she insisted she loved me. Thus began the gradual deterioration of our once great "love". We moved in together into a nice house a couple months later (i know im foolish but love is blinding). She got into a big car accident and lost her vehicle. I had to drive her around for six months because of it. Our relationship grew in proximity, (i.e. families became intertwined, talking about kids, thinking of the future) but for some reason it wasn't "right". I was very much in love with her since I've never had more fun with anyone in my life but after a month of living together and driving together we began having spats, and really vicious arguments. All of our previous arguments where random and about absurdities. I felt these arguments where caused by an adjustment to living together. I began to feel like I couldn't trust her (the thought of the trip began to take it's toll). I am by nature a paranoid person but can mostly hold it in. She had started a new job since the move and wouldn't shut up about how great her boss was. He was single and I could tell he was into her (gifts, compliments, disliked me). She also bought a car This only added to my already increasing tension. We had worse arguments. I eventually grew to accuse her when she started to act stranger and stranger. Then about 1.5 years into our relationship I got injured. My back went out terribly. I had never had an injury with this severity before. I needed someone to help me even eat. My distrust of her prompted me to ask her if she'd be there for me. She told me she had been trying to be there and asking her just showed how I didn't trust her so she insisted on taking a "break". I didn't eat for a few days as no one could help whilst she watched during this "break". I gradually turned to alcohol as my only source of comfort while she was out every night with her friends. She even kicked me out when I was able to walk again saying that a night away from me would do us well (!). Anyways i healed and she invariably came back to me go figure. Mind you this wasn't the first time she contemplated breaking up with me, although in the past it had been a much quicker turn around time. I had already become an alcoholic though. I started drinking every night. I still loved her though because I felt like i had been a jerk and she had good reason to leave me. I have terrible mood swings and can be difficult to live with. All in all we tried again for a few months. Then one afternoon she said she would meet me at home for a night together. I left work early as we agreed and when I got home she wasn't there. I called her a few times to no avail. She did not answer. She then eventually got home after a couple hours and told me she had been out with her boss. This seemed like a big red flag to me so I accused her of cheating on me. we fought I left. I came back drunk as hell and we continued fighting. It lead to me breaking a lamp and then we she uttered those words. It's over. Whew that was as short as I could get it. Now I think the blame in breaking up is 60% my fault 40% hers.

Now 5 months have passed. I've quit drinking, smoking, I'm working my arse off, moving fowards in my career, have become a health nut, and I'm lifting weights. Sadly, I'm all alone, working too hard and I haven't dated but once. Then I'm working really hard one Saturday and low and behold she emails me to ask how i'm doing. I hadn't heard from her since the nasty break up mind you. Since that initial email we have sent a few emails back and forth. When I told her i was doing well and that she had inspired me to change she wrote back telling me that she is working out as well has her own house with a freaking pool and is "loving life" in bold letters. She also said she is single (pfft that is temporary). She keeps emailing me like every five days or so with some lighthearted banter. Today (which is why I'm writing this) she is going to a major music event with one of my favorite musicians and she wrote me saying "you're not going to believe this but...". I'm no simpleton. It seems like a pissing contest to me. When she did ask me how I was and I responded she was like well that's good (surprised I'm sure) and then was went on for like 5 paragraphs about how great she has it. I mean she gave me her health itinerary for pete's sake. Sad thing is I think I may still have feelings for her. Girl is bloody brilliant. In any case I can't fully grasp why she is contacting me like this. Understand I've been very polite saying "way to go!" and "you go girl" type statements. I want to be nice to her and at the least friendly. But it seems like she is effing with my head, as all women do to us simple men. I think I'm being too nice now and I'm moving towards the "girl-friend who's a guy" stage. I'm no punk. what do I do? I think I might want to try and get her back. I'm a challenge whore. What is in effect here? Is she purposefully attempting to torture me by saying look at what you don't have now? Is she trying to get a feel for me again? Does she want to feel better about herself? Does she want to verify that I don't hate her anymore. I've been as sly as "I" can be. I'm somewhat scarce. I don't email her right away (several days later) and I haven't said I want you back, nor I have expressed ANY interest in seeing her again. But today's email rocked me. this is the second time she contacts me on a Friday and she had responded to an email where I beautifully described how to not worry about aging with a "that's nice, guess where I'm going bub!". Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

"She then went on a family trip with the women of her family"

Rest assured the "women of her family" had been well informed about your relationship as well as the 1 year anniversary prior to "the trip." It sounds like you had every right to feel paranoid. You went through a lot but now your on your feet and moving ahead so don't gum it up, stay clear of her and the "women of her family." Besy wishes.

I think she likes you as a friend but senses you have self-confidence issues.

She is kind of right.

Look for a woman you can be yourself with... she is not that girl. If you could date her casually, she would probably do it, but as a life partners you all are not a good match. She thinks you are a bit insecure... But again, she does like you. But wants her freedom still. I cannot predict the future, but right now she is testing the waters but is not 100% sure... which is normal.

Ruling: Move on. And have her as a friend when you can handle it being finite.
Do not dream of long weekends in bed and long conversations by the pool, and
At cafes... Not now anyway. You too seem to make each other uneasy. Also, if you have a drinking issue, I would consider easing back on it. It makes you angry apparently.

Thanks you two for your comments,

Statictable, thanks for the kind words.

Ash123, I quit drinking that's not an issue anymore. In all actuality I'm looking for strictly casual dating. My responsibilities nowadays are way farther advanced than they were 7 months ago. I'm the lead on construction projects and the like. I can't fathom having a whole long weekend spent talking but would like a night here and there of casual dating. I've evolved into being highly independent. Why do you think I have self-confidence issues? I've actually been told I'm too arrogant at times. I'm working hard at changing that still.

Arrogance belies insecurity.

And well, you are insecure... It's OK. Everyone is to some degree. But yes, it's all over your posts. You have a lot of angst about your status vis a vis others. And you are NOT comfortable with what other men may do to your significant other. You do not feel - especially with your ex- on firm ground... Embrace that fact and be vulnerable but be yourself - and loves will be a lot richer with the right person. Perhaps your family life or your childhood left you feeling a bit unsure. Only you know.

If you do date her again, maybe you can show her this... just know that you two may not be a match made in heaven... but at the end of the day, it's your call.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

Arrogance belies insecurity.

And well, you are insecure....It's all over your posts. You have a lot of angst about your status vis a vis others......Embrace that fact and be vulnerable and modest and giving and your life and loves will be a lot richer. perhaps your family life or your childhood left you feeling a bit unsure. it's ok.

if you do date her again, maybe you can show her this....just know that you two may not be a match made in heaven....but at the end of the day, it's your call.

You make a good point about the arrogance bit. I am working on it. I have taken a life of volunteering and being nicer to people nowadays. It's what takes precedence. I realized I wasn't giving back and I was arrogant and damn near fickle. I wish it was my call. One thing is for sure, I value virtue more than alleviating loneliness so I won't do it the soft way this time. Cheers.

Relax. When you are yourself and like yourself, you can be with someone else.

A quest for perfection only exists in an insecure mind... a secure mind sees perfection every day... already.

Good luck!

Thanks. That statement has great depth. I appreciate it. The only question I have is what do I do now? Do I remain aloof and distant or do I become the bird of prey and attempt to get her back? I guess I'd like to at least see where it leads.

Well, you could tell her how you feel and get it over with.

Examples:
You want to go to dinner...
You want to get closure.
You can be friends one day when you are ready... etc.

Be vulnerable. If she shoots you down you are already 5 months in practice in being without her... clearly, moving on is not working...

BEWARE: if you two are not right for each other, you are wasting precious time if you try to date. And it will take time to start again... again, your call... that's the point of relationships. You can only do them yourself - that's what makes them so great - and scary. If she's still torturing you, stay back though. And start fresh elsewhere.

Darn it Ash, you and your logic. It makes too much sense. Telling her directly would be the easy way. I wouldn't say it wasn't working when I was alone, I was doing quite well for myself and I was getting close to stability, I had even accepted her loss and got rid of all her stuff and planned for my single future. Yet she contacted me and "flush" there it goes. Hmm what to do what to do. To be honest a rejection from her might be heart breaking. She did say that she was still mad at me but was trying to focus on the good points of our relationship in her second email. I think she needs more time. In any case this is really tough. I appreciate all your help.

Part 1 of 2

I read about half this and immediately saw the guilt trip the young tramp you call your ex was laying on you. I needed to read no more but you shall receive the full Chuffing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Ladies and Gents,

Ok here's the lowdown. I dated a girl for two years. We lived together and we had a great relationship for the first year. Then she went on a family trip with the women of her family a couple weeks after our one year anniversary. During that trip she met some guy who she spent all her time with and took loads of pictures with :( .

I think she did more then take pictures. My big clue is this was supposedly a family outing so why didn’t she spend it with them and not hanging out with this guy. It’s been said that when a woman feels attraction for a guy she will do anything to spend time with him even at the expense of her own family or friends that tell her otherwise, and we don’t even know if her family was telling her otherwise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Upon returning I could sense a disturbance in her and got it out of her that she "felt" something for him. She said she never cheated though (unverified, no evidence).

She emotionally cheated. Verified, admitted, and plenty of evidence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I stayed with her because she insisted she loved me.

I would put it like this. She may have but she knew at this point the relationship was over and began letting herself down naturally so that when the break up came she wouldn’t have to deal with the sting of the loss.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Thus began the gradual deterioration of our once great "love".

Or you could put it like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

We moved in together into a nice house a couple months later (i know im foolish but love is blinding).

You ain’t lying there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She got into a big car accident and lost her vehicle. I had to drive her around for six months because of it. Our relationship grew in proximity, (i.e. families became intertwined, talking about kids, thinking of the future)

Never trust what the families are saying. Hell she went on a family vacation and spent it …ah hem “taking photos” with some guy she admits to having feelings for but neglected to admit cheating with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

but for some reason it wasn't "right".

Because she had left. Women leave emotionally before they ever leave physically.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I was very much in love with her since I've never had more fun with anyone in my life but after a month of living together and driving together we began having spats, and really vicious arguments. All of our previous arguments where random and about absurdities. I felt these arguments where caused by an adjustment to living together. I began to feel like I couldn't trust her (the thought of the trip began to take it's toll).

Finally, you feelings got caught up with reality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I am by nature a paranoid person but can mostly hold it in.

You can’t hold your paranoia in against a woman’s emotional radar detector. They read, understand, and use emotions 100 times better then men, and they know if your paranoid and how you react in certain situations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She had started a new job since the move and wouldn't shut up about how great her boss was. He was single and I could tell he was into her (gifts, compliments, disliked me).

Let’s assume she wasn’t into him. She sure doesn’t come off as a great catch by not putting her foot down and demanding he stop with the gifts, compliments, and put downs. But she had no respect for herself, you, or the relationship so she never did. That says a lot about her character, not that I saw a lot to begin with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She also bought a car This only added to my already increasing tension. We had worse arguments. I eventually grew to accuse her when she started to act stranger and stranger. Then about 1.5 years into our relationship I got injured. My back went out terribly. I had never had an injury with this severity before. I needed someone to help me even eat. My distrust of her prompted me to ask her if she'd be there for me. She told me she had been trying to be there and asking her just showed how I didn't trust her so she insisted on taking a "break".

First of all reread that and tell me you can do a good job hiding your paranoia. I don’t buy it and I’m not even female.

Second, it sure says a lot about her character……….who we kidding she has none, but it says something about her that she won’t help you eat and picks the time you really can’t do anything to hit you up with that. She knew this was coming months ago but only when you down and out does she stick the knife in you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I didn't eat for a few days as no one could help whilst she watched during this "break". I gradually turned to alcohol as my only source of comfort while she was out every night with her friends.

She left you long before she left you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She even kicked me out when I was able to walk again saying that a night away from me would do us well (!).

Do you pay rent here? That’s your damn house too so if she wants to hook up with photo boy or her boss or some dude she met at the bar tell her to get a hotel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Anyways i healed and she invariably came back to me go figure. Mind you this wasn't the first time she contemplated breaking up with me, although in the past it had been a much quicker turn around time. I had already become an alcoholic though. I started drinking every night. I still loved her though because I felt like i had been a jerk and she had good reason to leave me.

Ahhh………….are we talking about the same bottom feeding skank who did everything else you describe in this very post? I’ll tell you exactly how good a manipulator she is. She’s got you thinking you were the jerk while she tells a guy that can’t feed himself to go to hell. Seriously, that’s emotional abuse and she’s the one giving it. Screw her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I have terrible mood swings and can be difficult to live with.

She’s such an angel herself.

Part 2 of 2

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

All in all we tried again for a few months. Then one afternoon she said she would meet me at home for a night together. I left work early as we agreed and when I got home she wasn't there. I called her a few times to no avail. She did not answer. She then eventually got home after a couple hours and told me she had been out with her boss. This seemed like a big red flag

Sounds like a big red flag to me too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

to me so I accused her of cheating on me. we fought I left. I came back drunk as hell and we continued fighting. It lead to me breaking a lamp and then we she uttered those words. It's over. Whew that was as short as I could get it. Now I think the blame in breaking up is 60% my fault 40% hers.

Again, are you dating several women or just the one your describing here? What am I missing? Are you perfect? Far from it. But for all you mood swings and reliance on alcohol I certainly don't question you love or loyalty to her, and I don't even trust her character as it relates to telling anybody the truth about anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Now 5 months have passed. I've quit drinking, smoking, I'm working my arse off, moving fowards in my career, have become a health nut, and I'm lifting weights. Sadly, I'm all alone, working too hard and I haven't dated but once. Then I'm working really hard one Saturday and low and behold she emails me to ask how i'm doing. I hadn't heard from her since the nasty break up mind you. Since that initial email we have sent a few emails back and forth. When I told her i was doing well and that she had inspired me to change she wrote back telling me that she is working out as well has her own house with a freaking pool and is "loving life" in bold letters.

.
Oh the emotional games continue. She's loving life so much that she started emailing you to rub it in. This woman is extremely cruel and she feels so low about herself that the only way she can build herself up is at the expense of others pain and misery most of the time which she guides them towards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She also said she is single (pfft that is temporary).

A. What does pfft mean?
B. She's single now huh. So the guy she left you for dropped her when he didn't want to put up with her stupid games. Interesting. But who would put up with her stupid games? Why the ex of course and she just happened to have his email address.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

She keeps emailing me like every five days or so with some lighthearted banter. Today (which is why I'm writing this) she is going to a major music event with one of my favorite musicians and she wrote me saying "you're not going to believe this but...". I'm no simpleton. It seems like a pissing contest to me. When she did ask me how I was and I responded she was like well that's good (surprised I'm sure) and then was went on for like 5 paragraphs about how great she has it.

As God is my witness, I read none of what you just wrote before I wrote what I wrote prior to this. She's a loser. She's a loser in every sense of the word. I see homeless people everyday who have more character and compassion then her. She's a user, a liar, and a cheat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I mean she gave me her health itinerary for pete's sake. Sad thing is I think I may still have feelings for her. Girl is bloody brilliant.

She's good but she ain't brilliant. Everybody sees right through her including you. That isn't brilliant, that's not even good, it's just average.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

In any case I can't fully grasp why she is contacting me like this.

It didn't work out with the other guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Understand I've been very polite saying "way to go!" and "you go girl" type statements.

That a boy. This is the best thing you could do besides ignore her. By showing support your only showing her she didn't hurt you as bad as she thought she did.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I want to be nice to her and at the least friendly.

No. No I really don't think you do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

But it seems like she is effing with my head,

She is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

as all women do to us simple men.

Amen to that brother. Men can't understand the emotional mind of a woman and when we act emotional to appease them we get killed every time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I think I'm being too nice now and I'm moving towards the "girl-friend who's a guy" stage. I'm no punk. what do I do?

Quit talking to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I think I might want to try and get her back.

No. No I don't think you do. Why would you want to be with a cheating skank who won't even feed you when you can't eat?

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I'm a challenge whore.

While I suppose that's better then being a whore that accepts gifts, compliments, and opening lets people insult there boyfriends. You know any whores like that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

What is in effect here? Is she purposefully attempting to torture me by saying look at what you don't have now?

Yes and on top of it she's trying to bring you back because she thinks you're the punk you say your not and she needs to replace the guy she left you for.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Is she trying to get a feel for me again?

As a temp.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Does she want to feel better about herself?

Yeah but you can't help her with that. Professional help is the way for her to go, and I'm not being sarcastic. She has a lot of mental and emotional problems.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Does she want to verify that I don't hate her anymore.

She could care less, well maybe not less then when she dumped you for her boss or whoever the other guy was at the very moment you couldn't even move. I'd say that was certainly a low point for her, but in her defense she does have a lot of low points to draw from.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I've been as sly as "I" can be. I'm somewhat scarce. I don't email her right away (several days later) and I haven't said I want you back, nor I have expressed ANY interest in seeing her again. But today's email rocked me. this is the second time she contacts me on a Friday and she had responded to an email where I beautifully described how to not worry about aging with a "that's nice, guess where I'm going bub!". Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

Why reply at all? This is a game to her so any reply plays into her game. That being said, here's a few I came up with at the top of my head,

A. I don't know but let me know so I can warn them your coming.
B. Not far enough.
C. Hopefully far.
D. Ignore her question all together and answer with something stupid like the year Utah became a state and the copy and past a bunch of information about Utah.
E. Wherever it is, will you be bothering me from there?
F. I don't know, but I eagerly await your answer as I just can't get enough information about where your going.
G. To get a new job where your pay will be based on your work performance not you performance.

I could do this all night but I'm really exhausted. I think you'll find it entertaining to come up with some your own and probably some that can hit a little harder then I can provide.

Here's the overall verdict. You've come to far to take steps backwards now. She's beneath you. She's beneath dirt. I think your remember the good times and perhaps feeling lonely and it's confusing your judgement but this is not the girl for you. This really isn't the girl for anybody that seeks loyalty, stability, honesty, or just some common decency.

Wow Chuff, many great insights. You've frightened me back into logic.

"While I suppose that's better then being a whore that accepts gifts, compliments, and opening lets people insult there boyfriends. You know any whores like that?"

I laughed at this statement, your wit alongside your logic have some potent healing power my good man. If I laughed that must mean somewhere inside of me something recognizes her bull. The other great statement was simple yet for some strange reason unrealized. Her family did see her with this guy and rather than telling her that she should pull back from him they did nothing. So now not only do I feel general lack of trust for her but for all the women in her family. Hmm, perhaps I did the right thing by guarding myself. I appreciate being chuffed.

I'm not going after her it's not worth the risk.

The PFFT is a lack of belief that she won't start dating anyone if I leave her alone for another 30 days. I didn't say this but we took a break when we initially started going out of a few months. We dated for three weeks and broke up for 2 months and she dated in that timespan. She had told me she loved me two weeks after dating me. I really am starting to piece it all back together on why I never came crawling back. I had the mental fortitude then to say well if you want it to be over then peace. I remember now why. Thanks Chuff.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Wow Chuff, many great insights.

Spread the word.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

You've frightened me back into logic.

Welcome back.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

"While I suppose that’s better then being a whore that accepts gifts, compliments, and opening lets people insult there boyfriends. You know any whores like that?"

I laughed at this statement, your wit alongside your logic have some potent healing power my good man.

You know upon second reading I too got a good laugh at that. Most important we both got a good laugh at her expense.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

If I laughed that must mean somewhere inside of me something recognizes her bull.

I don't think it's that far below the surface. I think you just need some back up from somebody with no emotional attachment to confirm it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

The other great statement was simple yet for some strange reason unrealized. Her family did see her with this guy and rather than telling her that she should pull back from him they did nothing. So now not only do I feel general lack of trust for her but for all the women in her family. Hmm, perhaps I did the right thing by guarding myself.

I'd say so, and I'd add to continue guarding yourself.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

I appreciate being chuffed.

Your never really the same afterwards. It's like entering a whole new dimension of greatness.

Well, you've been psychanalyzed... had your Ex's faults spot-lit... and had a chance to make a decision once and for all. Sounds like you made one. Now stick with it and with: your new life and growing self.

Peace and good luck.