Originally Posted by Synnen
Not to be the b1tch here, but there's another side to this story.
I came from a fairly close family--a HUGE family. I love my family a lot.
I am NOT, for many reason, willing to be close to them anymore.
Put your wife first--she NEEDS to be first in order for your marriage to work. Honestly, it sounds like she's pretty healthy to me. She has no problem with YOU going, as long as you're making her your number one priority (asking, not telling) in going.
She isn't trying to exclude the kids in any way--buying them gifts when you're that far away is one of the few ways you CAN be involved in their lives anyway.
While it may be partially about the wedding thing, I'm betting there's more to it than that. Are your sisters demanding of your wife the times you ARE together with them? Do they treat her as though, because she's new to the family, her opinions are second rate, or not as weighty as theirs, or someone else's in the family? The fact that your wife made an effort to reconcile and was rebuffed is probably playing a part in this as well--it's like your sister wants it on HER terms, not your wife's.
I think your wife is right in this. Giving in right now is stupid and pointless, and will make her the "weaker" party. Yes, life is short, and anything could happen tomorrow---but life is also LONG when you're dealing with family politics. A more neutral situation would be better for a reconciliation, really--a parent's birthday, a wedding of a non-immediate family member, a family reunion, whatever. Because this is your sister's event--your sister holds the power, and your wife giving in now would be saying that she is willing to put up with whatever crap your sisters throw at her.
Just a bit of my point of view from the convoluted family politics I deal with, and a bit of devil's advocate thrown in as well. By all means go see your family--but don't expect your wife to join you.