Ask Me Help Desk - Husband only wants sex once every 2-3 weeks

Hi I'm maddie. I've been married for 18 years. And have a good husband. His a loving father to our two teenage sons. And works hard to provide for his family. The problem is he only wants sex once every 2-3 weeks. Where I have a high sex drive. I have tried different things to spice things up with no luck. I was a virgin when we married and have never cheated on him. But I'm getting frustrated and am tempted. I have tried talking to him but he blames me. When we do have sex its OK.

Just remember sex isn't all about your relationship, its def the glue that holds it together and keeps you from just being roommates. Things can get stale, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. Usually the woman gets board first, specialy if you were a virgin when you got married. I know that in christianity it tells you that you should be a virgin till you get married, (im a christian), but doing that doesn't really work for most. Reason being is that you have no idea who you are sexualy compatible with till you have sex with them. This is a tough one, because everyone is different. I would probably bet there is more wrong than just sex. Not everyone has the life long marriage out of a story book or like a lot of our grandparents. I would have to say that they had their share of problems, but back then people just didn't talk about them like people do today. You should go to counsling, or figure out what else is going wrong. Hopefully he's not cheating, but if he is, I wouldn't automatically say go for devorce, I would try to work through it. Remember you have been together for 18 years. You have already outlived most relationships in this modern day. Im not saying you or him cheating is the answer but it might be what ends up bringing you back together or makes your decision if you should stay together. People say once a cheater always a cheater,(simply not true) sometimes it will only happen once and never again after realizing what they have might be gone for good. Don't run off and cheat now, but you should talk about what's going on in a non confrontational way, without blaming each other. Take this time to listen and learn without getting mad at each other. Yes some of what you hear will hurt your feelings, but is still needed to be heard. You can't fix a problem if you don't know what it is, just like a blind person can't lead you to safety. If you want to stay married, then its time to get to the bottom of the problem and try to go from there, before its not repairable."Please dont use this time to have the biggest fight ever but a time to learn".

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddie10

hi im maddie. ive been married for 18 years. and have a good husband. his a loving father to our two teenage sons. and works hard to provide for his family. the problem is he only wants sex once every 2-3 weeks. where i have a high sex drive. i have tried different things to spice things up with no luck. i was a virgin when we married and have never cheated on him. but im getting frustrated and am tempted. i have tried talking to him but he blames me. when we do have sex its ok.

Hi maddie

I know the score on this myself,however what I would say to be perfectly honest is if it continues this way and you are still frustrated then you will have to get extra away from home.
However if you do this please make sure you do not get emotiionally involved.

Your home and famil is number one priority, however you must fulfill your own growth and needs and if this means playing away then be so.

If you can't cope with the secrecy then please do not embark on the quest.

It may improve your sex life with your partner as you will transgress into subconcious thought patterns to your lover etc.

Finally remember it mus not interfere with your family life.

Cheers enjoy
Matt
Ps oh by the way always use a condom if you know the guy or not.

Have you thought of adopting a 17 year old male? Don't make this issue more than what it is and the idea of spicing things up after 18 years reminds me of a Peter Sellers Film. In the name of the gods get your husband into a M.D. for routine blood work.

I can relate! I don't however believe that going outside the marriage is the answer. As for my husband I know that he has added a few pounds and that bothers him, and during certain months of the year work is more stress full and during this time we hardley have sex at all. Maybe something similr is the case for you. I have my Victoria Secrets and the candles, we have taken over night trips, but some times I will admit I tend to my own needs. I have always had a higher drive than my DH, I was not a virgin before DH but he was my second and I can count the number of times on my one hand that I was with the previous partner. I have also put in a subscribtion for Playboy and we look through that together, DH likes that I am comfortable enough in my own skin to look at these unnatural beauties. I just really think that going outside of the marriage is not the answer at all.
Good Luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by statictable

In the name of the gods get your husband into a M.D. for routine blood work.

I agree that a trip to the doctor wouldn't hurt, though I think counseling might do more good.

But your tone-- "In the name of Gods"--makes it sound like a guy not wanting sex is outlandish. Is that what was meant? In my experience it's pretty common for men not to want it all the time. I know guys who have gone virtually without for years at a time (without cheating). My first husband didn't want sex any more often than every 2 or 3 weeks when he was 28 years old after we'd been together for just 3 years. I figured it could only get worse and it did. I finally gave up, for that and for a lot of other reasons (he didn't want kids either, he told me AFTER we go married). My second husband wanted kids but once we had them I had to ngeotiate for something like regular sex--he agreed to once a week, except when he forgot and scheduled a power breakfast over our "meeting." (And I didn't gain weight etc.) I've concluded that universal male studliness is more or less a myth. Why else the need for ever more exciting pornography to get some guys interested? I think some men just don't have that much interest and it's probably pretty normal, unfortunately for wives who happen to have more sex drive. Life doesn't always have easy answers.

Asking

Hi to everyone and I have agreement on all who have contributed to maddies problem with her partner.
However the overall problem with this area is in the vast majority of cases the male partner is stuck in their ways about his sexual activity.
Couples who get by this problem do so by being liberal outside the norms of society wants and directions.
Either both or one will have affairs outside the relationship. Sex in long term marriage has little to do with the couple being together unless you both are passionately overboard with each other i.e. as in day one.
Once a partner normally the male gets like this, porno material or sending him to a doctor is the last thing he wants, if he has his own mind which it sounds like he does he woud have suggested it. Confused or not.
Basically you can while away your life until you explode probably in front of the mail delivery guy or you can do something about it like half the world does who have healthy sexual imaginations and sexual disires.
Why do you think the high class escort agency is booming nice hotel fantastic woman and Men! Hot passionate sex where people connect, no tricks no commitment no strings then its back down to normality, where people go wrong is when they coppulate with no feeling during these sessions. If you connect good then the escort will reciprocate.
If you can have an affair no strings then its cheaper, but in the log run everybody pays.
Some couples i.e. the vast majority just won't let go and that includes having sex at least 3 times per week.
You can love your partner still as a soulmate but if the sex is down to a dwindle then you use it elsewhere or loose it for good.
I agree with the sentiment of normality, within sex in a healthy normal environment, however if we are true to ourselves this is never the case is it?
You try the doc if it don't work you doctor yourself if you can't have a marriage and an affair together, then we should not be really thinking about it in the first place... porter

[QUOTE=porter]Hi to everyone and I have agreement on all who have contributed to maddies problem with her partner.
However the overall problem with this area is in the vast majority of cases the male partner is stuck in their ways about his sexual activity.

I would have to agree but it works both ways. I was on the female side and didn't want anything to do with my hubby because there were several underlying issues that were the real cause of no intimacy. After 18 years we ended the relationship. His quote "you don't like sex so I got it elsewhere". DEVASTATING. Don't do it not worth the pain. Now I can say I love sex. I found the right partner he makes me feel wonderful. Check to see if there are underlying issues that are causing the problem. Then make a date without the kids, without other distractions, without friends, just you and your hubby. Like meeting at a hotel with candle light and a nice teddy or something provocative.

Talk to your husband not in a harsh way. Explain to him how you are feeling. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him. Suggest he go to the doctor and get a check up. Maybe you two can schedule a night for the two of you. A dinner and steamy movie and just relax and let it happen. But don't soil your marriage by cheating. You may get your thrill but the problem still remains.