My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. When we met I was 10 pounds lighter. I'm 5'5 and weigh 120 I used to weigh 110. No matter how much I diet it just won't come off. I work at a children's gym and am constantly burning calories. My boyfriend has issues with affection. He never shows any. He rarely wants to have sex but he always wants to hang out together because it doesn't feel right to not be around each other. I'm worried we've become such close friends that our relationship is suffering. My big problem is that this has torn my self-esteem apart. I feel fat and gross all the time and he knows it. I've told him that if he could just tell me that I'm overreacting and that he loves me just the way I am I would be fine. Instead he insists that I workout after work and eat healthier. (I count every calorie I eat and write it in a journal) He doesn't understand that I don't need him to help me lose the weight but tell me that I don't need to lose it at all. This constantly getting turned down, being told that I'm annoying when I try and kiss him, being told to workout, is making me stress out about my weight all day everyday and it consumes my thoughts entirely. He is my best friend and we've been together for so long... we were so passionate in the beginning of our relationship... He always tells me how sexy other women are but can't tell me that I am. DO I give up? Give up 4 years with him? I know he loves me and I know I love him. Are we just Best Friends? Do I need to suck it up and lose the 10 pounds?? WHAT DO I DO?

Look 120 isn't a lot. If he tells you you need to lose wieght he's a jerk!! The same thing happened with my sis. The exact situation. :mad: beak up with the jerk you don't need him!! He's rude!! You don't need that!! :(

5' 5" and 120 lbs is not over weight at all!
He sounds unappreciative and like he is taking you for granted.
You need to think of things to get him out of that rut.
It sounds like he is to the point he just wants you as a best friend.
Maybe next time he points out other women ask him, even tell him, something like if you want to be with her why don't you since you don't seem happy with me. But tell him if that IS his choice then don't come back to you as anything more than a best friend.

He is just being rude. Don't put up with it. Don't waste your time with someone who likes to put you down. Sounds like he is seriously taking you for granted. I'd tell him if he doesn't like what he sees, to go look and be else where. Don't ever take mistreatment, you're saying it's acceptable and it only gets worse.

You probably can't lose 10 lbs because there's not 10 lbs to lose.
At 5'5, the avg weight is approximately between 120 lbs and 150 lbs depending on frame size.
Your height and weight seem perfect.

The only weight you need to lose his him

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Originally Posted by Candide

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. When we met I was 10 pounds lighter. I'm 5'5 and weigh 120 i used to weigh 110. No matter how much i diet it just won't come off. I work at a childrens gym and am constantly burning calories. My boyfriend has issues with affection. He never shows any. He rarely wants to have sex but he always wants to hang out together because it doesn't feel right to not be around each other. I'm worried we've become such close friends that our relationship is suffering. My big problem is that this has torn my self-esteem apart. I feel fat and gross all the time and he knows it. I've told him that if he could just tell me that I'm overreacting and that he loves me just the way I am I would be fine. Instead he insists that I workout after work and eat healthier. (I count every calorie i eat and write it in a journal) He doesn't understand that I don't need him to help me lose the weight but tell me that I don't need to lose it at all. This constantly getting turned down, being told that i'm annoying when i try and kiss him, being told to workout, is making me stress out about my weight all day everyday and it consumes my thoughts entirely. He is my best friend and we've been together for so long...... we were so passionate in the beginning of our relationship....He always tells me how sexy other women are but can't tell me that I am. DO I give up? Give up 4 years with him? I know he loves me and I know I love him. Are we just Best Friends? Do I need to suck it up and lose the 10 pounds?!?!?! WHAT DO I DO?

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If he can't love you for who u are then lose him

Oh my gosh... he is aweful! You need to get out of there fast and find someone who sees and loves you are you are! That is horrible what he is doing to you... you self esteem and your body image (both of which can stay with you your whole life!)... not to mention telling you it's annoying when you kiss him? I don't mean to be mean but why is he even with you then... you can't kiss him and nothing you do is obvisouly good enough for him... I know if may feel like you are wating 4 years if you let him go... but if you stay with him you'll waste more time! He should be making you feel beautful and wanted! Trust me get out before it's too late!

This guy is making a mountain out of not even a molehill. 10 lbs.! I agree with the others, you are NOT overweight. You could obsess yourself right into an eating disorder if you keep the pace you have going. This guy is about the control he has over you and he knows exactly which buttons to push and he sure is doing that.

You are right - you need someone to affirm you are fine just the way you are. Because you are fine JUST the way you are. You are not at an unhealthy weight. What has your doctor told you? Have you seen a nutritionist? Do you go to a gym and have a certified fitness instructor there to help and encourage you? You already know who is the least encouraging and it is that boyfriend. Dump him and lose all the excess baggage. Then concentrate on just you. Be fabulous, awesome, extraordinaire, and stupendous! It is all in you, just got to come out. Take out that garbage hollering in your ear and bring out the best in you.

The very best to you!

Frankly I'd drop this jerk like a hot potato! He is mistreating you, bordering on abuse in fact and you shouldn't put up with it. What good is a "relationship" with someone who is constantly putting you down and won't have sex with you? Frankly I'd rather be alone. Then you'd have the chance to meet a decent guy who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

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Originally Posted by Candide

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. When we met I was 10 pounds lighter. I'm 5'5 and weigh 120 i used to weigh 110. No matter how much i diet it just won't come off. I work at a childrens gym and am constantly burning calories. My boyfriend has issues with affection. He never shows any. He rarely wants to have sex but he always wants to hang out together because it doesn't feel right to not be around each other. I'm worried we've become such close friends that our relationship is suffering. My big problem is that this has torn my self-esteem apart. I feel fat and gross all the time and he knows it. I've told him that if he could just tell me that I'm overreacting and that he loves me just the way I am I would be fine. Instead he insists that I workout after work and eat healthier. (I count every calorie i eat and write it in a journal) He doesn't understand that I don't need him to help me lose the weight but tell me that I don't need to lose it at all. This constantly getting turned down, being told that i'm annoying when i try and kiss him, being told to workout, is making me stress out about my weight all day everyday and it consumes my thoughts entirely. He is my best friend and we've been together for so long...... we were so passionate in the beginning of our relationship....He always tells me how sexy other women are but can't tell me that I am. DO I give up? Give up 4 years with him? I know he loves me and I know I love him. Are we just Best Friends? Do I need to suck it up and lose the 10 pounds?!?!?! WHAT DO I DO?

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Get rid of him!! How can you be overweight weighing only 120lb? That doesn't make any sense, he sounds selfish and arrogant, you can do so much better than that

Your boyfriend may think that he is being helpful. If you and complain about something, guys will try to 'fix' your problem. (See Dr.John Gray's Mars Venus books).
How can he love you when you don't even love yourself?
I work in the health field, and you are textbook 'skinny'. If he has the nerve to call you fat, or suggest you eat differently, you should have the nerve to stand up for yourself. You are a thin active girl who has serious self-image issues. You need to seek counseling, or professional help, in order to get your self-esteem issues under control. You will NOT be happy with him, or any other man you may meet, until you get your act together.

Best of luck! Have confidence, you can do it!

Break up with him.

You should know wayy better than this.

Being a woman and how far we've come and where we used to be you should've learned from that.

Men telling us what we could and couldn't should and shouldn't do

You are perfect the way you are and don't deserve sum low life who wants to bang other women and not you.

Truuust me 120 pounds is so not over weight.

Screw him and get a man who appreciates and don't hate

He is not brutally honest at all, he's being manipulative, abusive & ignorant. Added to the other descriptions of your relationship, there needs to be some serious changes on HIS side of the ledger or the only diet you need to go on is the "lose the bf & his ugly fat head" one.

If you don't take the steps to protect yourself now, yourself esteem will continue to get battered until you become anorexic, bulimic (or a combo) & think that there is even MORE wrong with you when in fact he needs a major reality check. And by the time you realize you should have gotten out ages ago, you will have wasted even more years of your life & be even more intertwined with someone that will not treat you better as time goes on.

Do you really want to have kids with someone that would be telling your D's that they need to starve themselves & exercise themselves to death over 10 lbs??

Stop being at his beck & call, stop asking him questions that give him an opening to be emotionally abusive to you & start loving yourself as much as you do someone that can't appreciate the great person (& good looking one) that you truly are. The sooner you do that, the better your life will get. Which it will not with him as long as he keeps acting the way he has been to you.

I'm sure he isn't the second coming of the messiah. None of us are. Love yourself. He's obviously pretty insecure about himself. Don't let him tear you down.

Sometimes when people do not want to be the one who "breaks up" the relationship they will do exactly this. They will stary treating the other person like crap or pick out something petty like 10 lbs. when he know you look great just to cause chaos. It isn't about the weight. You are way thin enough. I guarantee if you lost the weight he would find something else to pick at you for so why don't you beat him to the chase and tell him you are fine physically and he is driving you crazy. You need to leave him and a "best friend" WOULD NOT EVEN TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER AND HE IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT. Do not be sad, be glad that someone else has to deal with it and find someone who appreciates you for who you are.