Please help me!! My husband I started fighting about one month ago.. another argument about how he treats my daughter (no patience). This continued with me giving him the silent treatment (usually lasts about a week) I know that's immature but I always hope he will see how mad it makes me. Instead he gets mad and does a disappearing act where he will leave the house usually Sunday? At around 2pm and return home around 2 am. Most times he is drunk. This happened a week after our fight. I asked him where did he go.. he told me and something in my gut didn't feel right. I checked into his story and found out he lied. He asked me for one more chance and told me he lied because he didn't want to keep arguing. After his disappearing act I and lie I was very upset thinking the absolute worst senario.. like him being a woman's house. He lied about going to the races to be at his friends house?? So to make myself feel better I went on the computer and signed myself up for a dating site. Stupid I know but it temporarily made me feel wanted. He discovered this on the computer and snapped out of his mood and promised me he would become a better man to me and my daughter, he would quit drinking which he does a lot and hides it a lot. He asked me to stop the computer dating site which I did immediately. 3 days went by and things seemed back to normal.. while I was home for lunch from work I discovered he had signed himself up for a dating website and when I confronted him he actually had the nerve to lie that he didn't check out the profiles of girls that were sent to him. The computer history doesn't lie.. just him. He then lied again about drinking beer (I had counted the ones that were still in the house) he lied again about where they went. I stopped talking to him again because I couldn't believe that he would lie to me so soon. He hasn't tried to repair any of this damage, instead he comes home and sits around doing nothing because I'm so mad about his lying. We went to one counselling session and the counsellor said she couldn't help us she said I was too mad at him for throwing away the trust by disappearing for 12 hours and lying about it. On Sunday night after I spend a few days trying to avoid him.. he came home at 12:30 a.m and he was drunk. I kicked him out. Am I over reacting to him lying to me or continuing to do nothing to prove to me he will change his behavior? I feel completely betrayed, he is all talk and no action unless I sweep his lying under the carpet which is what he expects me to do. Thank you for reading this and PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!

I don't think your over reacting.. but you shouldn't get a divorce just because of this. I think you need to make him realize what he has and that he needs to be a better husband.. because trust is the most important thing. My husband lies a lot too.. and its about the STUPIDEST things... I'm guessing guys just lie to lie. There's no point or reason. So maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine... or show him what he will be missing if you ever left him. Or you could just slap him in the face and tell him to wake up and act like a man instead of a teenager.

If your husband has a drinkng problem and mistreats your child (I'm assumig she is not his child) I don't see any reason why you should stay with him. If he were mistreating my child, that would be enough for me. But it's your marriage. Have you tried counseling?

I don't think you overreacted. But you should confront him and tell him he has to talk to you. And if he just continues lying you should take time off and take your daughter. You can't just take this from him forever.

I really hope things work out for you and you have peace with your decision.

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I kicked him out.

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Keep it that way! Talk without actions mean nothing. He will get his stuff together, or must stay away from you and your daughter. That simple. You may need help getting through this separation, with counseling or family support, or both. Get it, and stay resolved to keeping him out of your life, until he has conquered his demons.

Threads merged


This is the second part to my posting... my husband is relentlessly trying to come back home.. he says he will do anything to make this marriage work... I don't believe him because he is always all talk and no action... my question is how does he earn my trust.. how do we go about fixing this? What should I expect from him?

If you choose to let him come back, this will prob. Be repeated... Counseling is good but I recommend counseling before him coming back home...

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Originally Posted by kamiller

this is the second part to my posting...my husband is relentlessly trying to come back home..he says he will do anything to make this marriage work...i don't beleive him because he is always all talk and no action...my question is how does he earn my trust..how do we go about fixing this? what should i expect from him?

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If he is all talk and no action, why would be considering it?
Tell him to get some help for his drinking problem and maybe you get some counseling, but I would not let him come back as things are now. And then there is the issue with the treatment of your daughter. I would only consider it after you guys have had some counseling.

Read my answer from your other post as my opinion hasn't changed, and neither has he. Work on your own safety and security, and let the bum get help for himself.

talaniman is right. Don't even revisit that place.

Last summer we separated because I was devastated to find my husbands lack of affection in the bedroom was because he was secretely (almost daily) on the internet viewing porn and taking care of his own needs. After a brief separation we decided to give marriage another try. Skip forward one year and the sex life still sucked (one a month) his behaviour towards me and my daughter was mean. I recognized the similar signs and decided to check the computer and sure enough he forgot to delete one porn site. I kicked him out. He did not apologize for this and actually said he was sick of me and my daughter, but then seemed very surprised that I would separate and move on. I can't believe after 7 years he would choose to ruin his marriage because of porn. The actual porn did't ruin the marriage, his lack of effort and lack of attention to me did. Did I do the right thing... because I feel so lonely without him here. It's been 2 weeks.

Sounds like he s addicted and needs therapy.you have your child to think of.you gave him a chance.I don't think he deserves another one.

Your husbands issues, have lead him to get kicked him to the curb, and its more than porn, that was the cause of his bad behavior.

You did the right thing for you, and your daughter, but its only natural to have regrets after doing what you had to.

Stay strong for you both, and it will take time, but will get better.