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I've been cutting myself for 4 yrs and I recently moved in w/ my boyfriend. And he knew about it before I moved in. how do I tell him I can't just stop. I've cut back substantially... but I can't just stop right now because he says so. I love him and I respect him but this is simply a coping mechanism for me
To stop cutting effectively you need therapy. Cutting (self-mutilation) is a sign and symptom of a deep rooted problem. It is also a significant factor in predisposing people to possible suicidal tendencies.
This is NOT a coping mechanism, as much as you like to think so (and I'm not trying to be mean here, just my psychiatry background coming out), it is due to very deep issues that you may not even be aware of.
You are very lucky that you have a boyfriend who cares so much. And I realize you cannot "just stop." It is unacceptable to believe someone can "just stop." They can't.
You need to face your demons, find out why you are cutting and learn REAL coping skills for the problem rather than hurting yourself and risking death. And, yes, you do risk death every time you cut, it doesn't matter where you cut, you are risking not only bleeding to death, but serious life threatening infection.
Please seek help from a professional therapist to undercover the cause for this behavior and how to overcome it.
I started therapy 2 weeks ago again. I was in therapy when I 1st started and diagnosed bipolar. They put me on meds which I stopped taking and I told my mom I was better so I stopped going. During the summer I tried to kill myself (I was drunk-never tried it before or again) I ended up in the ER w/ 8 stitches on a cut on my wrist. Ummmmm I only cut on my thighs so he;s the only one that can see. I cut this morning and I don't know what to tell him... when he sees it. He HATES psychiatry he doesn't believe in meds but I'm going to see a psych this thurs to try some new meds.
Good for you. Taking your health into your own hands. With Bipolar Disorder it is imperative that you stay on your medications. You know it is one of the diseases that most people quit taking their meds because the medication makes them feel better, so they think they are better, so they just quit taking it. This is not the case. You do not get better with this illness, it is treated for life.
It is due to a metabolic imbalance of chemicals, GABA and Serotonin, to name just two, are out of balance.
Look at it this way. If your boyfriend were an insulin dependent diabetic he would have to take insulin for life correct? Your disorder is different only in the chemicals that are imbalanced in your body. There is no shame involved with taking medication. People with High Blood Pressure take their meds every day, and so should you.
These meds stabilize your moods, this is why you feel like you are better after taking them for a while. Once these meds leave your system your moods become unstable again.
Another analogy for you...
Someone who takes high blood pressure medication keeps their blood pressure under control, when they stop taking them, they risk stroke, heart attack, kidney disease. Should they ever stop taking the meds? By you not taking your meds you risk unstable moods, cutting, danger to yourself or others, suicide, etc. Should you stop taking your meds? I didn't think so.
Last question. What do I tell him when he sees them? He goes crazy if he sees any.
That is really a hard question to answer, since I don't know you or him. I will tell you though that he has every right to be concerned. He goes crazy because he loves you. Understanding mental illness is hard for some people, especially men.
You can make a plan. Whenever you feel like cutting, is there someone you can call or something you can do to distract yourself?
Tell him you are sorry, that you are trying to stop, but it isn't as easy as he thinks. It's like an addiction and to stop you need to learn other methods of controlling your stress. He needs to know that it is important for him to be helpful and supportive, rather than going "crazy." Going crazy just adds to your stress and makes the feeling to cut stronger. Let him know that you did not CHOOSE this illness and if you had an illness to choose, this certainly wouldn't be it. Maybe take him with you to your next session.
If he can't be supportive and helpful then time to move on.
Remember, that mental illness is one disease that men tend to believe is not a real illness and that you can "just get over it" when you really can't. It is a real disease, just as heart disease is a real disease and there is help out there for you.
How to tell him? - write a letter it will be easier and he will be able to think about his response a bit before he speaks. Explain in the letter a negative response won't help matters. Also explain to him that just because you can't stop straight away doesn't mean you love him any less.Quote:
Originally Posted by csquared
Good Luck
Yes, sweetie, I do understand. More than you know, hence my intense psychiatry background.Quote:
csquared agrees: you understand
You will be fine. Just remember you will have bad days, but with the right help, the right medication, they will be fewer and farther between.
You can overcome this, I have faith in you.
You need to give him information so he can understand the complexity of it not being simply
An "if it feels good do it" thing that you can just quit. Get him to realize it is about deeper issues that you need to come to understand about yourself and why you do it and that you need to learn how to overcome it.
Look up on the search engines different sites that explain the psychological aspects of it and have your boyfriend read them. Maybe you can find stuff that will explain to him how to be more supportive in helping you quit.
Here's a site that might help him and you
Self-Injury - Why Do I Keep Cutting Myself?
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