I have been dating a guy since June 2006. We have had our ups and downs. I have broken up with him several times because he isn't always honest with me. The last time we broke up it was mutual because he said he wanted to date other people. He is almost 99% sure he wants to marry me (I am not really looking for marriage) but he wants to live his life as a single man. He has never been married and his last relationship ended badly (she was an alcoholic). He has also lost a lot of weight since that relationship (I met him after the weight loss) and I think he does not have a lot of dating experience and didn't have many girlfriends most of his life.

After this last breakup I told him not to contact me any more but he keeps sucking me back in. He bought tickets for us to a Van Halen concert before the breakup. About 4 days after the break up, he called me and told me there is no one else he would rather take to the concert than me. It was a long drive to the concert and he told me all this stuff how I had his heart and soul. We used to see each other everyday before the break up and since the concert we are not back together but the keeps calling me (not everyday) to do things with him. What makes it bad is he moved into the same apartments I live in last May to be closer to me. The days we do not see each other of course I will notice if his car is not there. Last night he was gone all night long. He called me this morning and asked me to come to dinner tonight. Should I go or tell him to f**k off for good?

To be honest, I think you should try to move on. You've only been dating 1.5 years and broken up several times... it doesn't sound like a good mix to me.

It almost sounds like he wants a friendship with you but not a relationship. Does that seem likely? If its not something you're after, make a clean break. He shouldn't be able to use guilt and then pour his heart out when he feels like pulling you in. If I were you, I'd decide if you want him then make it "all or none."

Good luck

Do you value yourself? Do you really want to be involved with someone who is dishonest and lies? Would you like to know someone who will be honest with you and truly love you?

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Originally Posted by babyblue60666

I have been dating a guy since June 2006. We have had our ups and downs. I have broken up with him several times because he isn't always honest with me. The last time we broke up it was mutual because he said he wanted to date other people. He is almost 99% sure he wants to marry me (I am not really looking for marriage) but he wants to live his life as a single man. He has never been married and his last relationship ended badly (she was an alcoholic). He has also lost a lot of weight since that relationship (I met him after the weight loss) and I think he does not have a lot of dating experience and didn't have many girlfriends most of his life.

After this last breakup I told him not to contact me any more but he keeps sucking me back in. He bought tickets for us to a Van Halen concert before the breakup. About 4 days after the break up, he called me and told me there is no one else he would rather take to the concert than me. It was a long drive to the concert and he told me all this stuff how I had his heart and soul. We used to see each other everyday before the break up and since the concert we are not back together but the keeps calling me (not everyday) to do things with him. What makes it bad is he moved into the same apartments I live in last May to be closer to me. The days we do not see each other of course I will notice if his car is not there. Last night he was gone all night long. He called me this morning and asked me to come to dinner tonight. Should I go or tell him to f**k off for good?

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Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

To be honest, I think you should try to move on. You've only been dating 1.5 years and broken up several times .... it doesn't sound like a good mix to me.

It almost sounds like he wants a friendship with you but not a relationship. Does that seem likely? If its not something you're after, make a clean break. He shouldn't be able to use guilt and then pour his heart out when he feels like pulling you in. If I were you, I'd decide if you want him then make it "all or none."

Good luck

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I have told him "all or none" I never call him... he calls me... I still care about him and we always had such a great time together... in a way I could almost go for a friendship but then again I want the "all."

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Originally Posted by savedsinner7

Do you value yourself? Do you really want to be involved with someone who is dishonest and lies? Would you like to know someone who will be honest with you and truly love you?

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I have never been with anyone who didn't lie!

There is one who will never lie to you, never lead you astray and will always love you.
I married a man who I thought would love me, and he abused me emotionally and verbally and physically. I realized that what I was really looking for could not be found in a man. I needed the love of a Savior to sustain me and make me feel worthwhile. Jesus doesn't lie, doesn't cheat and won't ever hurt you.

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Originally Posted by babyblue60666

I have never been with anyone who didn't lie!

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Originally Posted by babyblue60666

I have told him "all or none" I never call him...he calls me...I still care about him and we always had such a great time together....in a way I could almost go for a friendship but then again I want the "all."

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I can relate. Sometimes though, even a friendship is not possible. Now that he lives so close it will be hard to avoid him. He'll know you're home if you don't answer the phone...
It might be time to become more firm with him. Even if a friendship can develop, he's sort of toying with your emotions and making it a one-way-street.

However, its okay to want the "all." So if he isn't willing to give it, point blank tell him you care about him but you want a break from phone calls... everything. Sometimes you just have to look out for yourself... there is nothing wrong with that.
I think you might get a fresh perspective if you go out on a few dates with a new person who you can enjoy being with.

However, its okay to want the "all." So if he isn't willing to give it, point blank tell him you care about him but you want a break from phone calls... everything. Sometimes you just have to look out for yourself... there is nothing wrong with that.
I think you might get a fresh perspective if you go out on a few dates with a new person who you can enjoy being with.[/QUOTE]


I am sure I will get a fresh perspective if I start dating again but what do I do in the meantime... ;-(

I find it useful to stay busy. Spend time with other friends, family, etc. Go to the gym or coffee shop and meet new people. Do fun things that make you happy and help you keep your mind off him. Do things for YOU like movie night, spa day, etc. that give you that boost of confidence to get through the day and smile. :)

It'll get easier every day.

I have done several of those activities and it did make me feel better... but at night I really miss being close to someone (Not just sex) I miss the affection... we both loved affection from each other... he has always said he has no complaints about me... so why does he want to date other people?

Some people just don't have the urge to be committed to one person. Ever hear "Its not YOU, its ME?"

Not everyone wants a relationship, even if they care for one another.

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Originally Posted by babyblue60666

I have been dating a guy since June 2006. We have had our ups and downs. I have broken up with him several times because he isn't always honest with me. The last time we broke up it was mutual because he said he wanted to date other people. He is almost 99% sure he wants to marry me (I am not really looking for marriage) but he wants to live his life as a single man. He has never been married and his last relationship ended badly (she was an alcoholic). He has also lost a lot of weight since that relationship (I met him after the weight loss) and I think he does not have a lot of dating experience and didn't have many girlfriends most of his life.

After this last breakup I told him not to contact me any more but he keeps sucking me back in. He bought tickets for us to a Van Halen concert before the breakup. About 4 days after the break up, he called me and told me there is no one else he would rather take to the concert than me. It was a long drive to the concert and he told me all this stuff how I had his heart and soul. We used to see each other everyday before the break up and since the concert we are not back together but the keeps calling me (not everyday) to do things with him. What makes it bad is he moved into the same apartments I live in last May to be closer to me. The days we do not see each other of course I will notice if his car is not there. Last night he was gone all night long. He called me this morning and asked me to come to dinner tonight. Should I go or tell him to f**k off for good?

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You've allowed him back in your life by not saying no. Should you go to dinner with him? No! If you don't want to go out with him, don't do it. You start telling him no enough times, he'll get the message