Ask Me Help Desk - He's def getting married

Like I wrote a few months back about my "bf" getting married, the time has come. He is now getting married. I mean he is really breaking everything off with me and trying to move on with his life because his parents are really looking for someone for him. Just the night before we were together and everything was fine even though he gave me a heads up a few months back that we should end things because later on it will be harder but we never did that, we literally got more close and the last time we met it really was left out in the worst way possible. We were just together making out and what not and all of a sudden we start feeling up on each other and he comes on me. I had my pants on and underwear so most of it was on my hand which I wiped out and there was still drops of it on my pants which I cleaned with the napkin. I was so paranoid of being pregnant that I lost it right then and there and just started crying and yelling. He tried talking to me about it that he was sorry he did that and that I was being immature thinking I was pregnant over that when we never had sexual intercourse. Well I didn't stop crying and he couldn't take it so he left me and just walked away. I drove myself home all paranoid and when I came home to take a shower, I found some slimish-white thing down there that I washed out. I'm still paranoid that it was his sperm but my underwear had nothing on it so I don't even know if I can be pregnant like that? That's another thing that's stressing me out. My period is late it was supposed to come on sep 25 and now its oct 8 and it has yet to come and then me worrying about me being pregnant isn't helping me one bit. So the same night he comes online and he apologizes that he came on me and that there were no possibilities of my being pregnant. I was still mad about it the next day and he tells me how we need to stop everything because there's a girl his parents chose out for him that's in canada and he's going to go there to see her and that she saw his pic and she likes him to so there's a good chance she's the one for him and that there are other girls to just in case that they are looking for. (thats how they do it where he's from).

I am muslim to but my parents aren't looking for anyone for me I am 20 and he's 23 and that me and him kind of have a different caste like we are muslim but different kinds and that his parents won't accept me and the idea of me converting just makes me feel weird because its like I'm leaving my parents my family for his, something that I'm not even accustomed with. Even so its too late to think about marriage with him a lot of stuff happened between me and him I ended up calling his house because he mad me mad and I spoke to his mother and the mother thinks me and him stopped talking a long time ago anyway. That's another reason why I can't marry him. Now he just doesn't talk to me right and tells me that I'm still into him and that I will make his life hell when he actually does get married by calling his house and what not. I honestly do not want that and I will not do that because it just isn't right. At the same time right now I'm trying to get his attention by texting him saying oh I want to see you no matter what you can't be this rude to me and what not. I just have all these feelings inside me that I can not let go THIS easily and he tells me he's strong because he has to be and that he had it in him that this will happen one day. He's being strong about it but I find myself fallling apart what in the world should I do? Also can I be pregnant? We got close on Friday and it is now Monday, after how long do pregnancy symptoms show up? I'm just so paranoid about that because what if I am pregnant and he gets married off to someone else? That would be a killer.

I can relate to you in many ways. My dad's side of the family is Jewish and they disowned him after he got together with my mom. My Jewish grandma never even recognized me as her granddaughter for not being a full orthodox Jew. I actually never see her, unless at a funeral, a wedding, and she hardly looks at me.

I have said this before in your other post: I think if you two love each other enough, you will be together. If you don't end up together, be sure that it is not your religion that should be blamed, but it's either your cultural choice or you two prioritizing your parents beliefs over your own. For if you notice, in history, most religions did not even allow women to go to school...but today they do. Now was this really God or just culture forcing this? And today, many Muslims marry non-muslims, or many catholics take birth control, even though historically their religions prohibit both.

So, you and your boyfriend can be true to what you believe in, and choose the more modern traditions in your religion, which do not involve getting arranged marriages. Explain this to your boyfriend and show him the many examples of countries with your religion that do not follow this practice. You should also try and rationalize with the parents that keep you two apart. My friend from work is from Sudan and she's Muslim, and it's not culture in their country to have arranged marriages. My Lebanese friend said arranged marriages were something mostly unheard of in her country. Many Muslims in America do not have arranged marriages either. Maybe you can talk about this to the parents involved and educate them on other Muslim traditions. But be prepared that your parents might not see the light, as my father's Jewish mother never did, and does not even see me as a grandchild. Though, remember, "love is always something worth fighting for".

I think your boyfriend may be making excuses, or perhaps he's not mature enough for your love? You two need to see if this is worth fighting for.

Also, yes you could be pregnant. Go to a doctor and check this out. My aunt is fairly religious and believed it's wrong to have sex before marriage too. She had oral sex like you and indeed ended up pregnant and my grandmother forced her to get married at age 19 to a man who was (I think around) 25 years her sernior!

Calm down, and get to a hospital so you can know if you are pregnant as soon as possible. It's best you know if you are pregnant or not so you can better decide what to do from there! The only thing you need to focus on right now is to know if you are pregnant.

I hope you get through this, and I know how stressful your situation is. It runs through my family history.

How did I have oral sex?

I did not use my mouth at all or anything it was only touching and feeling up on each other. How is that oral sex? I had all my clothes on, my underwear and pants as well. You just made me more paranoid but I know I did not have oral sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lytesparkle87

i did not use my mouth at all or anything it was only touching and feeling up on each other. how is that oral sex? i had all my clothes on, my underwear and pants as well. u just made me more paranoid but i know i did not have oral sex.

Sorry I meant dry humping.

Did anything go on your vagina (like did anything seep through your underwear)? Because then there is the possibility of you getting pregnant without having sex. My aunt is jewish and couldn't have sex until marriage either, and that's what happened to her. She never had sex and got pregnant. (Well she has 4 kids now so of course she had sex after that).

When I came home and took a shower, there was nothing ON my underwear because like I said most of his come was on my hands so I washed that off with water right away but when I was cleaning myself down there, I saw some white slimish thing lingering around and I washed it away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lytesparkle87

when i came home and took a shower, there was nothing ON my underwear because like i said most of his come was on my hands so i washed that off with water right away but when i was cleaning myself down there, i saw some white slimish thing lingering around and i washed it away.

You can never be too sure. Go to the hospital and see if you're pregnant just to be safe. You said your period is over 12 days late? You should just check in case some sperm did make it's way into the vagina. This is very very very rare, but find out sooner rather than later if this has happened.