I'm 37 and adopted and I have stuggled my whole life with being adopted I was put in an abusive adoptive home which made me feel even more unloved than before I mean my birthmom gave me up and then I was put in this abusive home I have had the crap beaten out of me sense I was a child my adoptive mother use to throw me down the stairs it was awful they would say I was bad just so I could get a beaten it was awful I have never felt loved by anybody nobody believed I was being abused this was awful I had to run away from the abuse because no one would help me I am very poor now because I had to get away from the abuse and no help from anybody how do I get past this abuse and find love maybe I can't find love but I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved don't say please seek a counsler I don't have any money do you have anyadvice for this probleml

Allright lets take it here. So you are now 37. How old were you when you were adopted? You say nobody believed you were being abused, but who did you report it to? You say you ran away? At what age?

I *am* going to tell you to see a counselor.

If you contact your local Lutheran Social Services (for sure this agency, I'm not sure about any others, but I wouldn't be surprised if they have contingincies in place as well) and let them know your situation, they will put you in contact with a counselor specializing in adoption at no cost or on a sliding scale fee.

There is help for you if you want it, but you have to want it.

Check with your local state or county.
You can get counseling even if you don't have any money.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

You are already loved sweetie.

Now that you are no longer a child it's up to you to get the help you need.
You have begun to help yourself simply by posting here and asking for help.
Keep on the path of trying to overcome your past. You will!

Please say these words to youself: "I am loved!"

Hope you get what you need.

I was adopted an in a similar situation as u, though I was not beaten to the extreme you was, I did get a few punches every now an then but most ov it was verbal abuse. I did the same, ran away from it, I acherly ran away with an older man, old enough to be my dad, it was the first kind ov love I ever received, but I now know that weren't love... it was sick. But now I'm 24 an moving on, I have a beautiful daughter and to give real love an receive real love from her is amazin, I'm sure one day you will find love. I also have the man ov my dreams, I'm happy. Just remember, I once felt like you do now, but the is light at the end ov the tunnel, you just have to open your eyes, past is in the past, look to the future...

I'm sorry.

I was adopted too. I never met my birthparents. I was abused too. Maybe you can read the thing I posted today and help me too? I've been seeing a therepist. That might help you.. I know you said don't say that, but it's the best thing for you. I'm still struggling but it has helped. Maybe you can join one of those groups who gives money to the helpless? That way you could have money to get a counsler.

Most counties in the US, have counseling available based on income, also many things is a matter of priority, budget get rid of internet, car pool, eat mac and cheese,
Also talk with the pastor or religious leader of your choice

You are not going to like what you read so you have the option of not reading it. If you say you are 37 years old, then it makes me wonder why you are still in the "poor me" mentality mode. You have had ample time in your life to do something with it and bring respect to yourself. I say this becoz I was in a similar situation to you. My parents "sold" me to an orphanage when I was 2 years old... for less than $5... they needed money to pay the rent! I am now 35 years old and I have never seen them since. Yes I was beaten, yes I was verbally and physically abused, yes I was nearly sold for prostitution, and nearly raped, but do you know what I got out of all that - resilience and self love. Till today I cannot stand anyone feeling sorry for me, so much so I do not tell anyone that I have been adopted. When they do find out (usually a few years into the friendship) they cannot believe how well adjusted I am. I would like it for you to try to change this attitude you have that the world owes you something becoz you were orphaned. No it doesn't, but you owe yourself something - i.e. self respect. So just pick yourself up and go find or build the home you've always wanted but never got. Sorry for the harsh words, but I think you need to be shocked into action.

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Originally Posted by exotic pet

im 37 and and adopted and I have stuggled my whole life with being adopted I was put in an abusive adoptive home which made me feel even more unloved than before I mean my birthmom gave me up and then I was put in this abusive home I have had the crap beaten out of me sense I was a child my adoptive mother use to throw me down the stairs it was awful they would say I was bad just so i could get a beaten it was awful I have never felt loved by anybody nobody believed I was being abused this was awful I had to run away from the abuse because no one would help me I am very poor now because I had to get away from the abuse and no help from anybody how do I get past this abuse and find love maybe I can't find love but I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved dont say please seek a counsler I dont have any money do you have anyadvice for this probleml

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If you live in the USA you simply dial 911 and report the abuse. A social worker will interview you and the parents. When indicated you would be removed and placed in foster care to hopfully give you a safe place to live. Adoption is then an option. If your over 18 the above won't work because your on your own. If you are on your own and feel that a clear injustice was delivered un-2-u then as a child then you might consider a visit with a attorney to discuss same. Their advice will be very valuable. If no $s for a attorney then contact your local children's protective agency or the State's Department of Health and Human Services. Good luck

Darling, consider yourself a special breed. See, I too was adopted and abused. Sometimes we wonder why we were even born, but, I don't know about you, but, I have three kids of my own, all of which I am raising on my own and I would never bestow the pains of life that were laid upon me. But, this isn't about me right now; let's focus on you. Believe me; I have been through much counseling. IT DOES NOT SOOTHE THE PAIN. It will always be hard to accept the fact that your own mother didn't want you. But, at some point and time we must appriciate the fact that we exist. I don't like discussing private things in public places. If you wish, we can exchange info to be private. Believe me, I feel your pain.

Closure 1; Thank you for your note and yes 37 is her age. My answer exceeded her question in that I anticipated others younger and older might click on her post. So many kids out there in abusive homes with no thought of calling 911 or reporting the abuse to a teacher or neighbor. Thanks again and good luck.

Apparently the OP here just wants to whine and not really get help since they have not responded to the great help they were given. I suggest further responses may be a waste of time.

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Originally Posted by exotic pet

im 37 and and adopted and I have stuggled my whole life with being adopted I was put in an abusive adoptive home which made me feel even more unloved than before I mean my birthmom gave me up and then I was put in this abusive home I have had the crap beaten out of me sense I was a child my adoptive mother use to throw me down the stairs it was awful they would say I was bad just so i could get a beaten it was awful I have never felt loved by anybody nobody believed I was being abused this was awful I had to run away from the abuse because no one would help me I am very poor now because I had to get away from the abuse and no help from anybody how do I get past this abuse and find love maybe I can't find love but I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved dont say please seek a counsler I dont have any money do you have anyadvice for this probleml

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I have a sister out there somewhere she's 38 this year, I found out when I was in grade 4 and I have been trying ever since to find her.. its really tough to find someone when your only 18 years old, but I have been looking for like 9 years never give up hope because I think I might have found my answer unless someone is messin with me. But were all out there you never know right

That's so sad... though I wasn't adopted, I did have a pretty bad first 12 yrs of my life... I had no friends, burnt my feet with hot water when I was 2, fell down the stairs and bumped my head on the concrete... I could go on forever...

But I realised that although people can hate you, they can do mean things to you, life can play all sorts of tricks on you.. But there's someone(or something) out there that loves you, cares about you and would never ever leave you...

If you want to know more about this, come talk to me!! Or if you would just like someone to talk to other than a counsler, I will be there for you...

I'm not sure if you are going to hate me or what for this, but I want to leave you with a Bible verse that always comforts me when I feel down..


"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him may not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16, NIV)

You know... the thing that drives me crazy about this whole idea is that somehow adopted kids who didn't have happy adoption stories somehow blame their birthparents--rather than blaming the court and state for not doing a good screening before they were placed, or CPS for not taking them seriously when abuse was reported--or the adoptive parents for doing the abusing!

EVERYONE has the chance for a horrible childhood, whether you are in foster care, with your biological parents, with another family member, with adoptive parents - the list goes on and on!

Bottom line is this: In most cases, the birthparents cared about what happened to their child, and made the best choice they could for both their child and themselves. In some cases, birthparents were coerced into choosing adoption, especially pre-open-adoption. In ALL closed adoptions, the birthparents had NO idea who their child was going to--only that the state supposedly screened all perspective adoptive parents.

I know a woman who is about 35 whose biological parents treated her like a slave, beating her, abusing her verbally and mentally, forcing her to leave their home when she became pregnant at 16.

The very idea that adoption is to blame for the OP's abuse is ludicrous. The adoptive parents are to blame, surely, but adoption as an institution is not.

I'm closing this question since it seems the OP doesn't really want advice. If the OP wants to reopen they can PM me.

{Question Closed}