Hi, Im 25 with a son, and I have been with his father for 5 yrs now. I have never reached an orgasm with him, and have been faking it this whole time. I try not to but I don't want him to feel like he's not good, I feel terrible about it!! I mean he works so hard at it, I don't want him to think he can't please me, when he really cant. He turns me on all the time, And sex feels soooo good, but no matter what it just seems like my brain won't let me finish with him. The thing is though I can get off with my toys, and I can make myself finish without toys, so why can't he do it? He doesn't know about my toys, because he is not really into that and I think he would think Im weird that I use them if I have him. So I don't tell him, because I have to get off somehow. It just seems like Im living a lie, and its been so long that I couldn't possibly tell him now Ive faked it for 5 yrs, that would kill him. He wants to get married but This issue is in the back of my mind, and I mean do I really want to be with a man who can't satisfy me, and its not even his fault. The sex is great I just think Im so used to my toys and pleasing myself, that somehow my subconscience is holding me back with him. Not any man that Ive been with could satisfy me, so I know its not him, its me. Could It be Im self conscience as well? I mean Im not 100% happy about my body. There's all these things going on in my head and I just want him to please me all the way. There was this 1 time only where he almost had me there orally but my sister came home and she ruined it for me, because I didn't want her to hear me. Im confused, any advise would help... :confused:

Hello there franniepoo!

I think this is more common than you think, having had many chats with girlfriends I know of others with the same situation!

It must be frustrating for you if he does turn you on and you enjoy the sex!

All I can suggest is try and do everything possible to help you relax, massages, candlelight, soft music - OR whatever works for you! I'm sure you have tried it before...

I guess persistence is the key? Good luck!

Have him do more oral and see how that goes. If not I think you better talk to him about it and start considering using toys too.

For you, if toys get you off, pretend he is using a toy. Trick your mind.

You evidently know what buttons to push. Tell him what they are. i.e. direct him during the performance.

I think you need to let him know. Let him use one of your toys on you and then have sex with you - I've known this to work for some girls that have had this problem before. The toy will get them off and then the man inside them afterwards can add to that and they can get a second one in. Try it and if it works then slowly, gradually, try to wean yourself off toys and maybe he may be able to satisfy you soon...

oh man, you need to tell a few small lies and then he can accept the truth:

OK, bring out a "little helper"...

If you make it about HIM... he should be OK.
Tell him he rocks your world (small lie)
And you want to do something for both of you (small lie)
That you can both share - a new orgasm he can watch or share...
And you love him so much that he is the only man you would ever try new this "new" thing (small lie)
With and you are so excited...
The Good news is you CAN orgasm...

Now he needs to share in it with you... Eventually HE can use on you... and you know, it can work on him too... :-)

Enjoy

Also, you all sound so busy you never got to relax and get to know your
Body - this should be a part of this process too... share love. Share a weekend.

You asked for advise so here goes. I am going to reply from my life experience.
I was living your lifestyle up until I was 19. Had many boyfriend's and a brief
Finance. I also enjoyed all of the aspects of being with a man but was missing
The one main thing that I need and also wandered what was wrong with me.
I also retreated to toy's to fulfill my need of orgasms. I found out what was missing
For me was that my pleasure was found with being with a woman. When I became curious
Of the other sex I was still with my finance and could not get pass the guilt of
Being with a woman and cheating on him. Here is how I pursued the curiosity of the other
Sex. I suggested to him that we should have a three way with a woman. This way I still
Had the comfort of him by my side but was able to fulfill my sexual curiosity.
Needless to say for me this adventure changed my life and helped me realize
That for me what was missing was being with a woman. For me this is my life
Experience and felt compelled to share it with you. I hope you do not find this
Advise offensive, you asked for it and I hope you can take it in stride.

Well, from a man's point of view I'd like to add my two cents also. In my youth I was in a position that lent me much more attractiveness to ladies. And in my youthfull indiscretion I took advantage of it without remorse. Point is I met a few women along the way in the same position as you who were completely honest with me about it, and I'm sure I met a few who did their best to not let me know about it. I learned a whole lot through some very uninhibited partners and can honestly tell you that you and your boyfriend can enjoy using your toys and other new techniques together. It's not a bomb you just drop on him all at once though, you will have to ease him into it a bit because you are afraid of scaring him or whatever. I understand that. But if he loves you as much as I'm sure he does, he'll feel all the better to make you happy however he can, just honestly knowing that he can make you happy in bed, and then you can make him happy. Sometimes it works out that a higher comfort level is reached between you after you get past this hurdle and it's not a problem anymore. I really have one question I'd like to ask though. Have you ever orgasmed in front of any man with your toys or has it always been in your privacy?