Hello everybody!
I hope you can assist me on my dilema!
I have been with my girlfriend for seven years, we met when she was 16 and have been together since then, after high school she attended university for 4 years and gained her degree last year. She started Job hunting in January and found a job,where she has been working since February.

I bought a house this year and we moved in together in March,and things seemed exciting and great with our lives starting together in our new home.

We have always loved each other very much (7 years is a long time!),and respected each other,allowing each other time to go out and socialise with friends,like "girls nights" for example,and I have always made a point of not being possesive over her.

Over the llast couple of months though, she has been attending after work parties and going out with her colleages for drinks,etc at least once a week.

A month ago a relative fell very ill and has been in intensive care at hospital ever since,obviously straining family emotions and causing much heartache for her and the family. I get on extremely well with her family,and her parents refer to me as their "other son".

Anyway to the point,last Sunday, after we spend the weekend together, she told me she is "going to drop a bomb!"

I have been reading all the related threads on this forum,and they have been very informative and interesting in their content,with the obvious advise being to give her the break she wants.So I have found it extremely difficult,but I have not contacted her,or been contacted by her for a week now.

She told me that she feels that our relationship has lost its spark and passion,and that she has a great time with me and is happy when she is with me,but can't help feeling that something is wrong.She told me that she has never been "single" and can't stop wondering what is out there and if she is missing something.She mentioned that she feels pressured by always having to think of another person and wants to experience a sense of freedom in her life.

To try and wrap up a long discussion, the good things are she says she still loves me,she doesn't want to lose me from her life and can't imagine me being with anybody else but her,and that she would be heartbroken if we broke up. But on the bad side for me,she says she wants a month break of no contact between us to sort out her head and feelings,and suggested I live a batchelor month but don't hook up with anybody else during that time.She said that she has all this new independence in her life with work and things,and although she has a good time when we are together,she has a feeling of uneasyness which she can't shake.

But here is the clincher,when I asked her if she was going to take all her belongings with her from my house when she left for this "break" ,she said no,because it was "just so final" and she said but what if she wants to come back home!!

So anyway,here I stand,she is back at her parents house and we have been on this "break" for a week now-which has been terribly difficult for me,but I have followed the advise you guys posted and I haven't contacted her in any way ,like she asked for.I have been keeping as busy as possible during the week to try and keep my mind off this,but what do you guys think is going on here?? I am living without her but she has left all her things in my house-this is driving me crazy,what are her motives and should I carry on with this break as she asked-it is driving me crazy with these mixed signals of hers!! Please advise what I should do??

Keep doing what your doing. Let her have time to realize she can't live without you :). You're right, 7 years is a really long time. I think if you two make it through this you really need to get the girl a ring! I mean come on.. you're not getting any younger. I think if you make it through this, some commitment would be really nice. If everything works out after the break, prove to her you want to take the next step in the relationship. It shouldn't be that hard if you love her like you say you do :).

What she's doing is NORMAL... C'mon 7 years... the "7-year itch...."
I would say - leave her be. People always come back at least once.
just be patient... your value rises if you do nothing...

check the how to survive guide in my signature as well.
you are in an OK spot right now if you focus on OTHER things...

From the age of 16? She deserves to see what else is out there, and so do you. Believe me, you don't want to make something permanent with a person who has experienced so little. If you got married, someone would end up cheating.

Let her go. Make her come and take her belongings, and don't let her keep you waiting in the wings like some kind of fall back, which is exactly what she is doing.

Dear lord, man. There are so many wonderful people out there. If you wind up being one of those couples who turn a high school relationship into a lifetime relationship (so, so rare), then it will happen down the line. But don't hang on to it.

Live, man, live!

Thank you for the advice guys! Its been eleven days of no contact at all now,I would have expected some response from her side by now,but I guess I was wrong about that.I am keeping as busy as possible at the moment and am totally committed to not contacting her at all,although this is very tough sometimes! My biggest concern is that she left all of her belonings at my house when she left.And I don't know how to read that move-although I would understand the "keeping me as a backup plan theory", I just don't know what is the right thing to do,In a way I am glad that she left her stuff at the house (it gives me hope that this may just be a "break",and nothing more. However,the longer this goes on,the more frustrated I am getting with her stuff being all around me,because if this is a breakup on her side and she has not just got around to telling me yet,it is very cruel of her to leave all her stuff around for me to see all the time... which makes me miss her so much more than an empty house would. The problem is I have promised the whole N.C. thing to her and if I was to phone her and tell her to fetch her stuff,I would be breaking our agreement! What do you guys think is the best approach here?

Because irt has been 7 years. It can be the ol itch factor-or-she wants a commitment. After all it has been 7 years

She wants you to buy the cow, and stop getting free milk. What does she have to show for her 7 years? More importantly what does she want for her future? Kids, security and a happy family. She was very specific on her timetable, and you have agreed. If the next thing from you is not a solid firm commitment, you don't have to worry about her moving her furniture, as I dounbt she wastes anymore time on you. If I were you a proposal is in order. ASAP!! Not to have talked about marriage after 7 years is insulting on your part. Has this been talked about??

Dude, put all her stuff neatly in a box and put it in the garage, attic, closet etc...

Its only been 11 days... she may need up to 90 to get some perspective... and you too!

My guess is this relationship was not all perfect and you can take some time to think about that too...

Hang in there

I hear you guys! I will pack her things up,because seeing them all around me all the time and not her is tremendously difficult to handle. I know the low down on the "7 year itch" and it would fit. We have discussed marriage often though over the last year or so.In fact she gave me a card of the exact ring she wanted me to get for her! And it is not a case of no commitment,we always agreed on how the future should go.

Based on this, a worry for me based on part of her reasons for the break was that she has never been single, and would not want to end up thinking "but what if" somewhere in the future. She said that the idea of marriage scares the hell out of her,and she doesn't even have a ring on her finger yet! She said she has always had to think of "another" and wants a chance to be selfish and only think about herself! She also added that she feels that if we carried on the way we were,she would get bored,and that it felt like we were just friends and not in a relationship!
Man it is so hard to work out what is going on with her,when I think of some of the things she said,it sounds like she wants to run out the door and never look back,but at the same time,other things she said signalled that she just needs time and may well come back home... and this unwillingness to take her belongings with her is a real curveball!

It is so tough ,and I can't even ask her what's going on with this whole N.C. thing we agreed to!

What would you guys think or do?

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Keep doing what your doing. Let her have time to realize she can't live without you :). You're right, 7 years is a really long time.

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This is right. In fact, I'd ask her to come and remove her personal belongings from the house now. If she won't, then box them up and deliver them to her parents' house.

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I think if you two make it through this you really need to get the girl a ring! I mean come on.. you're not getting any younger.

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Not so fast here! They're both still plenty young and that may be part of the problem. Since she is obviously so ambivalent about staying committed to him then a ring is hardly appropriate right now.

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I think if you make it through this, some commitment would be really nice.

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Absolutely. But it seems like she's the one with the commitment issues, not him. I think you're preaching to the choir here.

1) Read my Survival Guide Below.
2) She's been really honest with you
3) I think it's clear: she wants space for now
4) GIVE IT TO HER
5) Then you can start thinking in 3-4 months... right now you have ALL the facts. Really.
6) Leaving her things is not a curveball... she wants to be free and not make it too dramatic.
7) The less you do, the more you do! Chasing and wondering will make her go farther.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Dude, put all her stuff neatly in a box and put it in the garage, attic, closet etc...

Its only been 11 days....she may need up to 90 to get some perspective...and you too!

my guess is this relationship was not all perfect and you can take some time to think about that too....

Hang in there

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This is basically correct. You've been given some good advice here and some not-so-good advice. I think you're being unfairly blamed for a lack of commitment that seems to be her issue if anybody's. SInce she insisted on taking the break then you should go right along with it, no matter how hard it is. Pack her stuff and get it back to her ; she has no right leaving it in your house if she's not going to continue to stay there. You need to insist that she make up her mind one way or the other ; none of this in-between stuff. Meanwhile you go out, date and have fun and do the things you like to do without worrying about her. With time it'll be easier and you may find that you don't even want her back after all.

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The problem is I have promised the whole N.C. thing to her and if I was to phone her and tell her to fetch her stuff,I would be breaking our agreement!

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Technically, yes it would, but it really wouldn't violate the spirit of the agreement. You'd only be contacting her in a business-like manner to tell her to come get her belongings ; it's not like you'd be making a social call to "see how she's doing" on anything like that. In fact, you've got to make sure that it doesn't turn into that. Keep it strictly business and that's that. When she does come to get them, it's the same thing ; no aimless chit-chat, you tell her to hurry because there's somewhere you've got to be in 10 minutes (whether it's actually true or not, but hopefully it will be.) If she insists on knowing where, you just tell her that "you've got some important personal matters to attend to." If you end up having to deliver them to her parents' house, same rule applies. Strictly business ; you leave them then you've got to be on your way ; no chit-chat or anything like that, even if they regard you as their "other son." Don't let yourself feel guilty about being "cold" or anything like that; remember, she's the one who wanted this break, so she's the one that now has to face the consequences. Remember, you can be perfectly happy with or without her in your life.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Technically, yes it would, but it really wouldn't violate the spirit of the agreement. You'd only be contacting her in a business-like manner to tell her to come get her belongings ; it's not like you'd be making a social call to "see how she's doing" on anything like that. In fact, you've got to make sure that it doesn't turn into that. Keep it strictly business and that's that. When she does come to get them, it's the same thing ; no aimless chit-chat, you tell her to hurry because there's somewhere you've got to be in 10 minutes (whether it's actually true or not, but hopefully it will be.) If she insists on knowing where, you just tell her that "you've got some important personal matters to attend to." If you end up having to deliver them to her parents' house, same rule applies. Strictly business ; you leave them then you've got to be on your way ; no chit-chat or anything like that, even if they regard you as their "other son." Don't let yourself feel guilty about being "cold" or anything like that; remember, she's the one who wanted this break, so she's the one that now has to face the consequences. Remember, you can be perfectly happy with or without her in your life.

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Yes. Don't fear her....When you are ready. Call her to get her stuff.

It is not mean. It is fair... and she will only take you more seriously for taking charge in a nice way. Women lke a guy who is moving forward - whether they admit it or not :-)

Young girls always give off mixed feelings, you have agreed to a month. Stick to it as a matter of your word. That doesn't mean you have to walk through limbo. If her possesions drive you nuts, then REMOVE them from your sight. Put them in storage, whatever. But your word doesn't include just sitting like a toad until a month is over. Gee dude, you have carte blanc to do whatever you please, and that includes getting a life that you enjoy with out her in it. A healthy well adjusted man always has a life of his own. Make this 30 days work for you, not drive you crazy.

I am in a very similur situation right now.. its been 8 years since the 8th grade... and we have been through hell and back and a lot of the of stuff seems like it should be in a movie... but for some reason I can't stop coming back to her... this past year was the hardest in my life and it isn't getting any easier. I use to think and actually still kind of do that there is something wrong with me even though I have been trying my hardest to just be there for her and make her realize what she would be losing from cleaning the whole house(which she is a neat freak and loves a clean house), giving massages, and just always being there for her. We've broke up just last week also and its been the hardest thing for me although it seems like we do this like every couple of months, but this time feels different. I don't understand how a person could be so cold to just drop some one an treat some one so badly. But what I really don't understand is why I can't get this person out of my mind even though she treated me pretty badly. I haven't even came close to all the details about this relationship but I really think just like your relationship that its over. The only thing she cares about is herself and no happy times and security will matter you both shared will matter. ITS DONE. Not matter what you do. And I have to realize that too. And calling her or showing any sign of weakness will definitely push her away even further. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is knowing that I gave 110% in this relationship and that someday she might realize what a mistake she made. And by that time the shoe will be on the other foot, and ill be the one that could be so cold, but until that day stay with friends and family to keep occupied. Don't go looking for a rebound because it will not fulfill what you need. That's where I am at in this similar situation

She has been attached to you since she was 16 and has not tasted freedom and she wants to (she should) I think it is just not smart to attach yourself to someone all of your teen years.
She may get out there and realize that you are not the one for her and you may discover she is not for you. I'd cut her loose now. She can't have one foot in your place and the other playing the field. Tell her you two need to end it and maybe you'll meet up again and maybe you won't, but at least you exercised your options.

Hey guys! Help please! I got texted today-she wants to know how I have been and if I am available to talk later! What should I do? I haven't responded yet.

It's your life. Talk to her and have a talk with her.

Stop living in fear.

1) If she broke up with you (she did) it is OK though to answer on your own schedule. She understands you have no obligation to answer.

2) That said, if you are torturing yourself...
Text her back that you would like her to respect your space if you are broken up.

OR

3) meet and talk.. then, explain you would like silence... and get to work on living.

You have some control here. You have options.

To get back control ask yourself which option you can live with and do it.