I'll explain first so you can answer with some clarity.

About a year ago I met a foreign exchange student named Valeria from Ecuador. We hit it off as friends as my current relationship was going down the tubes. I had no intention of dating her as I thought some time being single might be good for me. I soon realized I had feelings for her after my relationship ended. We agreed to give it a try and see what happens after her year here. It went really good, no other women ever gave me what she did, and she seemed to have a keen understanding of what a hopeless romantic like me needed: Candle lit dinners at home, cozy movies at 1 in the morning on the sofa, falling asleep in the cove my arms made around her at night, and other more intimate surprises. When we argued (rarely did) it was handled with maturity and delicacy to the others feelings. When she left we both wanted to try and make it work and see each other again. I never cried so hard in my life and never had a girl cry with me that hard, we smiled while crying recalling all our happy times, picture perfect ending to a chick flick it was. She now is at college in Ecuador and I have been working hard at my sales rep job while at the same time running a growing home studio. She communicated less and less with me and slowly stopped giving me the comfort of how strong her feelings still were. I would be lucky to get a "Love You" on the phone anymore. We eventually had a talk about were we stand and what we felt, both agreed we still wanted to try more. Well recently it has not gotten better, I called on a scheduled time we put down to talk to her. She was at a party drinking and said she was fine and not drunk at all, she sounded fine. She cut me off as I was talking to her and asked I call back tomorrow. I was a little upset because calling there is expensive but I didn't complain as I wanted her to have fun. I said to her after that I will call and that I loved her. Silence, painful silence. She then says "Yeah... Same to you". I said "what?" as that was the first thing that came to my mind. She responds "Yeah... the same to you". I then said "why can't you say....." she interrupts with "oh don't be like" I cut her off with "never mind, just fine... I'll call you whenever" CLICK. I was devastated as the only other time this happened to me is when the girl was with someone that she didn't want to have known about me. I was more angry then I ever have been in my life, I felt like I yet again put my feelings on the line for someone and just got taken advantage of, I always try my hardest and be careful not to try too hard, it goes strong and then I get shorted.

I feel alone, unappreciated, misunderstood and not loved... you know, what most women feel in relationships but its flip flopped because I'm a man lol.

I'm a deep rooted romantic with his soul tied to music that just wants to find he kindred spirit or soul mate, I cook, clean, do little things to remind of my love, make songs for my partner at the time, know when I should stop my world to help, approach arguments with maturity, keep a real eye on the relationship while instilling romantics, I think of what I need in a relationship and then take into consideration what she needs and make the necessary compromises, only allow sex when I think our relationship can handle it.

Here is my questions...

What am I doing wrong? Why is it so difficult to get appreciated? And what should I do about my current situation?

Thank you for reading this, if it means anything it means a lot to me to get help, I do it all the time for strangers I don't know but getting it in return gives me faith.

Sincerely,
SjR

I really don't know what to say to you. You don't come across like you need any help at all. I think you'll do just fine, when you find someone you think a lot of everything will just fall into place and you will learn what is really important in life.

SJr
I agree with bluerose,
You sound like you have all it takes in you to go on in life and find the right balance.

Give yourself time and space to grow and accept this new change,if she is gone for good do not despair.
Long distance relationships are hard to keep for too long and steady.

EDIT:::;https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post654092

You might like to read this too...

firmbeliever,

Thanks. Tried to thank you on rate thingy but it said I needed to spread it. Lol

You sound like a wonderful guy and any woman would be lucky to have your love, and one day you WILL meet your true love but you must be patient and quit looking so hard. More IMPORTANTLY you must quit doubting yourself, others and the universe. The more doubt and negative feelings you radiate, the more you create those very conditions. Remember the self-fulfilling prophecy lesson.
Keep your thoughts always positive remembering that THOUGHTS ARE THINGS. UNDERSTAND, Your thoughts and beliefs are creating your reality every second of the day, so don't sabotage yourself before you even get a chance.
You would benefit tremendously by adopting an attitude of appreciation for all that you have been given so far because you are truly blessed. Look at all that you have now and all that you have been given so far,and by learning how to be sincerely grateful, all that the future holds for you!
By focusing on what you can do to help yourself you will take your attention off what imaginary horrific deeds this girl may be doing. By being suspicious of her loyalty you can actually create those conditions. I once heard that whatever you are looking for you will find. If you look for infidelity then expect to find it. Stop looking for things that will hurt you! How hard is that to understand? Why would you want to imagine these painful things? Do you enjoy being mistreated? Get them out of your head and NOW!
This awesome place we inhabit always gives us just what we want. Understand that by dwelling on anything, you are focusing your attention and energy there and this is the beginning of creation. You are not a casual observer of your life. You are the one writing the script. It is a simple truth and easy to figure out.
On a less ephemeral note... Don't hang on so tightly to this girl. You said you wanted her to enjoy herself and if you do love her then you want her to have many happy experiences whether in your company or not. You both understood that you would be separated by long distances when you began to get involved, so unless one of you plan to relocate soon, please do not expect her or yourself to remain faithful to you. You too should be going out and keeping your heart available to others. She is not demanding faithfulness from you, is she?
She has every right under the sun to explore all options and meet every kind of person and have a decent variety of associations. You are limiting yourself and trying to limit her. This will cause you nothing but frustration and grief because it is not right. ALL YOU WILL EVER HAVE IS WHAT YOU GIVE AWAY. Find out what love REALLY means. Look to those with experience who have found real happiness. (Well, they're pretty rare but if you look hard enough... )
Once you can grasp the truth about LOVE you will find that your fears are incompatible with love and the two cannot co-exist.
Let her go. Miss that next appt to call her. Place yourself somewhere you will meet other girls and keep expecting the best to come to you. Know that you deserve that. Be glad for the depth and love you and her shared. It has given you the greater capacity for love.
Dude, its ALL good!

You remind me of a friend of mine; an exceptionally bright young man in his early 20's who spent all his time lamenting being unable to find a woman who appreciated him, and did not ultimately reject him. I gave him the cliché "it will happen eventually" but like most people in his situation he was inconsolable. Eventually it happened, of course.

As soon as you can, let this one go. I know it isn't like a switch, but you need to match the physical distance with emotional distance. When the two aren't aligned, it's bad news. It will suck at first, and then eventually fade.

At some point you will be better for it. Yeah I know those words aren't of any comfort, but eventually you'll see.

Let yourself mourn the passing of this relationship. It's OK to be upset, to grieve. Quit calling her, and after a few tough days/weeks, it will get easier and easier, just like any other addiction (and yes, that's what it is).

Man, the ONLY thing you can do is NOTHING. ZIP. ZERO.

Any effort will drive her even further south (antarctica).

My guess is that she is not happy having to explain herself. Women are no better than men when it comes to these dramas... they just want to run.

as you get older, women will like you to be more connected and stronger as they begin to think of the "nest"... but all women need to chase a bit... love them like heck when they catch you... but don't surround them - they are the "weaker sex" - and it is NOT comfortable to feel crowded. They like to be protected but not surrounded... it's basic human biology...

next girl = be yourself... and be a romantic... and if/when they begin the love waltz and move away - let them... they'll come back if you let them be... (and for the couple that don't - it's not your responsibility. Let them go and heal in peace.)

hang in there...

my break-up 101 guide below is a plan to keep in your back pocket if you have any remaining indecisions.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LightterThnAire

You sound like a wonderful guy and any woman would be lucky to have your love, and one day you WILL meet your true love but you must be patient and quit looking so hard. More IMPORTANTLY you must quit doubting yourself, others and the universe. The more doubt and negative feelings you radiate, the more you create those very conditions. Remember the self-fulfilling prophecy lesson.
Keep your thoughts always positive remembering that THOUGHTS ARE THINGS. UNDERSTAND, Your thoughts and beliefs are creating your reality every second of the day, so don't sabotage yourself before you even get a chance.
You would benefit tremendously by adopting an attitude of appreciation for all that you have been given so far because you are truly blessed. Look at all that you have now and all that you have been given so far,and by learning how to be sincerely grateful, all that the future holds for you!
By focusing on what you can do to help yourself you will take your attention off of what imaginary horrific deeds this girl may be doing. By being suspicious of her loyalty you can actually create those conditions. I once heard that whatever you are looking for you will find. If you look for infidelity then expect to find it. Stop looking for things that will hurt you! How hard is that to understand? Why would you want to imagine these painful things? Do you enjoy being mistreated? Get them out of your head and NOW!
This awesome place we inhabit always gives us just what we want. understand that by dwelling on anything, you are focusing your attention and energy there and this is the beginning of creation. You are not a casual observer of your life. You are the one writing the script. It is a simple truth and easy to figure out.
On a less ephemeral note...Don't hang on so tightly to this girl. You said you wanted her to enjoy herself and if you do love her then you want her to have many happy experiences whether in your company or not. You both understood that you would be separated by long distances when you began to get involved, so unless one of you plan to relocate soon, please do not expect her or yourself to remain faithful to you. You too should be going out and keeping your heart available to others. She is not demanding faithfulness from you, is she?
She has every right under the sun to explore all options and meet every kind of person and have a decent variety of associations. you are limiting yourself and trying to limit her. This will cause you nothing but frustration and grief because it is not right. ALL YOU WILL EVER HAVE IS WHAT YOU GIVE AWAY. Find out what love REALLY means. Look to those with experience who have found real happiness. (Well, they're pretty rare but if you look hard enough.....)
Once you can grasp the truth about LOVE you will find that your fears are incompatible with love and the two cannot co-exist.
Let her go. Miss that next appt to call her. Place yourself somewhere you will meet other girls and keep expecting the best to come to you. Know that you deserve that. Be glad for the depth and love you and her shared. It has given you the greater capacity for love.
Dude, its ALL good!

---

She does want me to be faithful and I have always thought that was the problem. I do love your answer though, it was very insightful :)

I have always known when and when not to crowd the girl and that's why I am confused, they say they love that about me and then they always end up distancing themselves from me. They might be saying I am doing a good job when I'm doing a bad one?

I have read the entire book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and loved it though it was a bit old and I agreed with about 85 - 90% of the book.

I am planning on talking to her and explaining why I can no longer be with her, it would be easier to just stop calling her but I really do not want to just disappear from this girls life, I like to keep all my X's friends and it has worked out pretty well, I believe that when you share a deep intimacy you shouldn't part ways and never talk again (though unless it was a bad breakup with deep rooted resent for one another).

All of your answers were great and gave me all the point of views I needed to look at. Thank you for throwing some clarity into my vision... now comes the hard part.

Sincerely,
Sam

Thanks for the answers, they gave me some motivation and hope.

Sincerely,
Sam

You fell in love... it's OK. It's not terminal... These things take time.

You're Welcome, Sam. Good luck for the future.

Sam,
It is a pleasure...

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