hi everyone,

I am concerned with the way my 5 (soon to be 6) yr old niece has been acting. I'm sorry in advance I can tell this is going to be long and I hope you'll bare with me because I really need help.

Firstly, she has always loved being the center of attention (what child doesnt) and an exhibitionist of sorts. But over the past couple years I've noticed her becoming more and more of the wrong kind of exhibitionist.

she has a tendency to strip or flash, not only around family (though still inappropriate, its not like the 'wrong' kind of people are seeing it) and in public. Also there is the odd sexual like behaviour that she has. A small example, she came up to me one night and hugged my leg, as she does, but then all of a sudden she started humping my leg?? I wasn't the only person that happened to that night either! (there is a lot more on this subject but you get the point)

Secondly, she has become increasingly violent. She will just randomly walk up to you and punch, sometimes kick, depending on what parts of you she can reach, if you're sitting down she goes straight for the face or head (and if its guy she knows where hurts). Not to mention bitting, scratching and pulling hair, even spitting on occasion. She doesn't do this to everyone, just selective family, as far as I know, her school hasn't said anything about her being physically violent there (though she might not have been caught), verbally abusive on the other hand more than once.

She knows what she is doing and she knows its wrong, its easy to tell she does these things on purpose because when you look at her after she just smiles (and I don't mean innocently) and gives you a snooty look. Its like she knows you're not going to hit her the way she hit you so what's she got to worry about. If that makes sense.

My sister is a good person, ill always stick by that, but its almost like she'll let her daughter get away with these things because it gets her away from her for abit, or because she just can't be bothered. If these things happen in front of her she'll do something but if you go up to her and tell her what happened she just tell her daughter to say sorry (which obviously doesn't mean anything) and that's that. I have tried talking to her and suggesting maybe counselling (that being out of the question for some reason), but she'll either react and say what could I possibly know about kids I'm only 19. Or she'll just say that she tried and tried and there's nothing she can do.

if there is anyone here who can tell me what I can do to help my niece with her behaviour or maybe give me some reasoning that maybe some of it is normal, or even tell me how I can get my sister to step up more! I don't want to be harsh to my sister and I don't want this to result in a fight between us, but I know that 'just talking' sis to sis doesn't work, so ANY suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I don't want my niece to be this way all her life because we all know where that would be heading.

thank you for taking the time to read and again, I'm sorry it was so long:)

You need to get your sister to take time out. Get her to go to lunch or something where you will have her time and attention and make her open her eyes to the big picture.
Ask her how she is going to deal with it if her daughter does this in front of or to somebody with authority that can take it as meaning there must be something wrong at home (sexual abuse,. ) for her to be doing this and turn her into CPS. Ask her how she envisions her daughter out growing this if the discipline is nothing more than it has been. Ask her if she doesn't think this is behavior that could grow into sexual promiscuity by the time she is a teenager. Make her think of the big picture and tell her for her daughters best interest she needs to wake up.
Often kids go through a phase where they are doing it just for the attention even if it is negative attention but it sounds like your niece is doing it as more than solely that and should have outgrown it being the attention stage by now.

Thanks again NOhelp4u, your just a ray of wisdom with quite a contradictory name :), you've helped me with both my situations. I will take your advice and I hope for my nieces sake it all works out.

All the best