My live-in boyfriend of 2 years has this obsession with an idea that I have cheated on him with my ex-boss. I have never cheated on him, especially not with this guy who is much older than me and not remotely attractive.
I have been protesting my innocence now for nearly 9 months. He goes through stages of believing me and suspecting me, which keeps me hanging around. I've paid for hundreds of dollars of counseling for the both of us, where the counselor, after speaking to me, even tried to convince him that I haven't done anything.
My boss was fired around 4 months ago and I thought that would be the end of it, but he seems to always find a way to accuse me of getting up to something. The most recent is that he noticed that my boss was a friend of my friend on Facebook, which amazingly enraged him, despite the fact that I don't have control of that. He's so angry and is regularly threatening my boss (despite the fact I have no contact with him anymore and have never done anything) AND threatening me, even going so far as to say "You deserve to beaten just like your mother was."
I still love him, maybe stupidly, and I just want to know how to get it through to him. I feel like I've tried everything. Even if I leave, I feel like he'll forever be harassing me, and I just feel completely helpless. I have never cheated on him, and I want to be with him, and I wonder how it's possible for us to continue this way...

Help.

Im so sorry this is happening to you its happening to me as well. I understand you love him but the main question is does he want to fix anything. My fiancée thinks he sick that he's going crazy about it! Is there a way you can transfer to another place; like does your job have any other locations you can work at? They say the reason they think your cheating is because they cheated. Which in my life that actually happen to be true; he did cheat on me and was feeling very guilty about it! So what do you think about him?

I noticed that you posted this question a few months ago so I'm hoping that at this point things have gotten better. If not, than I hope this advice reaches you soon.

One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Without it the relationship is not worth having. Right now your fiancée does not trust you and it appears that it has gotten to the point where it is dangerous. Please remember that you have done nothing wrong! In fact you have stayed faithful to him and have tried very hard to save this relationship by paying for counseling sessions. Unfortunately, due to his behavior the relationship is no longer worth saving. In other words, you need to get out quick. If he won't trust you now, than it is only going to get worse as the years go by. From what you are describing it's clear to me that he will end up becoming an abusive husband.

I know its difficult to leave him because you think you love him, but for your own well-being and happiness in life it's for the best. Remember true love goes both ways and it involves trust, he is not showing you true love so you must leave him before it gets worse. Also, don't be afraid of leaving! If he harasses you or threatens you after the relationship is over than get a hold of the cops and slap him with a restraining order. Don't let any man, or any person for that matter, force you to live life in fear.

Always remind yourself that you deserve the best. You deserve someone who will believe you when you tell the truth. You deserve someone who shows their love to you and never threatens to hurt you. Please remember that and get out of this dangerous relationship.

He has a problem and not you. He is insecure because he was brought up with a mistrust for women and assumes you have to be the same as all women and has low or no respect for women. Get out asap. Giving him a brain or heart transplant would be easier than trying to change his attitude because his attitude is who he IS.

He's jealous, accusing, unreasonable, scares you, intimidates you... and what... a good kisser? All this is fine because you love him. Wonderful.

You do know love is just chemicals. What about your intelligence? Common sense? How about just a sense of self-protection, holy cow! But he's a good kisser, right?

Quote:

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"You deserve to beaten just like your mother was."

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Ah, so at least he's warned you AHEAD OF TIME that he plans on "putting you in your place" in the future and slap you around if he thinks he needs to. Well, at least you know what you have to look forward to.

Register with the Abused Spouses Hotline, you've smartly chosen to be with a man who treats you this badly now AND who plans on beating you up in the future. Fortunately, you're OK with all that, right?