I'm in love with a married man! When we first met a little over 1 year ago I was married to my (just recently in the past few weeks) ex-husband. I met my ex on Feb. 2 1990 and it was love at first sight, we got married in May of 1996 and just did a quick-uncontested divorce which was finalized two weeks ago. I am 33 with no children and my man is 45 with 7 children from 5 different women. He only married one of the women which he is currently married to. When he and I began to fall in love we often discussed being together and getting married. He said that he made many mistakes in his life and has lots of regrets but changed his ways. The last women that he had a relationship with ended 3 years ago but the catch is that we live with his 10 year old son from that relationship. It has been very difficult for me to accept that some of these women have to still remain as part of his life. When we first started the affair he was keeping things from me, he said that he was not married anymore and only had two children. When he realized how much we were falling for each other he fessed up and told me the truth with tears streaming down his face, he said later that he was crying because he felt bad about not telling me in the first place and that he feared I would never want to see him again. It really hurt me but I believed him. We have been living together with his son for several months now and it's been good days and horrible days since. My big issue is that I got the divorce, gave up my two dogs that are like children to me, moved in and basically became step-mom and he has yet to get this divorce. I feel very insecure and have so much fear. He had told me so many times in the past that he would have his divorce before me because in the country he is from they are very quick to resolve. Oh, yeah his wife lives in another country, any way now the story I get is that it turns out getting a divorce there is very difficult. I feel that the only person who has shown true commitment in this relationship is me. He says that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but every time I bring up the issue he gets upset and says things like "Why do we have to go over this again and again? I told you how I feel about you, I can't live like this arguing all the time" He doesn't understand that I need to have a sense of security. I mean, even though he isn't divorced yet, if he really intends on marriage shouldn't he get a ring or something. I'm supposed to just take his word for it and not get upset ever? I've done so much to be with this man and all he has done is to let me move in, and trust me I don't think he minds, I give A lot of crazy sex! So am I being paranoid? Unreasonable? Cruel? Irrational? Or is he being Inconsiderate and selfish? Is it so wrong to want a sense of commitment from this man? Please tell me...

7 children, 5 different women, you are in love with him, and he's married? I'd say that information alone is enough for a red flag to go up.

It sounds to me like he's putting off his divorce for some reason, and it sounds like he's getting defensive whenever you bring it up.

Exactly how "over" is their marriage? Have they been split up for a while?

This would just be my best judgement, but I wouldn't trust him until he actually proves his intentions.

Can I trust him, is he being honest to me?

You put yourself in a really bad situation here. YOU are the one doing all of the work, he is not. Now he says that he loves you, however have you heard that saying "actions speak louder than words"... his actions DO NOT show that he loves you. I feel that he keeps you around for convenience and really has nothing to lose as of yet due to his wife being in another country. He is having his cake and eating it too.

I would move out and leave him ASAP! You have sacrificed enough for him, to get basically nothing in return except heartache and pain. He will never leave his wife and you need to move on. You are the "other" woman... it will never work out. Stop the self torture and get into a meaningful healthy relationship that you deserve! Most of all STOP listening and reading into all of his lies upon lies!

Got to spread the rep ConfusedandLost but I agree with you completely.

This man is not functional in a relationship period. You should just cut your losses and move on before you get in too deep (no you are not already in too deep its only been a year). No he will not leave his wife if he hasn't one so already it will never happen.

Think about what is the foundation of your relationship? Deception. You were sneaking around and lying to you spouses and hurting them while you sought pleasure for yourselves. This is a very shaky foundation and nothing can be built upon it. Also say he does leave his wife - how long do you think it would be before he had something on the side? I'd say fairly quickly.

I do very much agree with the two answers above. And, I would heed their advice if I were you.

I just want to add that, why would your choose to try to have a close, personal relationship with someone like this when there are so many stable, "fish in the sea" with whom you could become involved? He obviously doesn't have much of a sense as to how to nurture, maintain, let alone commit to relationships. Too much baggage and problems with him! He is going to be dealing with the issues of previous relationships and the results of those relationships for many years to come.

I would move on if I were you. In spite of your attraction for him in whatever way, you will find another, if a relationship with someone else is the thing after which you seek.

Hello

Sending you a Big Hug. Im sorry you are in this relationship BUT you're an adult and knew going in with your eyes open that he was married and that meant he was a lier and a cheat. Finding out he has a past made it worse and you stayed anyway. Now the question is how long are you going to play his game or are you going to be the other Lady when he cheats on you. You know he will and most likely is already.

You know this isn't going anyplace so get out before its to late.

Dennis777

I only read the first few sentences and I can already tell you sounds pretty messed up to me. I definitely wouldn't trust a guy with 7 kids from 5 different women. He's 12 years older than you. You are so young and have so much ahead of you! Plus, you can see he's unfaithful. As much as it is going to hurt, you need to let this guy go. You're getting yourself in a mess that will be really hard to dig yourself out of. You'll have the anger from his wife and kids by that wife, maybe even his family. Is it really worth it? You're 33 years old. Don't settle for a guy like that. It's going to be really hard and you're going to really regret it possibly, but in the end you will realize you did the right thing by walking away. I know its probably not what you wanted to hear, but I hope it helps.

I need to say that I really2 understood your situation... matter fact, your experience quite the same like mine, except my boyfriend only have 2 kids from 2 different women... yeah he did exactly like your boyfriend did... I knew he had divorce his second wife but I don't know that he has another wife... one day when he felt like we are already in too deep, he confessed to me that he has another wife and a child with this women... he even react the same like yours boyfriend, he was crying and feared I would never want to see him again... he said to give him time... until march 2010 for him to settle everything with his wife. Even to get divorce. And now I realize, if he really wanted to divorce his wife at the first place, he will already do it by now.. I feel extremely terrible right now, when I realized I'm the one who give the effort through out this relationship...