Ask Me Help Desk - Is my crush taking over my life?

I'm married. I love my husband. I look at him and think about how lucky I am, and how gorgeous and funny he is. I literally think how lucky I am when I wake up and see him next to me.

But I've got a crush.

I've had a crush on a celebrity for a few months now. I say 'celebrity', he's someone in the public eye but if you asked the man on the street who he was, they wouldn't know. It's just it's getting worryingly intense. I know it's healthy to have crushes but I am honestly jonesing over this guy. I think about him most of the time, to the extent that I imagine conversations with him, or how we could be together..

I suffer from bouts of depression occasionally, and when I'm depressed I usually develop obsessions as a form of escapism, but normally it's a band, or a TV series or something. It's making me uncomfortable that it's a person, who I can buy magazines about or watch DVDs of... :confused:

Any thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Help?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kohoutek

I'm married. I love my husband. I look at him and think about how lucky I am, and how gorgeous and funny he is. I literally think how lucky I am when I wake up and see him next to me.

But I've got a crush.

I've had a crush on a celebrity for a few months now. I say 'celebrity', he's someone in the public eye but if you asked the man on the street who he was, they wouldn't know. It's just it's getting worryingly intense. I know it's healthy to have crushes but I am honestly jonesing over this guy. I think about him most of the time, to the extent that I imagine conversations with him, or how we could be together..

I suffer from bouts of depression occasionally, and when I'm depressed I usually develop obsessions as a form of escapism, but normally it's a band, or a TV series or something. It's making me uncomfortable that it's a person, who I can buy magazines about or watch DVDs of..... :confused:

Any thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Help??

I think you need to smell the roses. Look realistically at you chances with this crush. Probably pretty low right? Not that your not good enough, but more because your not in the same circles. It is OK to have your "what if". Mine is *blush* Mariah Carey and my other half's is Jon Bon Jovi. If she can score him... go for it!
But back to you, look at him drool, talk about how hot he is, but just remember to take care of the one who lies beside you every night. Just keep it in check so you don't hurt your relationship or even worse... become a stalker!

Sounds clinical.

Examine your childhood and relationship with parents and know that the things of your past and the desire to escape via celebrity etc... is your psyche's way of dealing. It sounds like you have a chemical or developmental issue or both - and that means you should F--- the Sh-- out of your husband for loving you so much... That is a great escape. Look at his hand - it's REAL. That should be a rush... Go away for the weekend and fantasize together. Be open... and recognize that you have this tendency and not to fear it but to use it... escape with your partner... if you have to escape to a different placer to do it - so be it.

Having a crush is healthy so maybe you'll live a few hundred years in perfect health but before you do so you'll have to grow up and learn about the real world. The "crush" faze is observed most often in the very young or the very old. Is there a chance your obsession is related to prescribed medications? Are you being treated for your depression? The age your depression surfaced? I think a "crush" is common but not sure about the health benefits when compared to all the benefits you enjoy within marriage. Best thing to do if your under 23 years of age: Talk with your health care provider about your CRUSH. DO NOT talk with your friend/s, hair dresser, coworkers, parents, in-laws etc about your growing obsession. Best thing to do if your over 23: Accept who you are, the ups and downs of your life and the reality of how very close you are to the edge of a cliff and then make a choice; back off or charge forward. The choice is all yours. Good luck

Your "bouts of depression" sound related to this.

I applaud you for including this info. The addictions that go along with depressions ebb and flow are common.
I think you are currently addicted to... (Kid Rock :-) whomever... and it will fade but if it threatens your marriage balance please talk to a pro for a few months.

Just want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I know that I need to be grateful for what I have and where I am with my life and having a husband who loves me. As far as my depression goes, I was diagnosed at 17 and now I'm 25 and on 40mg of Citalopram a day and I'm awaiting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy so I really hope that will help with stuff like that but the waiting list is so long. I just sometimes worry that I'm going to lose myself in a fantasy world, because it's just so much easier than real life. It tears me up inside to feel so passionately about someone who isn't my husband, and it's so confusing because I know it's not real... But it's like I'm too weak to give up this fantasy. If that makes sense.

Depressives often do this. So in that sense it's NORMAL. But knowing it's destructive is the key! Recognize that and you win. I have seen marriages crumble when one medicated partner thinks a threesome or other adventure will make her/him happy and high and they will both be the better for it... then afterwards they are BOTH MORE DEPRESSED... as far as depression and other behavioral issues go, it is a constant battle and the significant other always deserves love for their patience...