Ask Me Help Desk - Very Jealous husband

Hello, I need some help. I have been with my husband for 18 years we have 7 children and my husband has been getting extremely jealous. First I would like to tell everyone that he will check the history on this computer to see what I am doing. He says I'm chatting with someone. I have never.He checks caller ID and if a number shows up that he doesn't recognize he questions me about it. He used to be physically abusive but we got saved and he doesn't hit me anymore.He is very verbally and mentally abusive .he doesn't want me to work or be around anyone he accuses me EVERYDAY. It is too the point I'm not excited about the future because I know what to expect daily.last night he stated that he had a bad dream and he felt like choking me in my sleep.He says the devil puts these thought in his head but I think it is more than that. I feel like I can't breathe. He twist everything I say and I can't have a conversation with him because he finds something negative in what I say. I can't watch TV if men are on there, He accuses me of looking at my son friends who are 15 and 16. That makes me so disgusted. He does all of this then be nice at nighttime because he wants some sex and when I say no he accuses me of saving it for someone else. I am almost 300 pounds and I want to lose weight he says he loves me the way that I am, but I want to lose weight for health reasons. What will happen if I lose weight he can't get any more jealous. I will welcome all advice and it won't be taken lightly. I just want to be happy and stop letting my children hear us arguing everyday and me crying. Thank you all for assistance. I have so much more to tell but I need to get off before he comes back. God Bless everyone.:confused:

My advice... in this order:

1. Find a place to go... leave and mean it
2. Get BOTH of you into GOOD counselling IF you want to try again.

If you just stay it will only get worse and you will be miserable forever. Life should not be this - it should be fun and exciting (with sprinkles of boredom thrown in - not fear).

He has CONTROL and SELF-ESTEEM issues. He is using YOU to feel better and YOUR EXPENSE. It is not you... it is HIM.

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS... YOU NEED A LOT OF THERAPY TOGETHER and for this to come from a professional.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BRFCAREOK

My advice...in this order:

1. Find a place to go...leave and mean it
2. Get BOTH of you into GOOD counselling IF you want to try again.

If you just stay it will only get worse and you will be miserable forever. Life should not be this - it should be fun and exciting (with sprinkles of boredom thrown in - not fear).

He has CONTROL and SELF-ESTEEM issues. He is using YOU to feel better and YOUR EXPENSE. It is not you...it is HIM.

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS...YOU NEED A LOT OF THERAPY TOGETHER and for this to come from a professional.

Thank you for the advice

My concern is historical. He hit you before he can start again. And don't think for a moment that the children are blind or dumb about this.

I would go to the police or social services and get the address for a battered spouse shelter. I would suggest you haul your very pretty fanny there as quickly as possible.

And if asked questions, ask him why is he treating you this way? Do not provoke him?

His hearing voices worries me. It most definitely could be a medical condition.

This is a dangerous man. He isn't going to get better. He is making you feel like you are the one in the wrong and you try to defend yourself at every turn. He will end up hurting you because he is a very sick and unhappy person. The best thing to do, would be to get away from him. That may be difficult under your circumstances but not as bad as what your life will be like if you let this cycle of abuse continue.
For the sake of your children and for your own freedom, well being and safety, find help and leave him.. I hope you don't wait until its too late.
Look into any support groups for battered women, you don't have to have a black eye to be an abused woman. He is verbally, mentally and psychologically abusive, the physical stuff will start again. Do not allow him to hurt you anymore, your children will learn from him how to treat women and how to be treated by men.. I wish you the best.

Hello.

He is about to blow at any time. Get out now and don't look back unless he gets real long term help. I know its hard to think about leaving but it's not good for you or the kids to live in a home with the anger yours has in it. If he Loves you and the kids he will get help if he only thinks of himself he will stay the way he is now and your better off without him.

Dennis777

Contact a battered women's shelter and speak to them. Tell them everything that you wrote here and get their very learned and valuable advice. Then... follow it!

I agree with everyone above. Your husband is a ticking time bomb. Not only are you in danger, but so are your children. Sweetie, remember - children learn what they live. Is this the kind of life you wish for your kids? Show them what it is like to care about yourself.

I urge you to take immediate action, as the others have. Get out now! I would NOT discuss it with him, ask him why he treats you this way, or anything else. I, too, am alarmed at his claims that the devil is putting thoughts in his head. It sends chills through me. Please, please take action. There is a LOT of help available to you, but you must take the first step.

Hugs, Didi

I hate to say this but when people become Christians, they are born again, they are new creations in Christ, and it doesn't sound like he is a very new creation.
You're in a very dangerous situation. Men that are jealous like that are very possessive and some of those types would rather kill their spouse than have then be with someone else.
Ill keep you in my prayers... pray for him, and do whatever you can to contact a woman's help organization like faith house.
I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help...