Ask Me Help Desk - Used to be fat

Quote:

Originally Posted by breyegrl

Growing up I was always heavy. Up until my senior year of highschool I was always told "you have such a pretty face, to bad you are so heavy." Although I was never obese (My highest weight was 165 and I am 5'6 and athletic) I did get made fun of alot in middle school and the you have such a pretty face statement followed me throughout high school until my senior year. Because of those statements from my classmates and family members I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin. The summer before my senior year I decided that I had enough of being "fat" and began exercising and eating healthy. I graduated highschool at 138 lbs. and was very proud of my hard work. Unfortunately during that time I lost alot of "friends" who were jealous of my weight loss and began talking about me behind my back. This caused me to develop trust issues with females. As I went through college I continued my exercising and healthy eating and I currently weigh 125lbs. the problem is I am still uncomfortable in my skin. If I were to look at myself as someone else I would think that wow she looks great but when I look in the mirror I can still see all my old flaws. I realize that I have a body image problem and I am always trying to fix that but thats not my problem. Growing up and being made fun of for your weight for 17 years really takes a toll on a person and is not easy to erase. I still find myself being shy around people b/c thats how I became in order to avoid being made fun of as a child and teenager. Now that I am thin and I still have my pretty face my shyness is seen as iness and it often puts me in a position where I have to defend the way that I am. I have now been in the professional work force for a year and a half and I am finding that being shy is seen as unprofessional and or y but I can't help it. Any suggestions on how I can overcome this in both my proffessional and social life. I have worked very hard and it bothers me that my delusional body image might jeoporadize everything that I have worked so hard for.

Well, I see being made fun of throughout middle school and high school is hard for you from what you told me. Also I want to praise you for being healthy and taking care of yourself, because nobody else will. So, now to the two issues you asked. First off with the confidence issue. I suggest you first ask yourself this question, "What's the worst that can happen". I'm not sure if you've heard this question before. In those situations when you feel the shyness creeping back, ask yourself that. You may be surprised, the whole situation isn't as bad as you may think. Also when you have time try putting yourself in situations that your not used to or comfortable with. You may be thinking this is not something you thought anybody would say. However, this may help you find yourself in the confidence issue, by training yourself to be able situations that make you feel like hiding under the table. Don't do something that is life threating, I don't mean to go that far. Here's a story a friend of mine gave me and I kept. Maybe you might have a change of thought on how to live your life...

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A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing's he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday... " and "One Day... " are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.
I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... letters that I wanted to write "One of this days".
I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brothers and future children, not times enough at least, how much I love them.
Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives.
And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day.
Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
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----Hopefully that helped. Now with yourself image problem you proclaim to have. You said you brought you weight down from 168 to now what 125. That's a great accomplishment, from what I think, but this about what you think. When you look at the mirror, don't just stand there just to make yourself feel bad. Stand there knowing you look great, if you feel CONFIDENT about yourself others with notice. I also suggest you reward yourself with, by going out buying a few clothes and go out with your friends, remember with confidence and celebrate YOU.

(Let me know how things turn out) email: [email protected]

Good Luck...