Ask Me Help Desk - Hurt,stress and angry

Hello,

I am being used by my husband, I thought he loved me dearly but things changed after we got married no let me say it different after he got what he wanted from me.I have known him about 3 to 4 months then I married him,he's an Ghanian man which my friends was telling me that he was using me to get his papers for citizenship but me I trust people and try not to judge anyone,I love this man I thought I did until the treatment that he had been given me,people say I can't do too much cause I have already went to the interview with him that all he was wanting really,I'm stress out hurt angry just out done with myself can't believe I set myself up for this failure to happen to me this is my second marriage and I wanted this to be my last cause really I thought he was the one for me.I want to call immigration and let my heart out,then I believe in God that he will see me through and he will take care of this but I just want to hurt him like he has hurt me and I don't know what to do he walks around like he don't care what he's doing to me I have kids but their not his but he's damageing me making me a person I don't want to be in my life cause I have already been through a great deal in my life a while back and he knows this.What should I do?

Call Immigration, divorce him and cancel the sponsorship application for his green card. If youyr sure he is using you now why would you go through all the trouble of letting him into the country?

Quote:

Originally Posted by will30

Hello,

I am being used by my husband, I thought he loved me dearly but things changed after we got married no let me say it different after he got what he wanted from me.I have known him about 3 to 4 months then i married him,he's an Ghanian man which my friends was telling me that he was using me to get his papers for citizenship but me i trust people and try not to judge anyone,I love this man i thought i did untill the treatment that he had been given me,people say i can't do to much cause i have already went to the interview with him that all he was wanting really,I'm stress out hurt angry just out done with my self can't believe i set myself up for this failure to happen to me this is my second marriage and i wanted this to be my last cause really i thought he was the one for me.I want to call immigration and let my heart out,then i believe in God that he will see me through and he will take care of this but I just want to hurt him like he has hurt me and i don't know what to do he walks around like he don't care what he's doing to me i have kids but their not his but he's damageing me making me a person i don't want to be in my life cause i have already been through a great deal in my life a while back and he knows this.What should i do?

I am sorry to hear this

It is a known fact that immigration is very tight on giving papers to people , so people like your husband take advantage of people like you and get married for papers.

It is not too late to do somethng about it. You should contact immigration as soon as possible and explain to them your situation. They will handle it for you

Immigration is not in favour for marriage of convinience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by will30

Hello,

I am being used by my husband, I thought he loved me dearly but things changed after we got married no let me say it different after he got what he wanted from me.I have known him about 3 to 4 months then i married him,he's an Ghanian man which my friends was telling me that he was using me to get his papers for citizenship but me i trust people and try not to judge anyone,I love this man i thought i did untill the treatment that he had been given me,people say i can't do to much cause i have already went to the interview with him that all he was wanting really,I'm stress out hurt angry just out done with my self can't believe i set myself up for this failure to happen to me this is my second marriage and i wanted this to be my last cause really i thought he was the one for me.I want to call immigration and let my heart out,then i believe in God that he will see me through and he will take care of this but I just want to hurt him like he has hurt me and i don't know what to do he walks around like he don't care what he's doing to me i have kids but their not his but he's damageing me making me a person i don't want to be in my life cause i have already been through a great deal in my life a while back and he knows this.What should i do?

Dear you,

I am not going to pretend that I know how you feel because I do not. I am sorry for what you are going through, can I be frank with you..
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY KNOW SOMEBODY IN 4 OR 5 MONTHS? I would not be surprise if he is the one who initiate the marriage proposal...
Hurting him will probably give you some satisfaction, but in the long run won't solve anything. Using the power that you have, you said you believe in God to make a way out of no way God specialize in this area.
Live everything to Him, watch how the situation turns around.
I am in need for papers but I believe taking advantage of somebody like that is wrong and we have to draw the line somewhere...

Be encourage,everything is going to be all right... you still have your kids that need your sanity..!

Quote:

Originally Posted by will30

Hello,

I am being used by my husband, I thought he loved me dearly but things changed after we got married no let me say it different after he got what he wanted from me.I have known him about 3 to 4 months then i married him,he's an Ghanian man which my friends was telling me that he was using me to get his papers for citizenship but me i trust people and try not to judge anyone,I love this man i thought i did untill the treatment that he had been given me,people say i can't do to much cause i have already went to the interview with him that all he was wanting really,I'm stress out hurt angry just out done with my self can't believe i set myself up for this failure to happen to me this is my second marriage and i wanted this to be my last cause really i thought he was the one for me.I want to call immigration and let my heart out,then i believe in God that he will see me through and he will take care of this but I just want to hurt him like he has hurt me and i don't know what to do he walks around like he don't care what he's doing to me i have kids but their not his but he's damageing me making me a person i don't want to be in my life cause i have already been through a great deal in my life a while back and he knows this.What should i do?

This is a hard subject for me to talk about because I saw this happen to my mother and her husband, at the time... it broke our family apart. She felt that deep down inside he really did love her and thought that the papers would make him realize he really needed her. BUT it didn't when the papers were in his hand he walked away as if he had never laid eyes on her before. The best thing for you to do is have a long conversation with him and ask if that is his sole purpose for the marriage and if it is STOP the process immediately. Don't make a fool of yourself, you will be out of a lot of money, that could be used for things for the kids. You can be a lot less stressed if you just open your eyes.
Myself I am married to a mexican and we have a 19month old little girl together. Before I started his process for a green card I mad sure this is not for him but for US.

I am so sorry for you. I went through the same thing in the early '80s. I married a lovely Moroccan man after just a few months because his immigration status was shakey. I loved him, he seemed to love me, we loved each other's families. A few weeks after he got his green card, he stopped coming home and when he did come home he would sleep on the couch. He swore he did not marry for the green card but he became abusive and told everyone I was cheating on him so he could leave.

The really sad part is it took me 25 years to believe what my family and friends told me. I continued to see him at every opportunity which was a mistake.

Here is what I wished I had done:

1. Leave him first.
2. Make an appointment with the immigration folks and report him.
3. File for divorce.
4. Never see him again.

If you take those steps it will empower you to be stronger. I know this hurts and I wish I could hug you but all I can say is that over time it will become easier to live with.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. You must stop this immigration procedure immediately, it is your civic responsibility to do so. But also, protect yourself and your children. This will effect him in a big way and he may become violent towards you. Ask immigration about getting protection against this man.