Hi. I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months, and we have such a wonderful relationship. Recently though, she has been very distant, and when I ask her why, she goes on about how she is tired of chasing me. I really don't understand. She has a thing about me smoking and I've been a smoker on and off for about 3 years. I love her so much and she means everything to me. I really want things to be how they were, even she says that there is a chance for that. All I need is a little advice on the matter, I don't think I could ever get over losing her if that was to happen. Pleasde help me

Hi,
"Tired of chasing you"??
Sounds like just an excuse to stop seeing you.
People change, and so do romances, and love. You should get out, meet new people, do things with others. Depending on your age, you will have many, many more loves as time goes by. It's simply a fact of life.
Leave her alone, and let her make up her mind what, or who, she wants.
I do wish you the best,
fredg

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Originally Posted by Rost_th_1st

Hi. i have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months, and we have such a wonderful relationship. Recently though, she has been very distant, and when i ask her why, she goes on about how she is tired of chasing me. i really dont understand. She has a thing about me smoking and ive been a smoker on and off for about 3 years. i love her so much and she means everything to me. i really want things to be how they were, even she says that there is a chance for that. all i need is a little advice on the matter, i dont think i could ever get over losing her if that was to happen. pleasde help me

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Hi and welcome to the forum. How old are you? I know that once you've got the taste of 'love' you think it's forever... You are too young to even think that, and believe me it's not the end. It was just convenient to you and your mates to have a steady gal. But you will all have new loves and new experiences, just like all of us. This is the time for you to learn about the joys of sex - respectfully and safely. And a little bit step by step about relationships and values of your partners. My first boyfriend is still a friend of mine and has been for 30 years and we laugh at our young years together and our learning things that our peers were either learning too or trying to talk us into doing. It's all a part of life, and can be painful at times, but you'll get over it as long as you have a healthy attitude and not get bitter. Try to stick to school and learn a trade to be able to take care of a family once you have found the right partner, but this will be a long way off, so don't rush it. Those who marry too young usually wind up breaking up because they missed something in their lives and if children result from this, it will only hurt them and the circle will start all over again. If you have a good relationship with your dad, ask him if mum was the first one in his life - I bet the answer will be not. Life is a journey, an adventure, and can be fun shared together with the right one, but not necessarily the first one. Just remember that you'd like very much to be respected and not snickered at by any girl and therefore treat them with respect as well along the journey of meeting Miss Right. Good Luck to you. P.S. Smoking is not cool anymore and can kill you, really, my mom died of it painfully for years. I'm a smoker too and will probably wind up with a tube in my throat to be able to breathe, besides they don't taste good. Is that what you want for yourself? Please don't ruin your health before your life starts getting interesting.

Thank you both fredg and chery. I think you have very relevant advice. I can't however, understand why things had to turn out this way.
To answer your questions chery, I am 17 years old, and have quit smoking now. I have done well I think, no cigarettes in 6 days.. I don't think of my girlfriend as someone to just have as a 'steady gal', she really is special to me. She has helped me get over so much including an abusive family and drug use. She has been clean of these things her entire life but still stuck with me and kept me going. We both can tell that we are suited for each other, but she says that I have done so much she hates and wants me to change. I would be willing to do anything for a second chance at our relationship, but after so many years of being a drug addict and generally a really bad person, its hard to change into what she wants, I'm desperate to give it a go though because she is worth it a million times over. Do you have any advice on how to become what we need to keep us going? Any at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again for replying

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Originally Posted by Rost_th_1st

thank you both fredg and chery. i think you have very relevant advice. i can't however, understand why things had to turn out this way.
to answer your questions chery, i am 17 years old, and have quit smoking now. i have done well i think, no cigarettes in 6 days.. i dont think of my girlfriend as someone to just have as a 'steady gal', she really is special to me. she has helped me get over so much including an abusive family and drug use. She has been clean of these things her entire life but still stuck with me and kept me going. We both can tell that we are suited for each other, but she says that i have done so much she hates and wants me to change. i would be willing to do anything for a second chance at our relationship, but after so many years of being a drug addict and generally a really bad person, its hard to change into what she wants, im desperate to give it a go though because she is worth it a million times over. do you have any advice on how to become what we need to keep us going? any at all would be greatly appreciated. thank you again for replying

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You are welcome, but I just picked up on something you did not mention before. She helped you through an addiction problem, she helped you with avoiding becoming a criminal, etc.. She helped you because she cared, but probably fears that you will always depend on her for that support. We women don't mind helping, but we also want our men strong for us to lean on at times. There are many types of addictions, to include being addicted to people.. Are you sure you are not giving up your other addictions just to exchange it for another - her? I'm not making a judgement here, just stating fact, as I am an alcoholic (dry for 20 or more years now) and I almost made the mistake of 'falling' for my therapist. He gave me reassurance and help when I needed it, that was his job. But we sometimes tend to hang on to things or people that make us feel better. Do a real check on yourself, maybe talk to a professional and get a bit of self-confidence back. You went through a lot in your life, but always with a crutch of some kind, so stand straight and then try again with her. Good Luck.

Hey "rost," well to be honest, I think everyone else is right. Just give her a bit of time to calm down, and for her parents to stop being idiots. Like I said, it does get easier, and love isn't always meant to last forever, just keep the good memories in your heart and take comfort in the fact that you will find someone else. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Rost_th_1st

thank you both fredg and chery. i think you have very relevant advice. i can't however, understand why things had to turn out this way.
to answer your questions chery, i am 17 years old, and have quit smoking now. i have done well i think, no cigarettes in 6 days.. i dont think of my girlfriend as someone to just have as a 'steady gal', she really is special to me. she has helped me get over so much including an abusive family and drug use. She has been clean of these things her entire life but still stuck with me and kept me going. We both can tell that we are suited for each other, but she says that i have done so much she hates and wants me to change. i would be willing to do anything for a second chance at our relationship, but after so many years of being a drug addict and generally a really bad person, its hard to change into what she wants, im desperate to give it a go though because she is worth it a million times over. do you have any advice on how to become what we need to keep us going? any at all would be greatly appreciated. thank you again for replying

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Yes, dear, there is something you can do in addition to what you've achieved already - go see a professional, get the 'low down' on why you are who you are and that will help you toss out the old baggage and become a better individual - it helped me as I said before. When you've gone through therapy for a significant time, you can invite her to join in and get reassurance from the therapist that you've done everything to 'change your ways' and are ready to start a better chapter in life. Good luck to you - and be proud of what you've already done - now go out and do a little more and with help and luck, you'll eventually get what you worked for. You are young and can do it - because you had the strength to admitt this at an early stage, so my fingers are certainly crossed!