Ask Me Help Desk - How to get my girlfriend back

All right well here it goes.
Broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year to a little more then weeks ago. She said I didn't show enough emotion towards here like bring her out with my friends and public affection but she was all right with it for 10 months and she knew that wasn't my style. 1st weekend of the breakup she came out with me and my friends but I can't show any affection in public if were not together. We said I love you every day as expected, hung out everyday almost. Was always happy to see me. I go on a weekend trip with my buddies and I call her while I'm there and it's all fine. Come back I ask "are you completely happy with me?" "yes i love you" then we talk about how excited we are for our 1 year and the next day she breaks up with me. She's 19 I'm 22, probably a little immature.
She breaks up and because she says I don't show enough emotion so I show her some and we each shed some tears. I chased her for about 6 days because I thought she wanted to know how important she was to me. Then gave her 5 days of silence. My friend talked to her without me knowing and she said all this stuff like she was so happy in the relationship and how much fun it was to be with me. He told her s going to change and she said she would give me another chance. But she talks to me and she says like I don't want to see you anymore, move on. Spits a whole different story to me.
I don't want to be a huge to her to try and get her back and possibly lose a friendship with her, but I feel I have to do something.
I acted like a wuss because I thought that's what she wanted so how do I let her know I'm not a wuss and to get the attraction back. That is in a short period if possible.
She's also gone back to partying a lot(like 3 or 4 times a week) and hanging out with old friends that used to get her in trouble.
How do I get her back?

It sounds like the person you fell in love with is not the same person you dream you ex girlfriend to be. The only thing you could possibly do is get out of her life and see if she contacts you.

She seems like she is just not ready for a long-term committed relationship, which is very common of girls that age. The age of 18-25 is very important in figuring out what type of person you want to be with long term. With each relationship, you will learn more about yourself and others. You will learn what you need and expect in a relationship. This information will help you determine when you have found "the one". I know it is hard right now, but it is really for the best. Use this time as an opportunity to reflect on the relationship and figure out what you need from a relationship, that perhaps was lacking in the one you had. Use this information when you are ready to get another girlfriend. Break ups are hard, but they all happen for a reason. This girl is just not for you. You had two completely different ways of showing love. Read this book. It is called the 7 languages of love. It can really provide some insight to the current situation and help you when you are ready to have another girlfriend. I wish I would have read the book when I was younger. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Good luck!

I lost my girlfriend 14 months ago, after a relation of 6 years. Without no reason (did not know) she ended it.
She broke up and I had no idea why, I called her, sms, e-mail, etc... She did not wanted to talk with me, if she talked with me she did not answer my questions, etc...
I wrote her long letter telling her that I realized that I made mistakes, I asked her to marry, I tried it all. THE MORE I TRIED THE WORSE IT BECAME.

3 months later I was still trying and I had no results yet. The I found information on the web.
The advice was totally different then all the things I did BUT it worked!!

The main thing is to leave them alone, don't call, don't write, NOTHING, this is the clue.
I did this, it was very hard and a friend of mine did helped me, each time I wanted to call her, I talked to him and he told me to continue with the "strategy"

1 month later she did call me herself, all of the sudden I got a call from her and she was friendly, she asked me if I could do something for her, anyway , it was just an excuse to call me.

If you want your girlfriend back, stop having contact with her, don't send her letters, no gifts or flowers, LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!!!!!
Here is the site I found the information : http://www.exgirlfriendguru.com
(It is not a free program, you don't have to pay, you can find a lot information for free and subscribe to the newsletter, that send you lot of free advice. I bought it because I wanted to do something fast. I'm happy I did because it comes with a 1 hour audio that helped me through the bad moments)

I did follow the advice, I made the phonecall short (even it is hard to do but you should give her the feeling that you have more important things to do)
Since then she was on the phone every day for at least 1/2 hour (we live far appart)
I even went to her one day, she was kind and nice (DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PAST!! JUST BE FRIENDS)
She even offered me to spend the night there , I was so stupid to say no (I had pain that she was friendly but did not talked about what I wanted to talk about) so I left.

She still kept calling for all kind of things.

Then I made a huge mistake! I told her I didn't wanted her to call me anymore (I thought she was like before again and by me saying that that she would feel bad for me)

Anyway, she said it was stupid not to stay in contact but I said it was better. The day after she called me back and like nothing happened she was talking all the time about her work and friends,etc...
I was stupid again and said that I told her that I didn't want to talk with her anymore.

Since then I messed all up. I DID NOT FOLLOW THE ADVICE ALL THE WAY. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS I!!!! LEAVE HER ALONE AND WHEN SHE STARTS TO CONTACT YOU, JUST BE CHEARFULL AND KIND TO HER, SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU (don't try to make her fall BACK in love with you, she should start to love you like it was the first time, HAVE PATIENCE!!!!!)

Now it's 14 months later and I feel so stupid that I started to get her back and that I messed it up.

^^^^ And no doubtedly the "exgirlfriendguru" helped you fix all of the issues that broke you guys up in the first place right? You glad you just wasted 14 months of your life following this guy's advice?

Hmm... paid for advice and wasted 14 months pinning over this girl, only to have her walk away again... yeah... great advice man!

I messed it up myself, because I started to use my feelings again, instead of what they say in the program.

I know it sound stupid to hear a guy moaning about his ex, I could not understand that from friend of mine before it happened to me.

I am sure if I stayed to the advice that it would have worked but I had a problem that my ex showed up again and after several conversations that we had talking about all kind of things but not about why she did treat me like this after the break up.
Also I had in my mind that things were going well again (a little like before) I thought if I told her that it's too hard for me that she would started to talk.
I can' t explain why I did this stupid move but I know if I did follow the advice that it would have worked out.

It's a simple advice, no contact, when she contact you are a nice guy and feel great, etc...
But it's so attempting to follow your heart/mind.

Before this happened to me I thought also that you could cure a relation with sending flowers or ask to marry. But it doesn't

Free advice, no charge

Quote:

It's a simple advice, no contact, when she contact you are a nice guy and feel great, etc...

Wrong, you get dropped in the friendzone, and have false hope, she will change her mind, and take you back. No contact is for you to heal, not a strategy to get some one back, but for you to get your health dignity and self respect back. See the difference?

Quote:

Originally Posted by emph707

but I feel I have to do something.
I acted like a wuss because I thought that's what she wanted so how do I let her know I'm not a wuss and to get the attraction back. That is in a short period if possible.
She's also gone back to partying a lot(like 3 or 4 times a week) and hanging out with old friends that used to get her in trouble.
How do I get her back?

You don't. You leave her alone, and get your self back, by doing what you were doing before you met her. Get healthy, and see your situation through realistic eyes, and read the stickies on this forum. ( more free advice ) Pay special attention NC Rules and FAQ's. Some really good insights there for you, and Finchance

finchance: the OP was from oct 1st 2007... and he only posted once. So lets all hope for his sake that he got over that whole X gf-wanting her back- thing.

and like Tal said, you have misunderstood NO CONTACT...

also, to ask someone to marry you and buying flowers after the relationship has ended doesn't help. I'm glad you realized that much, sometimes we just need to accept it when something ends, take care of ourselves and move on with our life (no matter how painful)