I feel so lost lately. I have always known that I have feeling for both men and women since I was very little. I am now 21 years old. My problem is that I find going out to date and the occasional hooks very complicated. I hate most men and find women too complicated. My issues with men stems from my childhood. When I was young my dad left my mother and I and would rarely see me after that, he never came to see me in my dorm when I lived on campus, and I have not spoken to him in over 2 years because I give up on having a father/son realationship. I had a very cruel uncle who verbally abused me and gave me low self esteem. The moment I started elementry school up until my senior year I was picked on for being a "fag" and was teased about it even before I knew what that meant, and I never confirmed or denied my sexual preference because its none of their business, and this year I really fell hard for this guy only to find out he had a boyfriend.

With women I find that I am always the "best friend" and nothing else, I am not really masculine but I'm not a total "fruit" either, I am very in between, but because I am not a big burly butch sterotypical man I feel that women want nothing to do with me. I also find that women are too needy and too get real petty about stuff that is complete nonsense.

My trust issues and anger towards men, and feeling hopeless on having a chance with any woman frustrates me to no end. I don't know what to do, and its almost getting to the point that I am becoming anti social and the only people I trust is my mother and one gay best friend. To make matters worse my gay best friend is on a business trip for two months and my mom has begun dating and its harded to get a hold of her, so no with hardly anyone to talk to I feel lonely have no one.

Mac, based on personal experience, I'd say you have a fear of commitment. There are a lot of women out there who like less masculine men and a lot of men out there who are trustworthy. If you're comfortable with it, you should explain your situation to a therapist; they will help you get over/past your fear. Don't go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, a therapist is well qualified to deal with your problem and will save you a lot of money.

Good luck and don't give up hope!