This is my first time on this site...I had read another persons question on here, it sounded similar to mine, so thought this may be the place for me.

My Husband left me 3 months ago. He waited until I was at work, came from work, picked up clothes... and left. He sent an email to tell me the marriage was over... an email. I have a son from a previous relationship that he speant 5 years with... he left him as well, with no explanation... nothing.

There is a mortgage I am now paying on my own. Hopefully I can keep it up. Carpet Payments... etc.etc. ( We just bought our house 11 months before he left.)

I've been depressed... I've been medicated. I've drank it away with red wine once or twice... smoking way too many cigarettes, no energy... no will. This is not the person I want to end up being... withdrawn, alone. I've lost tremendous amounts of weight... I've stopped taking care of myself... and have no zest for my son.

I have sent him emails, about whatwent wrong, counselling... I have apologized for our fights.. I have gotten nothing but mean responses.

I broke down today after a month or so and sent a simple text... I Love You... I miss you.
I didn't hear my phone later in the evening, but checked it later and got a message (well two)... one mentioning he doesn't care if I live or die... if I get in a car accident tomorrow he wouldn't care. Bring on the papers... but I will have to pay for it. Just terrible...

How does this happen? How can you be telling your wife one day you love her... then pick up and leave her in the dust... then say those things? I didn't mention them all... but he mainly writes it's all my fault...

I don't want to divorce him... I don't want to fight, and get him for all he's worth...

I feel very lost... and don't know who I am anymore, or how to get back to a place in life where I'm happy.

This is the hardest thing I have ever been through... This is the man I married... I Love him... how do you let go of everything you ever wanted when you think it was all your fault?

I'm sorry that your going through such a hard time. You need to be honest with yourself here and accept the end of your relationship, the sooner you do this the faster you will wake up one morning and you will try to remember just when did the heart ache stop.

If you really want to be honest you can look back and see that you ignored the signs and you shouldn't be surprised by his leaving. Most people who hire a private investigator usually already know, why else would they do it other than to get the details.

You need to love yourself more. Why would you want to be with a person who obviously doesn't want you?

Years ago when I finally realized that I could take care of myself and my son financially, and I am still very poor, I knew I would never need to be with someone for financial reasons and that if I entered into another relationship or marriage it would be with someone who enhances my life, not make it worse.

Honey, only you can bring you back to the place in your life where your happy. A good relationship is just frosting on the cake!

Consider yourself lucky- you have the rest of your life to make the right choices and your child will admire and respect you for your standing on your feet and doing what it takes to survive. You go girl and you keep that house, you make those payments, do what it takes! Good luck

Don't worry, women do the same thing. She told me she loved me one day then never spoke to me again. I do the same thing, don't eat.. smoke all the time.. chain smoke.. and honestly I wished I ended it before she did, I saw the signs as the person above mentioned honestly about a year ago.. hot showers and sitting outside on a sunny day helps.

Actually maybe you should be thankful that this happened. It may be tough to go through now, but with what happened it sounds like your better off without this person in you or your child's life. I have one word to describe people like your husband. As far as apologizing for fights why do you think it is all your fault. It takes two people to fight. So please stop apologizing and taking all the blame which you should not be taking.

The best thing for you to do is stop emailing and except that this person did something so bad it is unforgivable, who knows what happened but I am thinking he is trying to put blame on you to take away the blame from him.

I do not know for sure, but maybe he has been unfaithful. Of course, we never know the whole story and there may be more to the situation then your telling. We do not know. Just going by what you have written.

I think it is time for you to enter counseling on your own. This is very important especially now with everything happening. If costs are holding you back there is always counseling that is covered through different programs.

Hope this helps and remember to file your papers and reason for separation is abandament. Then you can try to go after him for money. The bills and accounts and the house, whose names are they under both or just one? He still has responsibility to uphold those payments.

Joe

Thank you everyone for your kind words... and they are all very valid. It's just hard to give up what I thought was... well something it obviously wasn't. It's hard... when what you believed was love from another person... was not.

Because the way he left, the things he is saying... none of that is love.
I have Tues. off work, I'm gong to get up, make a coffee, and start making some phone calls...

I don't want to... but I guess it's time...

Where...


First, sorry about your situation.

You need support, emotional, financial,etc..
Family, friends, whomever are crucial to getting over this.

No contact with your ex, except through a lawyer or a third party.
, You're justifiably too emotional right now and may not make the right decisions.

Gather all the important documents.
Credit report
Checking and Credit card account #s
Deeds, title's
Bills - electric etc...

You will need these... I' don't know what Canadian divorce law is, but you should know your legal rights.

Concentrate on yourself and your child, forget about him.




Grace and Peace

Stop all contact with him, and not to be harsh, handle your business instead of crying, as you need to see a lawyer quickly. You still have a son who depends on you.