Ask Me Help Desk - Want to marry a Navy girl

I've been with this girl for almost three years. She is definitely the love of my life. We've talked about getting married, but always said that we should get married when we both feel that it right. We both know that we do want to spend the rest of our lives together. We're both 18. We started talking about getting married before she graduated boot camp through letters and she seemed on board with everything. We wanted to get married after her training was over, but before she went to her first command. That puts us at around June of next year. We've been talking about getting married through phone calls now, and she seems excited about getting married.

The only thing is that she doesn't want to get married too young. I know getting married at 19 is young, believe me I've heard it all. But I want to get married to her. I really don't think that it is too young, and now I'm just waiting for her. I don't want to push her into anything. She says she is just trying to prepare herself now.

I want to know how to calm her and tell her everything is going to be fine. We've talked about a lot and I want this to work so bad. I told her that I would go and live with her wherever she goes and I will support her in everything. Our lives would be so much better together.

When the time is right, you'll both be on board with marriage and you'll both know it's the right time. Until then, it could look like pressure... Proceed cautiously or your intent may drive the both of you apart.

BdFoster31,

I want you to take a very deep breath and relax!

Since you have heard everything by now, which can't be true, listen hard. If you think for one glossy eyed moment that being married to a Wave is somewhat magical, you need to come back to this planet. Our Navy is for the most part uncaring about their personnels lives. When she needs , she calls and they go. There is no question, no fight, no whining.

Deployments can be short or as long as six / eight months. She may come into harms way or may not. The reason this is important for you to understand is because, your fanny is left behind to flounder on your own while she may be posted to Italy or on the opposite end of the US from you.

When we were 17, I dared my girl friend to join the Marines. When she turned 18, she did. After finishing Paris Island, she was stationed at the Washington Navy Yard, Washington, DC. Shortly after that we decided to marry and since we were both 18 we decided to elope. That was back in 1965. We are still together now 42 years later and personally while I would not change all of the days between now and then there are a few that I wished never happened.

The first four years were absolute hell as we struggled with finances and rent and food and clothes and getting along with each other and learning to fight fair and learning when not to fight and how to fight. There were plenty of good times in there also. But by the time we got to 22 we discovered that 1) We could still play well together and 2) we still wanted to be together.

At 22 our son came along and time just marched on by and here we are entering our sixties. Personally I've never met a lady that fascinates me more than my wife and I don't bother looking. I'm happy right were I am.

So can it work, yes it can. Will it work, that's up to you and your lady, but for goodness sake listen to her. If she is back peddling now, her reasons / fears are valid and deserve consideration. If she is focusing on the practical side of marriage, you have a smart lady. The day to day living is critical in the early stage of marriage. If you belittle her fears, you are already doomed. If you listen to them and find practical solutions you might be able to move her along to your side.

Good luck. I've been where you are and survived. Both Bon and I agree that we do not regret getting married, we do regret getting married at 18. We were young and dumb!

I'm not going to lie being married to somebody in the military is very hard. I'm 20 years old and just got married two months ago to my husband who is in the Navy as well. Before we got married we didn't see each other for six straight months! It was very hard! He was just deployed about a month ago and our only way of contact right now is through email and if he's lucky he can make about one phone call a week.
My advice to you is to wait till she's gone on a long deployment and see if you can really handle a long distance relationship. It really takes a strong person to be married to somebody in the military and it's not for everybody. My husband will be coming back home on January 31st and I'll be moving up to Norfolk when he comes back.
If you can really handle deployments then I say go for it. That crap of people saying that your too young.... don't listen to it. My whole family supported me when I got married and there support is what really has gotten me through these deployments. My parents got married when they were 19 years old and there still happily married. I really just think it depends on the person you are.
Good luck to the both of you!

I can understand the urge to fly down that aisle! I started dating my husband when I was 19. We were together constantly and I knew right away we would get married.

BUT I also knew I wanted to be young and accomplish things on my own. For some women (I'm sure men too) its very important to do things and prove to yourself that you can do it on your own. Not that you aren't a part of her life and always will be... just that the feeling of being young, independent and strong is a powerful force. It's a positive thing that she's being honest with you and wants to wait. I was the same way. Even though we were living together, I had to have that sense of self that you achieve (hopefully) at a young age. I put myself through college, worked hard, THEN felt the need to "settle down" and think about a husband and family. Doing this, I really felt a sense of accomplishment, which I think your girlfriend is after.

My (then boyfriend) was with me all along. When we were both ready, we tied the knot. We've been together 8.5 years, married almost 4 months.

When the time is right, it will happen. Being together can happen with or without a license so don't stress about it. Just enjoy your time together and let it happen naturally. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bdfoster31

I've been with this girl for almost three years. She is definatly the love of my life. We've talked about getting married, but always said that we should get married when we both feel that it right. We both know that we do want to spend the rest of our lives together. We're both 18. We started talking about getting married before she graduated boot camp through letters and she seemed on board with everything. We wanted to get married after her training was over, but before she went to her first command. That puts us at around June of next year. We've been talking about getting married through phone calls now, and she seems excited about getting married.

The only thing is that she doesn't want to get married too young. I know getting married at 19 is young, believe me I've heard it all. But I want to get married to her. I really don't think that it is too young, and now I'm just waiting for her. I don't want to push her into anything. She says she is just trying to prepare herself now.

I want to know how to calm her and tell her everything is going to be fine. We've talked about alot and I want this to work so bad. I told her that I would go and live with her wherever she goes and I will support her in everything. Our lives would be so much better together.

UPDATE!

Since she had been kind of uneasy about getting married, I let it go. One of the weekends that I came to see her she said that she needed to tell me something's, stuff I am not at liberty to discuss here. Basically she said because we know all about each other, she needed to tell me about herself, things she's done in the past, etc.

She told me these things, and she asked me what I thought about things she had done bad. My response was very forgiving, and we sat there and prayed over it.

Later in the weekend, she says that she needs to tell me something else. I was driving so I pulled over into a gas station. She said she was ready, but I still needed to ask her.

She doesn't know this, but I will be giving her the best Christmas ever this year. I have given her time, making sure she still wants this. I've bought the ring, and when she is home, I will propose.

We have also been talking about me moving to Chicago, which is only a 4 hour drive. I don't go to school anymore (because if I went with her wherever she went, my credits would not transfer). The question now is to move, or not to move? I would be moving in with her in March, and she leaves sometime in June or July. I really want to, she really wants me to, but is it too soon?