Hey
Im new to this so I might not be able to get the hang of it.

I've been seeing a married man for a yesr in October. We have grown very attached to each other emotionally and always longing for the time when his wife goes out.Hes always told me he would never leave her.I have to respect that.
I ask myself this. Does he love me as much as he says he does?
He has a daughter that is 3 I know that is the reson he won't leave his wife. As she knows me.And she will not let him see his daughter.

I have a son called Kammron he's 19months old. I am really stuck on what to do.

Hes away for the next four days to london. I really understand where he's coming from. But does he love me or is he using me?

There is a big age gap in our relationship but to us it doesn't matter.

Please help xxxxxxx

Bare with me, I'm not great at this advice on seeing others whom are already "taken" persay. I personally would say he's using you even though he may love you. I don't know the whole story, or the relationship - but he has already told you he won't leave his wife, which is understandable - but shouldn't be understood from you. THOUGH even if he were to leave his wife and be with you... would you want a man that left his wife for you, knowing his pattern he could do the same to you in return. I'm sure you're a great girl, obviously you've captured his attention, spread your horizons, and take a stroll trying to catch someone who's willing to focus all his time on you.You deserve it, and his wife deserves honesty and loyalty from her husband.

GOOD LUCK!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Natalie loves Kammron

Hey
Im new to this so I might not be able to get the hang of it.

Iv been seeing a married man for a yesr in october. We have grown very attached to each other emotionally and always longing for the time when his wife goes out.Hes always told me he would never leave her.I have to respect that.
I ask my self this. Does he love me as much as he says he does?
He has a daughter that is 3 I knw that is the reson he wont leave his wife. As she knows me.And she will not let him see his daugher.

I have a son called Kammron hes 19months old. I am really stuck on wat to do.

Hes away for the next four days to london. I really understand where hes coming from. But does he love me or is he using me?

There is a big age gap in our relationship but to us it doesnt matter.

Please help xxxxxxx

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He needs to make a decision. Is he happy in his current marriage? Does he speak positively of his wife or does he hate her and can't stand being with her?

If he speaks positively... you are being used.

If he can't stand her... there is hope. But staying in a negative relationship for the sake of a three year old is senseless. The child will not remember any of this when they get older. But staying in a negative relationship will screw the kids up for life.

As far as his wife not letting him see the child if the get divorced... he has a legal right to see the child.

Thanks for that. Yeah Ino in my heart that I should walk away, I have tried it many a time. I spoke to a friend of mine and she said the same as you did basically. That its not worth losing my family over because. If he's capable of cheating he will do it again my friends moto. "once a cheater always one" I suppose in a context I understand that.

We have had moments where his wife has almost found out however we have managed to get out of it. So worst is she already suspects.

Thanks for that advice greig!

Hes always arguing with her about something. I lv quite close to him. And I sometimes speak to him on msn and he slags her off and everything. But then I don't know if he's putting a front on for me.
He has said to me before I need to stay with her for the sake of ashleigh (his daughter)
Maybe if we sit down and decide. I have had enough of being played. He either wants me or he doesn't :S

In my opinion in a situation where a married person is cheating there is no real love there its merely infatuation, lust or obsession. The only person this man loves is himself. He does not really care for his wife if he did why would he cheat on her? He does not really love you because if he did he would not want to involve you in his mess and his drama.

The situation is going to play out as such. If you issue him an ultimatium he will feed you what you want to hear to keep you happy so he can keep sharing your bed. You have to decide that a year of being used is enough and that its time to build up yourself esteem and self worth and walk away. You deserve someone who is available to you and only you not someone who is otherwise invested.

Hey thanks to everyone who has commented on my post. I agree with them all. This guy has played a big part in my life and I think when he comes back from london I will finish it. Love isn't love if he is with someone else.
Everyone has been so honest and kind. So thank you..

Keep them coming.. Helping me bring myself to finish it with him..
Love you all xxxx

You are right, love isn't love if he's with someone else, but also remember, he's married, you're the one in a one sided love affair. He may say he loves you, but most likely as GlindaofOz said... hes going to tell you what you want to hear to keep sharing your bed. I wish you the best of luck. Stick up for yourself, no one deserves being used.

.. Wen she was close to finding out. He blamed it all on me. I had a go at him as you can imagine. It was just so he wouldn't get chucked out and I was made to look the baddie. I will never be able to forgive him.

However no matter how clear the evidence that he has had a role to play in this I think I will always get the blame.

To be honest I don't car if she doesn't believe me. She is in denial and one day (maybe she already has) she will realise he is not worth it and that he has been playing her!

Im young (still in my teens (late)) My friends say that he should know better through his own general knowledge. He should have walked away the day I told him how I felt but he lingered on.

Maybe I am beteer off without him.. Howeever I feel sorry for her if all she sees is good in him!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Natalie loves Kammron

Hey
Im new to this so I might not be able to get the hang of it.

Iv been seeing a married man for a yesr in october. We have grown very attached to each other emotionally and always longing for the time when his wife goes out.Hes always told me he would never leave her.I have to respect that.
I ask my self this. Does he love me as much as he says he does?
He has a daughter that is 3 I knw that is the reson he wont leave his wife. As she knows me.And she will not let him see his daugher.

I have a son called Kammron hes 19months old. I am really stuck on wat to do.

Hes away for the next four days to london. I really understand where hes coming from. But does he love me or is he using me?

There is a big age gap in our relationship but to us it doesnt matter.

Please help xxxxxxx

---

Truthfully I think you are and always will be his bit on the side. I don't think he loves you as much as his wife you can't love more that 1 person at a time if I was you id get rid and find someone who just wants you and no one else he is stringing you along and I don't think its fare on his wife and kids. He feels committed to his wife cause they have a past and a future together with there kids. Take my advice get rid cause you'll just get hurt take it from me

Thank you. Yes I understand where you are coming from. The truth hurts, But thanks for being so honest to me. I have been beeting about the bush to do this for months, just have to carry it through! So thank you x

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Natalie loves Kammron

Hey
Im new to this so I might not be able to get the hang of it.

Iv been seeing a married man for a yesr in october. We have grown very attached to each other emotionally and always longing for the time when his wife goes out.Hes always told me he would never leave her.I have to respect that.
I ask my self this. Does he love me as much as he says he does?
He has a daughter that is 3 I knw that is the reson he wont leave his wife. As she knows me.And she will not let him see his daugher.

I have a son called Kammron hes 19months old. I am really stuck on wat to do.

Hes away for the next four days to london. I really understand where hes coming from. But does he love me or is he using me?

There is a big age gap in our relationship but to us it doesnt matter.

Please help xxxxxxx

---

He is being honest with you by saying he won't leave his wife. Being with a married man is poison. You will always be second. He is being deceitful and lying to you and his wife. Get out whiile you can. If it was that bad at home he would leave.

Thank you!
Urgh y do we always fall for the wrong men!:D

Natalie - You say you're in you late teens - you've got your whole life ahead of you, don't start settling for less than you deserve now - or ever, it would be a terrible way to start the best years of your life. Good Luck - again! :)

Natalie,
May I ask how old are you? Then the next question is "What do you want out of a relationship and life?". That question right there might help you in your quest on what you should do. You have become the "other" person which is never a good idea. Your at terms with your situation which is not good for you or your child... look at what happiness you would have if you were with someone that was available to you anytime you needed them. Not when they can sneak around...

As for him loving you... I'm sure he does at some level. It just that he is not "in love" with you or your situation would be much better. I would walk away, let him know that he doesn't have what you are looking for in a complete relationship. Spend that time working on yourself and healing. Only then is when you will find that healthy relationship that you so deserve. I'm certain that he will understand...

I hope this helps :)

Thank you.. I am 24 years younger than him.. Hes very possessive, I live near him you see and when I go out with my son,friends,family,guys etc he sees and asks me everything about it.. he will do anything go to the lengths of the world and back to make sure I don't leave him. He's very posessive and won't let me go out. He's always checking up on me.

Out of a relationship, honesty (Im on rong grounds there since our "relationship is based on lies"), love, commitment (hes not able to give me)happiness, laughter..
Etc

Thank you.. You have made me realise that he can't give me any of these (fully, some he cnt give me at all)

Your really good at this advice xx

Natalie,
Your welcome... see you had the answers all of the time. Now is the time to set those values into motion. You will find that special someone... it will happen in time. You just have to believe it will. A possessive relationship that does not have a happy ending is not what you deserve, which is exactly what your in right now. Your way better than that!

Keep us posted :)

I think maybe you should try walking in his wife shoes. I mean, someday most likely you will be married, just imagine if you were his wife right now, the one that is being cheated on. I know you probably don't care about her so much, but I personally wouldn't want to be the "other" woman coming between them in their relationship, it just isn't right. I know that he is a dog for cheating on her, but I wouldn't want to be his "partner" in crime so to speak. Understand? You not only deserve better, but why do that to someone's wife. Would you want some single girl who has nothing to loose do it to you if the tables were turned?

Hi am in the same situation that its been going on for a year & like you going to finish it .let's stick together on this & be strong girl power.

This person asked the question in 2007 and has never been back. I don't think "girl power" will happen.