So, once again I am in dire need of help.

So my girlfriend was hanging out yesterday and was in my bed, she had her eyes closed and was just resting. I didn't know she was fast asleep and I was just laying there rubbing her stomach and legs and she likes when I rub her on her lower gut right where there would be pubic hair (she's clean there). She was all smiling and such so I thought she was awake and pretending to be asleep because sometimes she does that and I gently put a finger in her (we've been having sex for a long time) and finger her and she was still smiling, then I guess she woke up. Stormed out and wouldn't just talk to me. I was trying to stop her and talk to her and she wouldn't listen to me and sped off. I went to her house later and she basically through me out and that was at about 8pm. She hasn't replied to my calls or tried to talk to me about this until about 45 minutes ago (around 2pm) and doesn't want to talk to me, and is mad at me and doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore after we were doing fine.

I told her that I know what I did was wrong, but that I thought she was awake and that if I knew she was seriously sleeping that I would never EVER do anything to disrespect her like that. I have never done anything to hurt her and I've always tried to be the best boyfriend I can. I love this girl with all of my heart and I'm afraid I've just lost her. I've apologized to her a million times and I know it was stupid of me to keep calling her and trying to fix the problem especially since when she doesn't want to talk to someone, you can't force her and she just gets more mad. I wasn't thinking and I acted wrongly.

I think it would be a different situation if we had never had sex or anything and I knew she was asleep. But I really thought she was playing and awake.

I'm so upset and I have to see her at 6pm for class.

What do I do? How should I handle the situation? I don't want to lose her and we've been through a lot together.

Please, I need your help.

You've apologized to her. Given the circumstances I think you've been reasonable. If she's going to be that stubborn and unforgiving then maybe you need to rethink this relationship. I'd leave her alone for a while and give her some time to herself, to think things over. Meanwhile, you may find that this really wasn't meant to be after all. If not, then you're going to have to eventually insist that she take a stand one way or the other as she cannot keep you in limbo indefinitely.

Sounds like you have been going with her for a while, if that's the case, she is just using what you did as an excuse to dump you. Try to find out if there is someone else.

That's a very surprising story.. it almost sounds as though she was molested, because of the way she overreacted to what you did. Do you live in the US or in another country.

Ive never heard of anyone overreacting like this. Its definitely an outrageous reaction to have. Maybe something else is going on. Are you saying you are still in high school. Sometimes its hard to tell how old people are because they never mention it here. :)

I don't think she's using it as an excuse, she and I have both been cheated on and we both decided that if there ever was someone else. We would talk about it and decide what to do. But we would never cheat on each other. I think she is being ridiculous though. What I don't understand is that we've been together over a year and a half, and we've had sex for about a year now. And now she feels like I took advantage of her? I seriously have never lied to her and I told her that. I asked her "why would I lie to you?" and she said "to cover your " and I said to her that she can still be mad at me afterwards, but why would I go and admit that I made a mistake and tell her what had happened in my view if I was trying to cover my . She then said that she was not smiling or moaning or whatever because she "knows how she sleeps." If I'm not mistaken, a lot of people smile, talk, and do things while they are asleep. She seriously was smiling and I didn't finger her or anything and was just massaging her, and literally like 15 seconds after I started she woke up and got all pissed.

She then said how she felt sick to her stomach the whole night (why I don't know, because I don't feel this is a big of a deal as it seems to her) and that she wanted to take like 5 showers.

I think she might be looking for an excuse because she knows she looks stupid right now.

I really care about this girl, I want to be with her.

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Originally Posted by cerulean

Thats a very surprising story.. it almost sounds as though she was molested, because of the way she overreacted to what you did. Do you live in the US or in another country.

Ive never heard of anyone overreacting like this. Its definitely an outrageous reaction to have. Maybe something else is going on. Are you saying you are still in high school. Sometimes its hard to tell how old people are because they never mention it here. :)

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We are both sophomores in college, (both 19) we are in the U.S. I took her virginity, and I would never molest her or do anything like that. I made a simple mistake in judgement and she is acting completely immature.

I made my apology, and I made a damn good one too.

I don't get it. Why was she so upset? Isn't that what long-time lovers do, touch each other whether awake or asleep? In fact, isn't that how a lover (male or female) gently wakes up the other for lovemaking?

Give her time and space for a bit. I wonder what she will say to you to explain her anger.

Well it sounds like she has issues with personal space and control, and almost all people do. Ive also seen many people smile in their sleep so I know its done.. anytime you're having a dream you can make you smile, or you hear a joke in your mind while sleeping, can make you smile.. Ive felt myself smile in my sleep right before I woke up.

Well it sounds like she feels as though someone took advantage of her and exerted control over her. Sounds like in no way would she want to be controlled. It still sounds though that she's been touched by someone else at one point.

Maybe she should film herself when she sleeps to see if she smiles or not, although not wouldn't be the time! Lol

She will have to get over this experience and that takes time. The best best is to avoid her because you've explained everything.

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Originally Posted by Kevin_s

I don't think she's using it as an excuse, she and I have both been cheated on and we both decided that if there ever was someone else. We would talk about it and decide what to do. But we would never cheat on each other. I think she is being ridiculous though. What I don't understand is that we've been together over a year and a half, and we've had sex for about a year now. And now she feels like I took advantage of her? I seriously have never lied to her and I told her that. I asked her "why would I lie to you?" and she said "to cover your " and I said to her that she can still be mad at me afterwards, but why would I go and admit that I made a mistake and tell her what had happened in my view if I was trying to cover my . She then said that she was not smiling or moaning or whatever because she "knows how she sleeps." If I'm not mistaken, a lot of people smile, talk, and do things while they are asleep. She seriously was smiling and I didn't finger her or anything and was just massaging her, and literally like 15 seconds after I started she woke up and got all pissed.

She then said how she felt sick to her stomach the whole night (why I don't know, because I don't feel this is a big of a deal as it seems to her) and that she wanted to take like 5 showers.

I think she might be looking for an excuse because she knows she looks stupid right now.

I really care about this girl, I want to be with her.

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A previous boyfriend tried to take advantage of her before. She was still a virgin, and he like laid up naked next to her and tried to finger her. I'm her first real relationship, she doesn't show emotion well and she has the "i can do everything myself" attitude. She tries to be a tough girl. She doesn't make sense to me right now. Regardless of what happened, at least I tried to show her that I am sorry for hurting her feelings and that I will never do that again. I told her that I loved her and I never meant to hurt her feelings like that.

Then you have done all that's required in this situation. Now it's her turn.

Try the other approach, she may have been abused, just talk with her, ask her why it makes her angry, tell her you love her and you want to understand. She may open up and tell you

I've tried that. Right now she just doesn't want to talk to me. She said so herself, and she said the only reason why she called is because I've called her a bunch of times trying to talk to her. If I go to her house to try to talk to her, she'll throw me out again because she feels "disgusted" which I don't know why.

OK, it's hard but leave her for a day if you love her that much, send her the biggest bunch of flowers with a card wait to see if she calls, then start over.

I don't know if I should just be up front with her about her being ridiculous and that we've been together for almost 2 years now and that she should know me better than that. Or if I should just try to show her how sorry I am and assure her it would never happen again.

I have that feeling that she's going to take this out on me for a while and never forget it. I don't know what to do anymore.

I hate this crap heh.

Depends, do you act the way you have just written, or are you a bit more sensitive.
If you act with her the way you have written then yes you should. But if you are sensitive with her no.
Still sounds like she was abused or she is using it to finish with you, either way you have to find out.

I tend to be more sensitive. I think I might just order her a big bouquet with a little poem on the card to show her that I am sorry for this. If she still doesn't want to call me. Then I just wasted like $50.00 oh well.

Then you call her, at the end of the day you did nothing wrong and you need conclusion as to what exactly happened and why.

I can't call her, she won't answer the phone. She's literally ignored me since 9pm last night.

Don't overdo the calling just give her time to cool down. Try thre flowers before you call again.

I'll just order some flowers to be sent to her tomorrow and have a little I'm sorry poem on the card and leave the rest to her.