OK the guy I am dating now... the one I've posted a lot about... he offered to end our relationship last night.
What happened was that the guy I dated before him... *david... and me are friends, and my boyfriend HATES it. Me and david talk in the hallway between classes, and we've talked on the phone a couple of times. My boyfriend told me that he didn't trust david, but I told him that he had nothing to worry about. Well, david still likes me... and he's always bringing stuff up about our past relationship. I've told my boyfriend some of the things david has said... because I thot he would want to know and I'm not trying to hide anything from him... and he gets upset. So I haven't really been telling him much about david here lately. Well last night we were talking and he asked me, out of no where, if mine and davids friendship was worth me and him arguing over all the time. And I said yes. I wasn't going to lie to him, and I love the fact that me and david are still friends. I love talking to him. I've made it perfectly clear that I have NO feelings for david, even is he does have some for me.
We argued about it ALL night last night. He told me to choose between david or him. I got 2hours of sleep.
And this morning he took me to school. But the whole time at my house and on the way there, we didn't say a word to each other. Not one. As I was getting out of the car, he said, "Wait for a second. I am so sorry. I hate myself right now and I'm sorry." Then I texted him about an hour ago, and he told me that either I stop talking to david, or me and him(my bf) could just be friends and I could still talk to david. I told him that I didn't think it was right that he was worrying over nothing and he shuldnt be telling me who I can or can't hang out with. But in the end I told him that I would stop talking to david.
Did I handle this completely wrong??
What should I doooooo??

You can't let someone control you, but at the same time you have to be honest with yourself. Is it really over with david? If it were you wouldn't be talking to him every chance you got.

You shouldn't be talking to David if he has feeling for you. It sounds like you are in High School, and in High School, you basic guy mentality is, she is smiling at me, she likes me. So you talking to him gives him hope that you will get back together. That is wrong to do to him, also, it's a double wammy because your boyfriend (who is obviously insecure) feels less important and emotionally cheated on (why talk to david, when you can talk to me!) Your problem's simplest solution is to take David out of the picture. If you do take that course, you can't even give the slightest hint that he won by throwing a hissy fit. It is YOUR decision based on logic, not his infantile tantrums.

Ultimately you need to decide that for yourself. Obviously your boyfriend isn't comfortable about your friendship with David, even though you've assured him that he has nothing to worry about. So now you're in a position to decide whether your current boyfriend is worth ending your friendship with David over. One thing you ought to weigh is how long will your current relationship last and is it worth losing a friend over, possibly for life? As young as you are it's not likely that you will end up married to each other or even staying together for a significantly long time. That's worth always keeping in the back of your mind when considering decisions such as this.

Okay, so last night, he brought it up and all he said was that he hated himself and hated doing that to me. Does that mean he's over it?

Some guys won't care who you talk with. Others might have a problem with that. Some feel great knowing other men are interested in their partner while other men hate the thought. Some like coffee others like Coke and on and on and on. Your not hear to change others nor are they here to change you but most of us find compromise to be very valuable as long as we don't bite off more than we can chew. So he's not here to change you and same for you but compromise can be an option if you are capable of it and then make a non emotional choice to do so. Good luck.

To be hounest it kind of sounds like your giving this David guy false hope of you guys getting back together. And as for you boyfriend, I kind of see where he's coming from, even though you say that nothings going on between you and david, its not going to stop your boyfriend from thinking there is every time you guys have an argument or something.
But to be fair to you, your boyfriend shoudn't be telling you can and can't sdpeak to.
Some girls secretly enjoy knowing that there BF is jelous of another guy...

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Originally Posted by Zell

To be hounest it kinda sounds like your giving this David guy false hope of you guys getting back together. And as for you boyfriend, i kinda see where hes coming from, even though you say that nothings going on between you and david, its not gonna stop your bf from thinking there is every time you guys have an argument or somthing.
But to be fair to you, your bf shoudn't be telling you can and can't sdpeak to.
Some girls secretly enjoy knowing that there BF is jelous of another guy...

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The last thing I want in our relationship is jealousy, no matter how much it boosts myself esteem or ego. I just want him to understand that me and david have nothing going on.

Is it a horrible thing to break off a pretty strong friendship for someone else just because they're jealous? Or am I really sticking up for david too much?

And I promise you, I have done nothing to lead david on. He knows I have zero intentions on ever dating him again. I thought he was fine being only friends, but it's not turning out so well...

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Originally Posted by mahal_kita9

the last thing i want in our relationship is jealousy, no matter how much it boosts my self esteem or ego. i just want him to understand that me and david have nothing going on.

is it a horrible thing to break off a pretty strong friendship for someone else just because they're jealous? or am i really sticking up for david too much?

and i promise you, i have done nothing to lead david on. he knows i have zero intentions on ever dating him again. i thought he was fine being only friends, but it's not turning out so well...

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You know its over with David, but does David think that way honestly, and besides the fact you dated him before makes it look double bad for your current boyfriend.

Talking with someone of the opposite sex is one thing... talking with someone you once dated is another. Would you freak if he was so chummy with an ex-girlfriend?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You know its over with David, but does David think that way honestly, and besides the fact you dated him before makes it look double bad for your current boyfriend.

Talking with someone of the opposite sex is one thing...talking with someone you once dated is another. Would you freak if he was so chummy with an ex-girlfriend?

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David knows that its over. I have not been the only one to tell him that. And yes, I would be mad if my boyfriend spoke with an ex, id be mad for a while... but if he explained the whole situation to me, like I have him, and if he told me every time he spoke to her so I wouldn't be suspicious, like I do him, then I would not make a big deal out of anything. I might be a little worried, but not to the point where I would create a fight.

He never really brings it up anymore... he hasn't asked me if I've talked to david or not. So I think ill just let this go and kind of act like it never happened.

Nice user name by the way. Tagalog for "I love you."

Its good that you have been honest with him about your contact with your "ex". But your boyfriend is probably wondering why you would want to still hold on to the friendship with David.

Age has a lot to play with this too. As you get older you have the tools to deal with situations like this.

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Originally Posted by mahal_kita9

ok the guy i am dating now...the one ive posted a lot about....he offered to end our relationship last night.
wat happened was that the guy i dated before him...*david... and me are friends, and my bf HATES it. me and david talk in the hallway between classes, and we've talked on the phone a couple of times. my bf told me that he didnt trust david, but i told him that he had nothing to worry about. well, david still likes me...and he's always bringing stuff up about our past relationship. ive told my bf some of the things david has said...because i thot he would want to kno and im not trying to hide anything from him...and he gets upset. so i havent really been telling him much about david here lately. well last night we were talking and he asked me, out of no where, if mine and davids friendship was worth me and him arguing over all the time. and i said yes. i wasnt going to lie to him, and i love the fact that me and david are still friends. i love talking to him. ive made it perfectly clear that i have NO feelings for david, even is he does have some for me.
we argued about it ALL night last night. he told me to choose between david or him. i got 2hours of sleep.
and this morning he took me to school. but the whole time at my house and on the way there, we didnt say a word to each other. not one. as i was getting out of the car, he said, "Wait for a second. I am so sorry. I hate myself right now and I'm sorry." Then I texted him about an hour ago, and he told me that either I stop talking to david, or me and him(my bf) could just be friends and i could still talk to david. i told him that i didnt think it was right that he was worrying over nothing and he shuldnt be telling me who i can or can't hang out with. but in the end i told him that i would stop talking to david.
did i handle this completely wrong???
what should i doooooo????

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Maybe your boyfriend isn't worth talking to if he makes you chose between a friend, and him. When in doubt, always choose the friend. Your boyfriend is not in it for your best interest, he is in it for control over you, and for you to alienate all that are close to you. Get out while you still can.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Nice user name by the way. Tagalog for "I love you."

Its good that you have been honest with him about your contact with your "ex". But your bf is probably wondering why you would want to still hold on to the friendship with David.

Age has a lot to play with this too. As you get older you have the tools to deal with situations like this.

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David has always been my friend. He's the type of person that I absolutely love talking to.
Too bad my boyfriend can't understand this.
And yeah, while I wish to stay 15 forever, I also wish I could grow a few years so I can see things from my bf's perspective.

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Originally Posted by pamtang

maybe your bf isn't worth talking to if he makes you chose between a friend, and him. When in doubt, always choose the friend. your bf is not in it for your best interest, he is in it for control over you, and for you to alienate all that are close to you. get out while you still can.

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This is something that has run through my mind multiple times, and it scares me more and more each time. While I love them both (in totally different ways, in case I haven't emphasized that enough) I couldn't stand losing either. Which is why this sucks so much.

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Originally Posted by mahal_kita9

David knows that its over. I have not been the only one to tell him that. And yes, i would be mad if my bf spoke with an ex, id be mad for a while...but if he explained the whole situation to me, like i have him, and if he told me everytime he spoke to her so i wouldnt be suspicious, like i do him, then i would not make a big deal out of anything. i might be a little worried, but not to the point where i would create a fight.

he never really brings it up anymore... he hasnt asked me if ive talked to david or not. so i think ill just let this go and kind of act like it never happened.

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I've found it's a good way to look at something if its even remotely acceptable or not. By reversing the roles and how would you feel if the roles were reversed.. Like you stated. While you thought nothing of it knowing it was over it might not have looked that way to your boyfriend. Just as if he was talking with an ex that he knows is over but you would wonder since they were once intimate.

Good rule for most people to follow when one isn't sure. Its amazing how many people never consider or have even thought about how they would feel if the situation was reversed.