I don't know if this counts as writing to some or not but I worte these lyrics and I would like:

1) constructive criticism
2) ideas for the ending

Thank you for your helpa and here are the lyrics.

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
and your trying to decide

between

your two lives"

OK here's where I am having trouble. I at first had popularity and close friends but I want something more than that like different choices instead of the big one. Again thanks for all your help.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pikachufannumber1

i dont know if this counts as writing to some or not but i worte these lyrics and i would like:

1) constructive criticism
2) ideas for the ending

thank you for your helpa nd here are the lyrics.

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
and your trying to decide

between

your two lives"

ok heres where i am having trouble. i at first had popularity and close friends but i want something more than that like different choices instead of the big one. again thanks for all your help.

---

What do you think of this?

"you're being pulled away
ive tried to let you know
but everytime i try to say
you just walk away and go
i try to get you alone

to tell you

i feel as though ive lost you
i dont want you to go
and i just want you back
if only you knew
that im tryin to rescue

the old you
that's trapped inside
but i know
that its still there
while you're trying to decide

between

the old and new"

Just my opinion hon, but this is poetry! I write (when I was writing) my poetry pretty much the same way. Once, someone even commented that one of my poems would make great lyrics for a song. I'm sure there's a difference, but for me that difference seems to blur when it comes to categorizing what's what as I have heard some beautiful poetry in the words of a song. Example: "There's no where unless you're there!" Those words came from the theme song from the "Robin Hood" movie starring Kevin Costner (the name of the song eludes me now), but WOW what a phrase!! Beautiful! If that's not poetry I don't know what is! So don't be disappointed that I called your lyrics a poem. I meant it as a compliment. I liked it! Keep writing!

That's good but I was thinking more along the lines as I may have said of popularity and close friends. But then I didn't wan tto put that because I wanted an ending verse rather than ending words. But I couldn't think of anything. Got any ideas? They don't even have to ryme but I really need some to finish this off. Oh and in my opinion poems have a clear rhythm and stanza form whereas lyrics usually don't. Like mine I believe I go from a-b-c-a to a-b-a-b to a-a at the end of a stanza. But that's just my opinion.