My 16 year old(soon to be 17)who has always been a well-behaved, nice young man until this past summer, has begun using marijuana and was arrested recently for possession. He has been hanging around with some 18-20 yr olds in addition to his high school friends. Of course, I don't like him being around the older guys, since his whole attitude and behavior has changed. But, no one can tell me how are you supposed to keep him away from the bad influences of these guys. He has given up his hobbies and shows no interest in school activities. There have been a few other incidents this summer(not involving the police, thank God)that I have tried to dicipline him about. I have tried talking to him, grounding, taking away his cell phone, and generally taking away privileges. He has walked out of the house twice when we have gotten into arguments and stayed out all night. Now his English teacher called and said that he comes to class unprepared and told me she is worried about him, too, since he has always been a good student. He doesn't seem to care about anything, even when I told him that since he has shown irresponsible behavior by being disrespectful to me, and using marijuana that I will not let him take his drivers test in a few weeks. His dad has had no contact for 10 years with any of our children. His 2 older brothers are doing well and have never given me a problem. I feel like I have failed as a mom. Is there anything that I can do to get through to him before it gets even worse? How can I get him to stop hanging out with the older ones?

They are adults he is not. I think it would be against the law if they saw him against your wishes. Tell him you will file charges on them for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Tell him that you need his help. You've found a counselor (and be sure to have one in mind) and plan to make an appointment very soon. The counseling is for you, and its purpose will be to help you figure out how to deal with his behavior and perhaps even to begin to let go. Talk this up with smiles and with enthusiasm, as something he certainly will want to be part of, to get you "straightened out". Tell him you want him to go with you for the first three times so the counselor can meet both of you and hear both sides of the story (two of the visits) before he/she can begin to deal with you.

If his bad behavior began only very recently, since summer began, this tactic has a chance of working. Clue in the counselor before the first meeting.

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Originally Posted by seastar

My 16 year old(soon to be 17)who has always been a well-behaved, nice young man until this past summer, has begun using marijuana and was arrested recently for possession. He has been hanging around with some 18-20 yr olds in addition to his high school friends. Of course, I don't like him being around the older guys, since his whole attitude and behavior has changed. But, no one can tell me how are you supposed to keep him away from the bad influences of these guys. He has given up his hobbies and shows no interest in school activities. There have been a few other incidents this summer(not involving the police, thank God)that I have tried to dicipline him about. I have tried talking to him, grounding, taking away his cell phone, and generally taking away privileges. He has walked out of the house twice when we have gotten into arguments and stayed out all night. Now his English teacher called and said that he comes to class unprepared and told me she is worried about him, too, since he has always been a good student. He doesn't seem to care about anything, even when I told him that since he has shown irresponsible behavior by being disrespectful to me, and using marijuana that I will not let him take his drivers test in a few weeks. His dad has had no contact for 10 years with any of our children. His 2 older brothers are doing well and have never given me a problem. I feel like I have failed as a mom. Is there anything that I can do to get through to him before it gets even worse? How can I get him to stop hanging out with the older ones?

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Hey!

I am young so I may see where your son is coming from. However I hve a son so I understand about you feeling you have failed him as a mum!
First thing is first. Never think that okii. You will just get yourself down and that doesn't help getting your son away from these bad influences!

Peer pressure, Rebelling against what is right, Pushing you as far as he can, The fact his dad is not in his life as a role model. Could be reasons that he's starting mixing with the "wrong groups"

Puberty the feeling of wow! What mum expects of me..

Try to sit him down. Be patient as it may take a while for him to open up!

Just empathise with him and don't jump down his throat. It may take time!

Love xxx