So, I have a pretty good relationship with my bpyfriend. We've been together for a little over 4 years, lived together almost as long. We have a 2 year old son and so far things have been pretty good, general ups and downs, but overall good. A few years ago (pre-baby) actually while I was preganant, I thought he was cheating on me. He swore he wasn't, of course. Eventually he confessed everything and told me he cheated on me not with the girl I thought it was with, but her cousin. We cried, talked about it and decided with what our future was holding, we need to try to make it work. Fast forward almost 3 years later, things have been good by the way us since the insident. He has a stupid Myspace page - which he knows I hate but when he got it, he promised it was only for friends. Everything was fine until recently, I found an email address to a girl (same name as the girl I "thought" he cheated on me with 3 years b4) I confronted him about it and he told me it was some girl we went to high school together and they bumped into each other and she gave him her email so they can be friends on myspace. He says its not the same girl, just happens to have the same name. Anyway, its consumed my mind ever since. I cheated his and her myspace page and they are "friends" and she wrote him a comment saying "hello friend" but - - - I also noticed he changed his status form in a relationship to single - I was furious and confronted him about it, he was angry and said he did that to see if I was snopping around on his page (so what!) he hasn't been out at night, or making weird phone calls or any of those other signs of cheating... he insits I'm paranoid and am trying to make something out of nothing - but I think at the end of the day that's his fault for what he did to me in the past. I know - - - u should be with some2 you can't trust, but at the end of the day, its not that easy. Thing were fine, and 1 little incident changed everything and there is so much invovled in us breaking up over me not completely trusting. I mean we have a home and a child together.

Bottom line - is this all in my head or am I a fool?

You are not a fool. He is acting like an adolescent jerk. Why is he on myspace at all, if he already has a relationship and a family to think of. Sorry you can't trust him. He has not earned it.

Argh all these social networking sites add stress to relationships. Why not give it to him straight, ask him to be quiet and say how you feel, ask him to see things from your point of view. Then leave him to it. More pressure = more pulling.

If he doesn't respect you as a partner you really should be thinking about removing him from your life.

Thank for your help... I understand he's playing games... I just don't want to regret throwing away the person I share my world with over a myspace page For the guys out there, is it possible to want to flirt and know your still wanted with out actually cheating... if I let it go and tell myself it's a phase, he needs to know he's still wanted, hell get over it without cheating, or is it impossible?

I don't want to let it happen to me again!

I am in a similar situation but from the other end - my boyfriend split up with me over Facebook after having also had problems with me having a myspace. I was using both perfectly innocently, but my boyfriend bottled up his feelings about them until they became so much biggger in his head. I would calmly sit and tell him how they make you FEEL, without any accusations or assumptions. If he can fully understand that they're upsetting you then you can have a rational conversation. If he just is left to think that you're jealous of one girl, he's going to go on the defensive and will not realise the full implcations of how his status etc is left making you feel inside. Good luck, and don't let him walk all over you... relationships are all about compromise - that's what I've learnt, but too late unfortunately.

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Originally Posted by nicolaa

So, i have a pretty good relationship with my bpyfriend. weve been together for a little over 4 years, lived together almost as long. we have a 2 year old son and so far things have been pretty good, general ups and downs, but overall good. A few years ago (pre-baby) actually while i was preganant, i thought he was cheating on me. he swore he wasnt, of course. eventually he confessed everything and told me he cheated on me not with the girl i thought it was with, but her cousin. we cried, talked about it and decided with what our future was holding, we need to try to make it work. fast forward almost 3 years later, things have been good btw us since the insident. He has a stupid Myspace page - which he knows i hate but when he got it, he promised it was only for friends. everything was fine until recently, i found an email address to a girl (same name as the girl i "thought" he cheated on me with 3 years b4) i confronted him about it and he told me it was some girl we went to highschool together and they bumped into eachother and she gave him her email so they can be freinds on myspace. he says its not the same girl, just happens to have the same name. anyway, its consumed my mind ever since. I cheated his and her myspace page and they are "friends" and she wrote him a comment saying "hello friend" but - - - i also noticed he changed his status form in a relationship to single - i was furious and confronted him about it, he was angry and said he did that to see if i was snopping around on his page (so what!) he hasnt been out at night, or making weird phone calls or any of those other signs of cheating...he insits im paranoid and am trying to amke something out of nothing - but i think at the end of the day thats his fault for what he did to me in the past. i know - - - u should be with some2 you can't trust, but at the end of the day, its not that easy. thing were fine, and 1 little incident changed everything and there is so much invovled in us breaking up over me not completely trusting. i mean we have a home and a child together.

bottom line - is this all in my head or am i a fool?

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I understna d what you are saying. My boyfriend has a myspace page, and some of the comments girls leave him, and he leaves girls I find inappropriate. Bottom line is it is myspace, if he is with you all the time, and loves you try to stay away from myspace, because you know what they say when you go snooping for stuff, you always find what you don't want to. I think you just need to trust in your love for one another, and your relationship. I know it's hard, but hang in there.

Thanks again to all for the advise... but I have an update... like I said, since this has consumed my head recently, I did some more diggin (which just ends up hurting me) but the girl in question, is in fact the girl I thought it was from a few years back. He tried to convince me it was a different girl, just the same name. From what he told me before, he didn't cheat on me with her, but her cousin... and I saw her page too. He's not friends with the cousin, but damn... it hurts to see who you got played for...
I'm sooo heart broken, I know he lied to me because he knew I would we upset if it was the same girl - - - who is his connection to the one he cheated on me with, but I still don't think its OK... I'm so upset I just want to walk away from everything with him... but there were no "too" inappropriate comments left by him... so I know nothings going on... its just stirring up all the feeling I had from years ago when he did cheat on me.

Sorry for venting, all in all... does he get a pass or am I totally overeacting?

I'd say talk to him. Communication is always key. If it comes to you saying I'm thinking of leaving you because of this' than so be it, he has to know the depth of how this is making you feel... only then will he have a chance at putting this right.

Your getting way too many "red flags" here, cut and run. Is someone worth all of this pain and suffering that your going through right now, just to go through it again? I would move on, he clearly needs to mature and respect a relationship. Your doing all of the work here, he's having fun while you are consumed with pain. Let him go! NOW!

Looks like he is bored and looking for excitement. Time for the both of you to spice your lives up I think.