Did you always get butterflies? Around him?

No. Butterflies come and go... and sometimes they're gone a lot more than they are there... That's a pretty vast misconception about relationships... people think that just because they don't feel those same fireworks as when they had that first kiss... but after a while you begin to realize that that feeling doesn't match what you have in the relationship you've worked so hard to achieve - a close friendship. Someone you trust, and admire.

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Originally Posted by Leidenschaftlich für Wahr

No. Butterflies come and go... and sometimes theyre gone alot more than they are there... Thats a pretty vast misconception about relationships... people think that just because they dont feel those same fireworks as when they had that first kiss... but after a while you begin to realize that that feeling doesnt match what you have in the relationship youve worked so hard to achieve - a close friendship. Someone you trust, and admire.

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Yah but what if you never had butterflies/fireworks at all things just worked out?
Is that a bad thing do you think?

I knew my husband for a long time before we started dating. But, there was such an age difference between us (9 years) that even though I was interested and so was he, he would not act on it. He wanted me to live my life and experience life before settling down. I thank him for that now. But, I always knew that he would play an important part in my life.

I remember when I turned 21 I told my friends, I am going to date him, even if it is only for the summer. I did, the summer turned into 10 years, we were married in 2006. He is the longest summer fling I have ever had. And yes he still gives me butterflies, not all the time, but enough.

Not all the time, but when it happens it is at weird moments. Also it tends to be when I see him far away because I am used to seeing him up close next to me.

But no, not all the time. If it was I think I'd find it annoying!

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Originally Posted by ceriphante

yah but what if you never had butterflies/fireworks at all things just worked out?
is that a bad thing do you think?

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Not at all. I think that that would be a better thing in some cases, considering people get so caught up in the emotions they ignore the difference in belief and politics and money spending and child rearing.
Friendships always make the best relationships, but you need to decide which your really want - security - or butterflies. Because if you want the latter and you go with the first, infidelity might slip its way into your life later on in the future

"Butterflies" are fun, but they don't really make or break a good relationship. Heck, I get butterflies before I have to speak in front of a crowd!

My husband can give me butterflies but most importantly he gives me courage, strength, love, respect, friendship, compassion, patience...
You get the idea ;)

OK, well.. last night I split with my g/f.
her rational was;

You don't give me butterflies, and I don't want to be in a relationship.

Personally I'd not got butterflies the whole time I was with her but I saw the value of the companionship, friendship, trust, caring, and mutual bonding that we had going on.

There was a connection between us, for instance I knew about 30 minutes before I even met her that I was going to, and we tended to talk for hours and hours on end..

Fundamentally I perceive the difference between us is that I could see the value of making some personal sacrifices for the betterment of our joint endeavour into the solace of the soul, she on the other hand could not.

Ironically she said she didn't want to have to consider how I feel with her actions yet when she ended things she wanted to keep talking to me, and not let me leave her place, as if anything she could say would somehow make me feel better, or as if she wanted me to somehow talk her back into things, ultimately though she seems to have been oblivious to the fact that her happiness was more important to me than her being with me was.

She wants to continue a friendship with me based on some of the above but, I can't see that working out too brilliantly being that we are on different levels.

She claimed that if she stayed with me she'd have been eventually miserable, and I understand that because she'd have been forcing herself to find feelings that she thinks weren't possibly there naturally, however, my staying friends with her requires me to force myself to kill feelings that are there naturally, so it's a bit of a catch 22 that we've gotten ourselves into. I will try it because I see this as an opportunity to grow spiritually by overcoming part of myself but deep down I think she has really severed the connection I felt severely to the point it may be impossible for me to remain friends with her.

so that's the angle I was coming from.

anyway ppls thanks for the info :)