Hello all, Single father of four children. Married 2 different women, at separate times of course, :D . Three of my children live with me full time and my youngest lives with her mother.

Just wondering why it seems that all women don't want anything to do with a single dad of that many kids. I'm not a bad looking guy, have a good personality, I'm very intelligent, I'm friendly, I work every day (except Sunday) make good money, have a home of my own (not even within walking distance of my mother ;) ) three good vehicles, and am ambitious about our future (my kids and mine).

It's not that I haven't looked either, just seems that the ones that are interested in me are the kind that you wouldn't take home to mom, or are only looking for one nighters. Not that I haven't been there too. I'm no saint but I am a good guy.

So, all of you women specialists, start talking. :cool:

If I were in the market and were looking you over, I would wonder about your two divorces. Like, what went wrong with your marriages and were you mostly to blame -- so by extension, how long would you and I last. (And please don't tell us all about your marriages and exes! )

As far as the kids go, they wouldn't bother me unless they have lots of problems that would interfere with our relationship. (And no, don't tell us if the kids have problems!! )

Where are you looking for dates/women?

1st wife cheated repeatedly, divorce. 2nd, abused my kids, divorce. I install satellites for a living, so I meet lots of people everyday. Just very few single women. I'm not a bar fly. I don't have a lot of free time but with what free time I do have, I would like to spend it with a great woman.

I've tried looking at church, too many messed up women, hence my 2nd wife. I've tried meeting women through friends, at parties etc. Just seems that women don't want anything to do with a single dad is all.

Hmmm, in Texas in the '80s, the saying was if you didn't have at least one divorce and a bankruptcy, then you just weren't trying hard enough at life.

These days, most people I know have had a couple of divorces so I'm thinking not so much shame associated with it - after all, the statistics are the time when most people lie the most is when they are courting and they are lying around 60% of the time.

So the two divorce thing is just in your head. Have you done the work to help you get over them ex's and to figger out what kind of wimmens is best for you? If not, then do so else you'll be looking for the same type as #1 and #2 and you can only give away so many houses and so much 401K money before yore broke and stay broke.

Great places for wimmens to go to meet guys with kids - Dave & Busters or any Saturday morning place with entertainment for the kids and beers for the Dads. You can go to Parents w/o Partners but I think you may find too many walking wounded there since you seem to have gotten past the divorce(s) and moved on. I had the best luck and most fun dates by going to the local Unity Churches as the activities are fun, varied, and anything but hostage situations run by the overly zealous.

Best of luck - figure out what you want your life to look like after your kids are growed and start targeting the kind of woman that likes to do those activities and go find her!


As my old runnin' buddy used to observe, most wimmens haven't been provident nor prudent so are lookin' for someone that does have something going for retirement. That'd be true.

I can ask you why do men avoid single moms? Some act like a wounded deer in the headlights - like, "omg, now what, does she think I am supposed to marry her?"

What is wrong with church? Sure there may be those "overzealous" women there but honestly, those women are everywhere. Who says you have to date them? You can politely decline advances.

What if you volunteered your spare time to a worthy organization? Meet people who would like you without being THAT interested in you.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

I can ask you why do men avoid single moms? Some act like a wounded deer in the headlights - like, "omg, now what, does she think I am supposed to marry her?"

What is wrong with church? Sure there may be those "overzealous" women there but honestly, those women are everywhere. Who says you have to date them? You can politely decline advances.

What if you volunteered your spare time to a worthy organization? Meet people who would like you without being THAT interested in you.

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I don't avoid single moms. On the contrary, I think that single moms would suit me better because they already know how to deal with children and they know what being a mother entails. On the flip side of that, single moms tend to show favortism toward their own child/children and I know that road goes both ways.

The women that I have met in church, so far, have all been either crazy, meaning a lot of different things, or EVIL!! Not overzealous, I could deal with that.

And as far as volunteering my spare time to a worthy organization goes, I have too much going on in my life for that kind of thing. With kids and work there isn't a whole lot of time for such things as that. Just looking for someone to fall in love with again and not just anyone either, been down that road too many times. Also, don't want to waist time with someone who isn't THAT interested in me.

Hope that answers those questions :D

But keepem coming :cool:

Ok, I'm going to be honest. I don't date men with children. Why? That is a lot of baggage to take on in any relationship. Also, where there are children, there is usually an omni-present ex. It's difficult enough to cultivate a relationship with someone new, but with those added elements, it can be extremely challenging.

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Originally Posted by myadvice4you

Ok, I'm going to be honest. I don't date men with children. Why? That is a lot of baggage to take on in any relationship. Also, where there are children, there is usually an omni-present ex. It's difficult enough to cultivate a relationship with someone new, but with those added elements, it can be extremely challenging.

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And that is exactly the women of the worlds' view. So... what does that mean for my children and me? Alone... SO BE IT

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Originally Posted by brock

And that is exactly the women of the worlds' view. So ................ what does that mean for my children and me? Alone .................................................. ...................SO BE IT

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That is only true if you give up. I think you would be best suited to someone who already has children, and knows what the deal is with having an ex. As a single, never married, woman, the idea of jumping into a relationship with someone who has two marriages and children behind them, can be very intimidating. I'm sure there are single mothers that would be happy to date you.

I too am a single parent of a teenager and I know what you are talking about there Brock. My son is a great kid most times but this 14 year old stage can be challenging for a parent. I can understand why someone wouldn't want to get involved in my situation. So yep... I have resigned myself to singlehood. :(

You know my cousin got married last year. She to found it hard meeting someone because she had 4 kids but she finally met someone that accepts her and her kids. Her husband had 1 so together they had 5 and now they have 6 because she just had a baby girl. Lovely!

Now I have 1 daughter and am get married to someone with a son. We are expecting our 1st son in January.

I realize people don't mind dating someone with 1 or 2 kids but some won't accept anything beyond that. I actually had a guy tell me once he don't date females with kids because he did in the past and got attached to the child and then him and the mother split and it torn him up. When I was dating I never let any guys around my child and kept the two separate. I guess it's up to the person.

Another reason is drama. Mostly mother cause a lot of problems with the drama, I went through it and is currently going through it, so that to can be a issue.

On the flipside I think you're a stand up guy because it's rare that a dad has custody of his kids and making it. That alone would tell anyone about your character. One day you will met that special someone and I hope it's sooner than later.

Thumbs up to you!

Wow, it truly saddens me the way this question took a turn. I am a single Mother of 3, not an easy task, so I know EXACTLY how busy your sch is Brock. It is not easy to find that special someone, and it is even harder to give that someone the attention that is needed to make a relationship grow and last once they are found. But if we don't try, what are we here for? Shouldn't we be teaching our children love and perseverance? They need to learn from US what FAMILY, is all about in order to have a well rounded FAMILY life in their futures. So don't give up, and don't let ANYONE make you feel terrible or that you lack something because you have had 2 divorces. Be grateful that your children and yourself are out of a bad situation and can move forward to a better one. It is sad how many woman are out their and have raised their chidren if they had them and are not looking for any more "Baggage". It's sad that ANYONE could call children "Baggage" avoid THOSE women all together. But keep your heart open, don't allow the one night stands or the "baggage" women dishearten you. There are good women out there. Look for one that will love your kids as her own. And be willing to do the same. And to answer your question, yes there are good single women out there that would love to date an honest single father even if he has kids. I am one of them. Good luck.

Couple of things that come to my mind. First is the excess baggage that a ready made family can bring to the party. Trying to build a stable relationship is hard enough for two people, now add a couple of kids to the mix who are also mixed up and hurting because their mom and dad are no longer together and you have a recipe for disaster. The other is finances. Generally where kids are concerned there is a lot of money going out the door every month in child support. So, who for instance wants to marry a guy that makes 4K a month and immediately looses 1/3 of that to his ex for child support.

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Originally Posted by brock;

The women that I have met in church, so far, have all been either crazy, meaning alot of different things, or EVIL!!! Not overzealous, I could deal with that.

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Churches are a good place to find family-oriented valued people. The fact that you met some crazies at one should not reflect on the 1000s of churches at your disposal. That's like swearing off driving because you saw an accident somewhere. Can't live like that and it's not realistic.

Brock,
How old are you? Not sure that plays into the answer but I'm curious to know. Are the kids small still; self sufficient, require babysitters still? I think you've just not come across the right lady yet; one nighters even if they were interested in you wouldn't run IF they saw how you were around your kids. I think you're just meeting ladies that aren't ready for the instant family of 3. It's an instant challenge to walk into a man's life and care for his kids and him... you know the newness of a relationship w/3 in tow? BUT there are ladies out there who will see beyond all that and take on the challenge because they see what a great guy you are and can see beyond all the busyiness 3 kids bring... they will say he's worth it.

Look at the grocery store. If you see a lady that is taking her time and being very selective , or rushing about just trying to get in and out. Both ladies could be your match.