My girlfriend for 2 years has asked for a break to figure out how she feels. She's 23 and Im 25. I've read other posts and this seems normal to happen. She lost some feelings during the relationship and wants to know how she really feels. It's been a couple of days since this break. She says that she still cares and wants to be with me, but scared of what's could happen. Also she said that she wants to explore, at least that's part of the message I am getting.

I've been given her space and did what others have been saying, DON'T CALL. She has called me twice since the break. We talked about how hard it is for each other and that we miss each other. It doesn't lead anywhere because she's not sure. She does offer that I can call anytime. I'm confused, I think she wants to be together, but seems like she doesn't.

I think she is getting tired of hearing how I feel about her and realized I need to give her space. But we have school together. What do I do? Will giving her space, appear I don't care? Is this a test? Seems like she wants me there, but that conflicts with what's she's telling me.

Plain and simple here. She cannot straighten out her confusion while still talking to you. If she needs to sort her feelings she can't do that with you telling her how you feel.

She needs to stop calling you and figure out what she wants. Right now she is stringing you along while she gets her stuff together. I would tell her plain and simple that you understand she is confused but you know its not helping her to continue talking so tell her to take a few weeks to figure out what she wants to do and to call ONLY once she has decided what she wants.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Plain and simple here. She cannot straighten out her confusion while still talking to you. If she needs to sort her feelings she can't do that with you telling her how you feel.

She needs to stop calling you and figure out what she wants. Right now she is stringing you along while she gets her stuff together. I would tell her plain and simple that you understand she is confused but you know its not helping her to continue talking so tell her to take a few weeks to figure out what she wants to do and to call ONLY once she has decided what she wants.

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What about class and hw? She had asked that we talk but not about the relationship. Is that possible? Is this an opening for a rebound to come in?

I don't want to upset her or make her think I don't care.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

What about class and hw? She had asked that we talk but not about the relationship. Is that possible? Is this an opening for a rebound to come in?

I don't want to upset her or make her think I don't care.

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Find someone else to study with.

Let me say it again. She is confused. Continuing to spend time with you, talk to you, etc will cause her more confusion and will have stringing you along while she "figures everything out".

So if you don't want her to be upset then tell her that you need her to do this because it hurts not knowing where you stand - as I imagine it does- and you don't feel its fair to you to not know where you stand. Tell her that you will talk again once she figures out she wants to do.

Right now you are on a break which means that she can do whatever she wants since she is not in a relationship. She could be talking to other guys while trying to figure everything out.

You must set boundaries. There should be NO discussion or conversation about your relationship. If you have to talk with her otherwise, do so, but don't seek her out any more than you seek out anyone. Like Glinda said (and I keep quoting Glinda on every question I respond to... ), tell your girlfriend that you aren't mad at her but will deal with her only as you deal with anyone else until she makes a decision.

Im getting confused and trying so hard to do it right. We normally go home after class together. She expected to see me afterward, but I said that I would go home on my own. She replied that if that's what will help me. I told her that its to give her space. I feel that she wanted to see me, but now I upset her.

We had agreed in the beginning that it would be no problem to go home together afterward. I changed my mind and thought she needs more space. Did I do the right thing?

YES!

You deserve to do what makes you feel good! So what if she gets upset. She is the one who asked for this break. When you play games or want "breaks" because you're "confused" you get what you ask for.

You don't have to pretend to be ecstatic about this situation if you are not.

If you read other posts on this forum, you will see the same pattern over and over. One partner wants a break, and is confused about what they want, but the couple continues to talk to each other, with the false hope of getting back together, until the confusion turns to anger and resentment and they can accept the relationship is over. The advice is always the same in these cases, Have no contact with each other, and be unavailable for her calls or text, and keep it brief and impersonal, if contact is made, so you can let go, and heal enough to move on with your own life, and make healthy decisions for yourself. Sorry guy, but all you can do is NOT be as confused as she is. As Glinda has said, she is just keeping you around in the friendzone, just in case this exploring herself doesn't work out as she hoped. Not fair, so don't take it.

Mate let her know, the break is not what you want. Tell her yourve thought about it and if it's a break she needs then its over.

Tell her you decided you don't do breaks. Its siimple mate if she wants you she will be back

Ive experienced thius before and your thinking at the moment I can just stay in touch and well I donbt want to be mean and I don't want to make her think I don't want the relationship!!

She knows how you feel Don't TELL HER!! She needs to miss you she needs to realise

I feel your pain on this one pal. I went through something just like this with my EX and I was so confused just like you are right now. Listen to the members of this site and go no contact it isn't mean it is just the best way to help you move on. No contact was the best thing that I did in my situation and after three months of no contact I was over her. I don't know how long it will take you but you have to move forward and who knows what will happen in the future but right now she doesn't want to be with you so why would you wait around for her. Good luck and keep your mind off her!!

I had no contact except for school. She called me last night and said she's not sure how she feels and is feeling bad to put me through it. I told her its OK and that I would be here for her when she is ready. She wanted to see how I was doing. I told her that I don't like it, but it's all I can do because that's what she asked for.

I don't want to kid myself and think she will be back, but I can't help but feel optimistic and think she will. I know that's not the right mentality and I don't want to read into every little thing and give myself hope.

It's amazing that this situation reoccurs to so many people. My heart goes out to everyone who has gone through this and don't wish this upon anyone. I'm hanging in there.

Good for you. Its important to maintain your boundaries.

She may come back to you but chances are that she will not. The best thing you can do is prepare for either scenario and just try to get on with your life in the sense of focusing on yourself and your studies, etc.

It is pretty amazing that no matter where we live that everyone goes through this. Its sort of cool its like the universal shared experience. Granted it's a sucky universal shared experience but still one nonetheless.

Is there another way to handle to this, if she is the type that would go out after an argument to make me worry about where she is?

Do not go looking to deep into this or you will drive yourself crazy with all the possible scenerios. Trust me just focus on you right now and stay busy.

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Originally Posted by needofhelp

Is there another way to handle to this, if she is the type that would go out after an arguement to make me worry about where she is?

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Don't let it become an argument. You two are on a break she may do whatever she pleases during this break. You technically have no right to be angry at her or allow her going out to make you mad. You two aren't together. The more quick you realize this and accept it the easier some things may be.

I know that we are on a break and I have not right to be upset. I don't even ask her where she went or hang outs at. I was just wondering if she is the type to make me worry by going somewhere when we were together, if that means she wants me to be doing something during the break. Does she want me to worry, to call and say hi?

From our conversations, she obviously feels bad for hurting me, and wants me to be OK, and apologizes for being confused. I tell her to take the break to figure things out and that I am here. Should I be saying anything different?

To be honest I don't think you should be speaking to her at all. She called for a break to figure things out I don't know she can figure things out while still maintaining any kind of relationship with you.

I don't think you should be calling her. She can call you when she has figured out what she wants to do.

No you shouldn't be sitting around staring at the phone or anything. You should be out having fun with friends and staying active in your life. Your life should not begin and end with this girl. You need to have a life outside the relationship so its important to maintain that life.

IMO a girl who would "misbehave" or go out in order to get you mad is extremely immature. Are you certain this isn't another game of hers? Are you certain you want to be with someone who is this immature?

I've realized that my world should not revolve around anyone person. It doesn't, but I feel like I've been suckered punched and lost my air. She was a great part of my life and I can't do anything about it. It's the most frustrating part, that we both care but sounds like she has some doubts.

My feelings for her are as genuine as they come, and I hate for this to end in a tragedy.

Does giving her the space and time show that I am OK with each person having independence in a relationship? Since we spent so much together, she was doubtful that if we got back together some things would change.

And, no she has never done that to me. We never have been in an argument. That is probably one thing that helps relationships, arguments?

How do I know if this is partly a test of hers? Could she be seeing if I care enough to do something about it? I do care, and just doing as she ask me, give her space. So confused with a big knot in my stomach.

Okay I'm confused I thought you said she is the type to go out in order to start arguments. Which is why I brought up the game playing with the break. I guess I misunderstood so ignore that.

Your relationship IS co-dependent. You both need to learn how to be a whole person outside of the relationship. She is probably taking this break so she can out who she is without you. You should be doing the same thing. Stop calling her and work on being a full person without her. That doesn't mean you don't need her it just means she is not making you whole. So yes, give her space. Get along with YOUR life and stop worrying about every little move she is making. You will just drive yourself nuts.

I;m sorry about the confusion. She has never done anything of that sort to get me to worry. She had said that she might go out to make me worry. I mean go out by going out without letting me know where, not meaning that she would go out to misbehave.

I felt better this morning, but at the end of the day, it drained me to recover.

Do you think that she can move on and forget about me? Sounds pretty lame, but it hurts to think that someone you care about can forget so easily or want to forget.