My daughter is getting married in May. My sister, is her godmother and her daughter is a junior bridesmaid who is 13 going on 14 and is in the wedding. My sister lives about an 8 hour drive from me. I told her a year in advance that I would be having a shower for my daughter the day before Easter which would make it easier for her to attend. Yesterday she called to tell me they are going on a vacation that week and will not be able to attend. Do I have a right to be upset?” Aren’t bridesmaids supposed to be present at the shower?

I would be pretty disappointed if I was you. You gave her plenty of advance notice so she knew that her daughters presence at the shower would be expected and would've been able to plan a family vacation around the daughters bridesmaid duties. I don't think its worth a terrible fight or anything like that. It seems that your sister did not think of your daughters wedding. How does the bride feel?

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I would be pretty disappointed if I was you. You gave her plenty of advance notice so she knew that her daughters presence at the shower would be expected and would've been able to plan a family vacation around the daughters bridesmaid duties. I don't think its worth a terrible fight or anything like that. It seems that your sister did not think of your daughters wedding. How does the bride feel?

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Glinda brings up a good question. How does the bride feel? I know I would be pretty hurt. I am assuming that your side of the family is not invited to the shower and that is why your sister is not coming? Is your daughter having other showers where her cousin could attend?

The bride is upset but she knows that there is nothing that can be done. I felt that I wanted someone else's opinion because I feel hurt and I wanted to make sure that I did not overreact by being upset with my sister. The entire family for both the bride and groom who are women of course are invited. I have 3 other sisters but this particular one is the one that I am the closest with and the one who is my daughters god mother and her daughter is a junior bridesmaid in the wedding. I feel as though when she told me about her vacation that she is planning that she was being defensive which I feel usually means that they feel guilty and are tyring to make excuses. I also feel like our relationship won't be the same which makes me more upset. I know I have to accept this because there is nothing else I can do. She knows I'm upset so at least she knows that!

It is pretty thoughtless that they would plan their vacation on a day that is important to the family. However, your sister knows that you are upset and you say that she feels guilty. I would leave it alone now or you might run the risk of causing a family problem before the wedding, which would not be fair to your daughter or her cousin.

I find it mind boggling that she would plan a vacation during this time. Especially since you made it close to Easter so that family would all be together anyway.

Maybe she will come to her senses and chuck her plans for a vacation.